Waiting on momma to come back from restroom… (we’re at the rest area.)
This morning I had the privilege to go to church with mom… Now, I’m home, (Greenville), the house is quiet, and I’ve resolved to write a letter to the church of my adolescence… and really take the time to clearly express the experience of what that was like; and how the God of my youth has truly been revealed in my life… How my eyes have been opened, how my heart has been softened in an ever-increasing manner… the way of the transgressor truly is hard… and I most certainly did not understand, at what, or why I did stumble… today, my head is clearing, today, the light shines brighter… the light not only is shining, but shining through… my heart is being ‘tugged’, not only to share Christ but even to write letters, postcards specifically… and the key to that is going to be to make them ‘things’ (stationery items) accessible…straight up… accessible, accessible, accessible… that’s so important! Just writing that gives me encouragement… Prolly’ spend the next few weeks developing the idea of accessibility through conscious thought… Mannn!! I’m digg’in what God’s doing. Thank You Lord… from:
We’ve (family) sustained a steady rain for the past three hours… and we are all pretty whooped, now… but I’m not complaining… Dinner for Dad was awesome!!! Mom did one heck of a job getting everything prepared…
My brothers and I helped setup, and the youngest, and I cooked with my Dad’s mom (my Nana)… I cooked more chicken on the grill, today, than I’ve ever cooked at one time. Saw cousins today that I haven’t seen in years, literally… everyone who attended made a reflection or two in order to honor my dad. After opening the dinner with a prayer, and enjoying the powerpoint presentation mom created we fellowshipped with one another, exchanged numbers, ate cake, and food.
Today was one heck of a blessing… the best part was sharing some of what God’s done for me… with everyone in attendance… without restraint… I was a little nervous, but how could I allow the opportunity to slip past me… to be able to share my relationship with my family… Life gets better, Yo!!! Lay down your burdens… God sustains this family and everyone we meet… He is working in us… and I will keep Your word Lord… I will pursue righteousness… You know the hearts and needs of all the families we met today… thank You for keeping us, Father, receiving our praise, and hearing our prayers.
Just in the ‘nick-of-time’…we’ve just finished setting up for the “Big Dinner” tomorrow.
We’ve rode over to the nearest Waffle House where we’ve (self, mom, two of my brothers) (mom’s idea)… My brother– third from the top… just put that ole’ Fugees song on… (Killing Me Softly)… Promise you, the Waffle House was stupid dead before we come in, but even seems like the employees got a lil’ *head bob* going on now… God is far better to us than we will ever deserve…
It’s not bout’ any single one of us… and God is telling me, in all of this, that i’m not down here (Columbia) for me… I’m not even down here for them (family), as much as I’m down here for Him… Down here to ‘stand’… that’s it… not in a way where pressure builds or tensions increase… none of this is for what I’ve dreamed it up to ever be… but something altogether, enduring, and ultimately better…
Walked in house(brother’s room) just in time to see my brother (senior, state championship wrestler, choir-singing extraordinaire) fooling around with some ‘vapes'(vaporizers). I bust a u-turn and come to the living room (where I’ll be sleeping tonight…) that lil’ piece of unwarranted info. triggered a spring of emotions that…. it’s all I can do to just be sitting here and not responding to it in any manner… I can’t unknow the fact, but the immediate answer… I believe, has already been covered here, and that’s to ‘stand’… not to punch him in the forehead with the blunt end of my extra-large KJV Bible… but to trust God because He is and has always been He that is faithful… all-knowing, despite our flaws, He loves us… while we were yet sinners… Christ died for us… It is also His love and goodness that grants repentance… He did it for me, I trust His Spirit is working in the family as well.
giving in to negligence-
the time is spent
evidence in actions committed
how vivid the detail
the scent that lingers
that welcomes any unsuspecting to trail
no never-mind of descent
esteeming the less respected
remembering their ascent.
One falling s’only focus
lies solely on
what lurks beneath..
no regard for where their going
nor the placement of their feet.
Father, thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for helping me see clearly… thank You for blessing my placement here in the U.S. where we are privileged to be able to ‘shoot’ over to Jimmy Johns and nab one dollar subs… You’re worthy Lord… thank You for ordering our steps and the repairs You’ve performed in the relationships between myself and my dad.
What’s done is done! Cleaned up the mess we’ve accumulated over the past few months in our ‘cleaning’ closet… it was a wreck.. it looks great now… dunno’ bout’ anyone else, but it was a huge relief for me…
Upon leaving the altar this morning, *Ms. name here* (the college/young adults Sunday school teacher) come to me, and said, “I really wanted to tell you… you know, you can pray for other people.” She was not sure if I ‘knew’ that, but she wanted me to feel encouraged to do so. I completely forgot to say anything to *mentor name here*, concerning this, when I got in the car… I wish I had… I’ll have to call him some time, in a lil’bit… or not… I dunno, my usual Sunday routine has been altered to some degree… tonight’s service at the O.C. was cancelled, but my housemates invited me to come to their church… I’ve got an hour to make a decision… may stay home to do a personal study. Got pop’s birthday coming up on Tuesday and my brother’s b-day is tomorrow… haven’t gotten them anything yet, but next Saturday is my dad’s dinner and I’ve gotta’ make some arrangements to get to Columbia… thinking that I’m gonna’ work those details out tomorrow.
I should definitely be sleeping… the guys and I just finished a movie… in my semi-lucid state I come back to my room, my work alarm is being set, and I’m recalling the countless numbers of people we run into on the way to wal-mart around 8pm… there was literally a woman trying to stop our van as we pulled out of our house… I could tell she had just finished smoking ‘dope’…w e get up to the corner store and there’s ‘live’ action… I’m talk’in ‘traffic’… and I don’t mean Hondas and Toyotas… I’m talking bout’ dopeboys and drug-users… ridiculous… on the way to wal-mart. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I seen three women prostituting… and all I could do was shake my head and pray… “I need Jesus”, “they need Jesus”, “We all need Jesus…”
Thank You Father for Your perfect plan, and delivering Your children from the darkness of this world.
Sat down to begin today’s entry and I have just remembered my plans to clean garage. Upon reading Proverbs… I’ll be going to handle that mess… it’s no burden… I’m actually looking forward to the task… it’s proactive, I get to use my hands, listen to the radio, and ‘space-out’ in a good way… thank You Lord for direction.
Got the garage knocked ‘all the way’ out… it’s very clean. HA!!! Felt really good about it… that process ran for about 2 hours or so… After rolling around a while with my brother who also ‘skates’ (45 min. tops) my ‘blood-brother’ text me and let’s me know he is in downtown Greenville… so, I hit him up and asked him if he could see a parking garage outside of the establishment he and his friends were at… and ‘dig this’ my bro was literally two blocks away… My housemate and I wen the two to the restaurant, which came complete with two bars (alcohol), which was not an issue for either of us… went to the back of the establishment where my brother and three of his friends come and sat down with us. We chatted for a moment and I felt impressed to pray with them and so I did… it was a major blessing to have been able to meet with them… after coming home, we mostly (all of us) ‘kicked it’ in a group… minus one individual… I’m trusting God in that work being performed in the young man’s heart.
Going to bed soon… church in the a.m. Thank You Father for divine appointments, for New life and a new thing.
Is what God says ‘good enough’???
Truly it is…but it wasn’t, this morning, in my little brain because though He did what He said He would do… I had a very hard time waiting for some kind of justice to be dispensed, after noting this in my heart I began seeking peace… within… that I could have a merciful heart regarding the individual involved.
The afternoon was a little bit of a *brain cramp*… interpersonal b.s. … I have to, not, personalize the crap, but I don’t want to be callous either… God, thank You for grace… I need it… thank You for Your resolutions… thank You for helping me not to return to the vomit of violence. Your grace is sufficient… and to have come this far to implode due to rash decision-making… I’m sure the enemy would love that… Nah… Quitting is not in my design… nor in the handbook (Bible)… and I don’t care what anyone says, this stuff I’m facing, regarding *anything* in this house… is minuscule in comparison to much of the travesty being experienced *RIGHT NOW*… Who wants to contribute to the chaos??? I shall stand on the Rock of my Salvation. Christ is King!!! Yesterday – Today- and Forever!