June 4, 2017

1:40pm

Feeling like nothing right now… like a damn turd… not ‘using’, not ‘drinking’, but I been standing outside of where I’m being called…. all kinda’ distractions, temptations, and BS… feel’in like there’s no one to talk to… outwardly, I look super-kosher… but there’s a funk going on all inside of me, and sin is just begetting more sin… pushing me towards “You can’t bro, just don’t care anymore, stop caring…”  😦

You see, there is no barometer and that is no good for me. It’s like, “bro, you did that…. so what the hell??” (said or did something that wasn’t expedient)

It’s stupid and I hate this feeling… so everything just seems like it stinks (around me)… This is all directly related to my neglecting to study… I just haven’t been focused as I could be… So, here I am, even now, when I nee to be praying and seeking repentance in my heart. Truly… even when all is well, (as it is now) (Yesterday) I straight up shoveled all this ‘other-liness’ into my head, spirit, etc. I don’t want to complain, but this is what it is “put up or shut up..” “Don’t talk bout’ it, be about it… When the spirit says go study, you go study…

Jesus, thank You for Your grace and mercy… please don’t give me over to myself. I hear You and seen what You said in John… that those who love You, will keep Your commandments. Help me love You and not live foolishly…

6-4-2017 continued

5:58pm

Breathe, brother, breathe…

“You’re out of breath from chasing the wind…”

Anyway that you turn-

an echo of concern…

raises alarm

alerting impending harm…

You are brilliant, you are great,

but vulnerable

Your spontaneity is refreshing as

your impulsiveness

is catastrophic

and frightening.

 

 

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