May 31, 2017

9:42pm

Pillows, clean now- without stain, blankets, sheets, laundry complete with the fresh smell… A luxury I regularly take for granted… My room has actually been half-wrecked for the least two weeks…. cleaned up today… apart from my ‘writing in this notebook’, my head is buried in the scent of this blanket…

During service (Wednesday Night Service) I was given the opportunity to donate blood… (not selling plasma, which I did regularly during the year 2013… which I feel is, by definition,  a type of prostitution.) It was a blessing to be able to donate… spoke with a few guys I haven’t seen in a while for one reason or another… (I had been visiting other churches.) Speaking to them led to some of our mutual associates being ‘let-go’ from the Miracle Hill Network… it’s sad as crap… not to be ‘them’ but sad to see people get deceived regularly… Admittedly, everything I do isn’t/hasn’t been about moving forward… I’ve allowed/partook in some ‘not so’ edifying conversations… and the desire of the flesh regularly tries to exalt itself against the spirits working in me. But…. I won’t quit, I’m not going to stop taking inventory, or regrouping, or seeking Christ’s identity in me.

Lord, Your grace is sufficient.

January 26, 2017

6:09PM

     Yesterday… 6:30AM… today 5:45AM… now we set this thing as a habit… alarm goes off, and we are ‘up’! coffee is brewing, I’m watching the news, while reviewing ‘shield’ scriptures.

     *Notes on Incredible Chapter we also went over last night in service… Psalm 73… I’m not sure of all the historical facts but this man (author o chapter) speaks of some characters/attributes that I can fully identify with. To list a few… Asaph, in verses 1 and 2, Asaph speaks of God’s goodness and how he, himself was on the verge of losing himself. ‘My feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.’ In verses 3 and 4 Asaph speaks of how he’d been envious of the wicked in an attitude I perceive to be, ‘why do they prosper??? They have this and that, and they are not restrained.’ Asaph reflects how prideful the wicked are, how the wicked despise the heavens… they (ungodly) gather riches and prosper. Then Asaph switches gears further defining his ‘plight’ as being a righteous man. He says ‘I’ve cleansed my heart in vain,’ ‘If I say, I will speak thus; behold I should offend against the generation of thy children.’ Is this not exactly what it is like today?? Emphasis is not needed in order to further specify the ‘red tape’ that is up that would have Christians walking on eggshells; for fear of stepping on a ‘toe’ or offending someone… Newsflash!!! it’s become apparent to me that people are thoroughly offended at the mention of Christ. The belief of Christ and Christ-centered life is offensive to the unbeliever. Asaph, in verse 17, states that once he come into the sanctuary  of God he came to understand the design God has for the wicked. In verse 18-19 sheds light on the abrupt end the wicked will suffer… the KJV Bible says ‘in a moment!’ Asaph is then grieved of the whole matter, how (these) would be destroyed. My bible notes say that is was Asaph’s bitterness that had blinded him, that grieved him… he awakened to his ignorance… verse 22, Asaph exclaims, ‘I was as a beast before thee.’ I reflect on the life I lived, immersed in sin; recalling some of my behavior… much of which is comparable to ‘animalistic’ behavior. Asaph comes to himself, returning to that place of humility where he thanks God for His counsel, for being his strength, when his ‘heart and flesh’ faileth. He boldly states that those’ who go a whoring from’ God, are destroyed… which is to say that those who exalt people, place, or things before God… their lives will end. Asaph ends with stating, ‘it is good for me to draw near to God:’ that, he has put his trust in the Lord God, that he may declare the works of God… I thank God for His word and for the many soldiers who walked before me… thank you Lord for labourers… for our daily bread… for focus… grace and mercy.