May 9, 2017

9:01pm

Home from visiting a church to hear a brother’s testimony… ‘pushing’ to write, right now, needing to grab something to eat… don’t wanna sacrifice quality for convenience, but that’s the way the ‘leaf descends’… sometimes… Seems very mundane some days (writing), and that’s when I have opportunity to step back and check my status… motives, and ‘all that’… the motive is to practice discipline and self-control… to hone consistency while being vocal concerning the regeneration of life in me…

After confessing and repenting (turning from sins), believing Christ died for me… my life has become new… fully restored and better than…

Despite any rain that may ‘pitter-pat’ against the glass… Christ died for my sins (the atonement), I’ve accepted Him who has become the advocate for me with the Father (Creator of all things). He’s delivered me from alcohol/substance abuse and grant me liberty, through the life of His Son. In Him I’ve discovered purpose, in Him I’ve discovered truth… my testimony is true… I was as a dead man… today, I live and breathe for the hope of His return… He will not tarry… the kingdom of God is at hand…

Lord, if but one would receive the words of this testimony… and hear ‘the call’ of Your voice… I ask in the name of Your son, Yeshua (Jesus, King of Israel), that You would grant them repentance. If but one would receive You, Father, then this will not have been in vain.

Jesus, You are the true Vine…

the Way, Truth, and the Life…

He, who removes our sins as far as the east is from the west.

Thank You for that true light–

Which lighteth the world.

May 8, 2017

9:31pm

Got through the day, Father, relatively ‘laxed’ day… Did some painting, got a review on my work ethic, leadership/communication skills. That was a blessing… I was really looking for the instructors to tear into me, (ruffle my feathers) but they were very supportive of the progress being made ‘here’… also, they let me know how they want to work with me and want me to not take on every responsibility, or feeling that I need to… they told me that they are resources I should utilize… Also discussed my status concerning some of my relationships with the guys… ‘my footing’… I guess, that’s a good way of putting it… I told them how I walked in on my younger brother this weekend fooling on a vaporizer and how God, in those moments, calmed me… and I chose the road of remaining available to my bro and not ‘losing it’ cause that woulda’ took the focus off my dad’s dinner, this past weekend. I also told my instructors that the ‘M.O.’ is to stand, fortify, stand, be fortified, and Stand… Unless God says, ‘for sure’, ‘through and through’, Do This…. then….. Yours truly stays put… remain vigilant, stand, endure, fortify, repeat…

Thank You Jesus!!! For making me usable and effective concerning the establishing of Your kingdom on earth.

May 4, 2017

6:26pm

You’ve been good to me Father… You’ve been so good, Lord… and You’re faithful Lord Jesus… You take thought of me and I don’t deserve that… not in the slightest… You know better than any,  Father… how I can get in to a mode of striving to Do and Do and Do to be ‘my perception’ of who You are… is this not WORSE than unbelief… May it not be said of me that I seek to ‘create’ You in ‘my image’… open rebuke is better than secret love… and You chasten those whom You Love…

Thank You for Your mercy God… but thank You for Your plans and not my plans… “Tell me when to go!! Jesus!!” I would that I do nothing outside of what is before me without Your ‘perfect’ nudge. Thank You for continuing to draw me to trust those nudges… Without You I can do nothing, Father. You are the Vine… not ‘a’ vine… or option… You are the Vine… and when I work contrary to You Father… that’s a ‘hang-over’ far worse than anything associated with alcohol/drugs… that shame and guilt… Thank You for courage Lord, and Your light… in the dark places… Help me stay low Father… I need You more… in all things… thank You for helping me to surrender every part of my life… thank You for a safe journey home(to parent’s house) this weekend.

May 3, 2017

8:32am

-Volunteer Activity this weekend.

3:53pm

Book: (Brainstorm) Professional Servant/Professional Laborer

-Pleasure is something totally different altogether than what it has perverted itself to being in my mind. God is the origin of true pleasures…and in order to receive that, I must acknowledge there is something seriously wrong with my pleasure gauge…. not that I’ve been a ‘freak on a leash’… God has granted me a degree of victory that trumps my desire to be immoral verbally, sexually, etc. I mean, wisdom and knowledge is pleasing and sweeter than it has ever been… yea, that may sound lame but it’s true, and I’m far from ashamed about that… but God is also revealing to me by Spirit that that’s far from ALL He was talking about, and if I will surrender that part of my mind that ‘trapdoors’ all that ‘icky-decrepit’ crap I’ve locked up over the years… that He will show me how to, and what we can do about those things; and not only will He remove each of those cancers, but He will replace that space with ‘LIFE’… a life-giving pleasure, rooted in praise and worship unlike I have ever known.

10:59pm

Funny thing about sin is…

ya’ think you know what it’s gonna cost…

We don’t.

May 1, 2017

7:59ish p.m.

Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus for another one… Another Day… Sitting back with my bros. watching the Hobbit… It’s been a few weeks since we’ve worked on any ‘electrical’ at the shop or abroad, but today we worked on installing lights… a light I have not yet installed… some other kind of LED lights… not quite installed the same as any LED lights I’ve installed previously… it was a blessing just the same. Spoke with bro… *Same momma daddy brother’s name here* … he sounded well… like he was having an excellent day… Dad’s B-day is tomorrow… man… 50 years. old–> he will be tomorrow… I wanna honor him in a grand way Saturday… and there’s a picture of what that looks like, but it’s supremely blurry… our relationship has never been what it is today… I’m incredibly grateful and I strive to exercise that gratitude daily… There’s to be a dinner Saturday night and I’ve set my mind o attend… still working that out, not in haste but not without care, either… it’s important that I attend that dinner… Much of the family will be in attendance… Thank You Lord for peace regarding the transportation details and blessing the family, Lord… letting everyone who is sposed’ to be there, be there… and covering my brother tonight… keeping him safe, and helping him make the right decisions, providing him with wisdom and understanding.

April 30, 2017

2:53pm

What’s done is done! Cleaned up the mess we’ve accumulated over the past few months in our ‘cleaning’ closet… it was a wreck.. it looks great now… dunno’ bout’ anyone else, but it was a huge relief for me…

Upon leaving the altar this morning, *Ms. name here* (the college/young adults Sunday school teacher) come to me, and said, “I really wanted to tell you… you know, you can pray for other people.” She was not sure if I ‘knew’ that, but she wanted me to feel encouraged to do so. I completely forgot to say anything to *mentor name here*, concerning this, when I got in the car… I wish I had… I’ll have to call him some time, in a lil’bit… or not… I dunno, my usual Sunday routine has been altered to some degree… tonight’s service at the O.C. was cancelled, but my housemates invited me to come to their church… I’ve got an hour to make a decision… may stay home to do a personal study. Got pop’s birthday coming up on Tuesday and my brother’s b-day is tomorrow… haven’t gotten them anything yet, but next Saturday is my dad’s dinner and I’ve gotta’ make some arrangements to get to Columbia… thinking that I’m gonna’ work those details out tomorrow.

11:34pm

I should definitely be sleeping… the guys and I just finished a movie… in my semi-lucid state I come back to my room, my work alarm is being set, and I’m recalling the countless numbers of people we run into on the way to wal-mart around 8pm… there was literally a woman trying to stop our van as we pulled out of our house… I could tell she had just finished smoking ‘dope’…w e get up to the corner store and there’s ‘live’ action… I’m talk’in ‘traffic’… and I don’t mean Hondas and Toyotas… I’m talking bout’ dopeboys and drug-users… ridiculous… on the way to wal-mart. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I seen three women prostituting… and all I could do was shake my head and pray… “I need Jesus”, “they need Jesus”, “We all need Jesus…”

Thank You Father for Your perfect plan, and delivering Your children from the darkness of this world.

April 26, 2017

6:06pm

     Good grief…  prolly shouldn’t have crammed them dogs (hotdogs) down, right before service… The bros are watching First 48… that’s some pretty morbid stuff.. leaving soon… tonight is the last night of ‘revival’.

     *Bethlehem (House of Bread?)  ; maybe I’ve heard this before, I think, but I was reminded recently by my mentor.

     Church will begin shortly… we have about twenty mins… messed up *for real…with them hot dogs… during the day, snuck a few minutes in with the director to seek out how he may be able to assist me with the handling of my interactions with another individual… we deducted that I do care how others perceive me and that I can allow any misconceptions of my motives or attributes to deter my productivity (with respect to relationship and communication.), and that’s not acceptable in regard to leadership… so there’s a recurring thing happening…( e.g. holding beach ball under water..)… we will get through this… I’m decided without a doubt, this will be ‘reeled-in’… and it will be ‘public-knowledge’ where I stand on the matter… there is NO matter… I am the ‘matter’ that will constantly and consistently resort to the use of the resources, faculties that have been made available to me… Not resorting to any outward displays of frustration toward my co-workers… I will develop the discipline it takes (with the help of the Holy Spirit) to seek counsel whenever necessary, at the appointed times, or appropriate times.

4-26-17 Continued; 9:14pm

Fresh off the altar… out in the foyer of the church… I’m so late to get home… sposed’ to be in by 9pm… so, I’m not justified simply because I was praying, but I’m banking on all of everything coming together as it should… regardless the outcome… I’ll be taking those consequences/ rewards *in stride*… at least, I think that’s how the saying goes… even as I’m seated here in the foyer I can feel layers of darkness lifting… and a softening of the heart.