July 4, 2017

9:42pm

Thank You for liberty, Lord- thank You for life and waking me up this morning… F3 group was monumental..74 participants! It was awesome, we were all over downtown… A serious privilege, it was…

Sitting at kitchen table and having breakfast and coffee… praying the Lord help me to not take things overly serious as I should take my salvation… if I spent half the energy I spent trying not to be misunderstood or explaining my perspective, into my relationship with God… *phew*… might actually be working on something, then… straight up!!! Today, is a good day the Lord has made—thank You Jesus for helping me compliment the kingdom- not tear it down.

4:26pm

Few speed bumps, but all together it’s been relatively chill… at the house… guys are prepp’in dinner, and we’ll see what’s up after that. I’ma actually proceed on coast, for real, and that’s for everyone to know… I’ma focus on myself- which is what should be doing at all times, but it should be life in respect to Christ… and not toward everyone else… gee, that’s exhausting… cause’ everybody seems to have their opinion for how you should live life, or how they could live your life better for you… that really eats at me… but I am definitely seeking God’s help in re-configuring my thoughts and heart to live in some kind of practical peace in regard to this cyclical debacle.

10:45pm

Life doesn’t get easier,

we get stronger…

(quote a guy shouted out while we were working out (F3))

July 3, 2017

10:33am

Dentist appt. rescheduled… super-blessed. abundant-life, we’ve been hooked up with a day off recognizing the fourth… praise God for independence, but even more for Liberty God has given us…. Redeemed, we are, free indeed. The Lord ‘is’ that Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty… (2 Corin. 3:17)

There’s not much planned. HA! No one knew we’d be off all-day… so we’re all kinda’ basking in that right now… prolly’ check out some hotel prices for this weekend… (for family/loved ones) who can visit and we can spend some time together in G-ville… very much looking forward to it. Really, really looking forward to it… this weekend has been awesome!!! Life is good… thank You Jesus for every struggle and victory… thank You for life abundant…

Thinking about Canada’s independence and America’s independence prompted me to think of Mexico’s independence (recognized May 5, but historically Sept. 16) which prompted me to think of immigration and acceptance and improved relations and a conscious effort to learn Spanish and make a conscious effort to understand their culture and thinking, heritage, that a mutual (proactive) exchange can be cultivated, not silence; indifference, or fear… I’m just saying… I’ve never been offended or disrespected by anyone native to Mexico, it’d seem to me that Americans need to be responsible for the great changes we boast of performing in the rest of the world… rather than looking down Uncle Sam’s nose…

9:34pm

There are some falsities in my life… ideas that I accept as correct; manners, and ways of thinking that I believe are the answer… Lord, help me with these beliefs that are not pleasing in Your sight–> these ideas that are the shattered, distorted, remnants of what is true. Deliver me from the snare of the enemy and help me to keep away from every appearance of evil.

10:27pm

–I’m not my own, Father

–Thank You for not throwing me away… even when I wanted to throw myself out.

 

June 27, 2017

7:03am

Thank You Jesus for the ‘rest’ You’ve granted me… a night of peaceful thought and restoration… Somewhere in a dream, I think mom and I were debating some point or another… *sheesh*–> but I’ve been well rested. Hallelujah!

Dunno’ if I’ve discussed this yet but it’s become exceedingly evident that I’ve got NO ‘CHILL’… not in the sense of being cool, but the ability to ‘relax gainfully’… at least that’s my personal definition… and this will be my target goal for the week… to gain some insight as to how to ‘relax gainfully’ (chill)… somewhere inside of me has been placed a firmly rooted seed of fear, that I rebuke in the name of Jesus, but I do firmly believe that it is the fear that time will be lost and that something will be missed or that something will not be accomplished… I’m not even necessarily trying to escape ‘it’ or ‘put a finger on it’… but I do wanna grow through it. Devotion is to begin shortly… so a review of last weeks studies are in order… Till’ later.. here’s to (glass clink) ‘Relaxing gainfully’.

3:54pm

(Home from work)(Personal Time with the Father)

Thank You Jesus for this process ofย becoming.ย 

10:46pm

Yo! I refuse to live in the fear of failing… *psshhh… My God’s arms are wide open…and yea, I fall short, everyday… but this bout’ more than just staying positive… there’s plenty people doing what they can to stay positive, but if that house is built on anything other than truth… then that house is temporary…and yea, my ‘houses’ been shook regularly to help me grasp this, and even today-, I’m understanding that, that’s what’s going to happen- the fears gotta’ be dispelled, the storms are coming, but NO MATTER… it’s for my good… Mold me, shape me, break me, recreate me, raise me… and whatever it takes… thank You for renewed faith and Spirit- taking any fears and help me see’em, and through’em… cause’ that’s all they are and they didn’t come from You… help me to recognize the good thing and desire that far above the wickedness… Help me remain driven, Father… bless my families, friends, and all I meet… and guard my heart against offense Lord… Watch over my enemies Father and if it be pleasing to You, grant them repentance.

June 26, 2017

9:40pm

Not my will… Lord Jesus, but Yours… be done… I’m glad i’m not in charge… cause’ You are the only one who can decree a righteous judgement… my own soul is not even within my grasp apart from You, Jesus…

Thank You for Your teachings, Lord… for helping me feel welcome despite all my shortcomings… and strengthening my faith by each of my weaknesses… I regularly fall short, but You’ve helped me understand it is not that I may be destroyed, but for my good…

Waiting on one of the bros. to come home from work… I’ve been instructed to give him a drug test and brealyzer… all dude had to do was call someone and let them know he’d be late… or that he was going to be working a double or something, but he hasn’t said anything to anyone… It’s really frustrating and I’ve addressed with the other guys how I was feeling, but they’re telling me… I don’t have to feel frustrated… it just irks me that the man I’m speaking of, has continually expressed in his actions that he just doesn’t care… (at least it comes off that way) and , yea, it bugs me…

Now, I’m being instructed not to let the man in the house without him speaking with the director… so, that’s what I’m gon’ be doing; sitting up, and being patient and waiting on my brother who I’ve lived with for about 7 months and known for over 12 months to ascertain whether or not the man is going to be allowed to continue living here… to find out what the deal is…

10:29pm

Just received a call from director… all is well and I can go to sleep… the guy was indeed still at work and he is on the way home now…

Praise God, thank You Jesus… for getting him here safe… and helping me to put my eyes on You and bringing priority back into focus. Form a sound perspective in me Lord.

June 5, 2017

10:59am

Today is better…well… the day is the day… but through the embracing of those truths God has revealed to His children… the icky -decrepitness of sin is waning from my heart, my bones… I can’t earn my way to heaven, nor can any man/woman… it’s God’s goodness, His mercy, His love for us that has been imparted to us by His son… Thank You Jesus. You are showing me, teaching me, softening my heart, giving me a heart to know You… You know how I can tend to mistakenly get off track, monitoring the stats of everyone else’s salvation, sanctification, and get ‘strung out’… My relationship with You should be depicted in the cross by my being appropriated with You and Your promises (vertically) firstly… rather than those relationships with others (laterally/horizontally). I can’t properly lay down my life (outstretched) without that personal relationship with You.

The picture, in my mind, (of the process of growth I’ve been going through) has been one of a sword–>> glowing in oranges, yellows, reds… and the man working/forging the blade is about to cool the blade, but that is the part of the process my body is trying to reject… the most uncomfortable…

Lord, help me not fight the process… Everyone tells me I’m passionate about anything I do and that it can come off as aggression sometimes… I’m afraid that if I get still–> that the passion may dissipate… I see this now… Lord, make my passion a spiritual one… no longer carnal. It’s not occurred to me that there could be a passion that is not good… but I suppose there is a carnal passion… (duh)… That is probably closely identified with pride… Lord help me not operate in that wretched state of corruption… but in the Christlike passion of Your son… untainted, true, full of mercy, grace, and Love.

9:45pm

Bout’ to lay it down… should have been done reading this book… I’ve been a little all over the place, but after some reflection and some very much needed words of encouragement I’ve received through various sources, I’m feeling a whole lot better. (Various literature, counselors, worship, prayer) I really had to open up and allow myself to grab hold of any and every good word that I could… this kind of stretching, regrouping, and growing is all so very new to me… I spent so much of my life ‘checked out’ or walking away from my issues. Many times my initial response to my issues (even this past year) has been similar, but I’m learning to look to God… not just clicking into survival mode whenever I am faced with an issue… those with the hope of Christ are free to live their lives without the fear of death.

 

June 1, 2017

7:28pm

Better now, but I was hurt’in earlier… Just tired of everything… … Altogether, beat… and ‘on edge’… Really wanted to say to hell with everything- going on where I’m at… but that’s ‘feelings’… Feelings are not not not to be lived by… there’d be countless flipped tables behind me, were that the case… Leaving the house would equate to leaving God’s will deliberately… leaving hasn’t been an option and it’s not an option… it hasn’t been– nor will it be… Were that the case (separation with house) I’d work from that point….. being that it is not the case, I told myself to get the ‘hell’ out the house… when two of my bros decided to make a trip up the road (into the city) I ‘dipped out’ –> ‘dipped out’ hard too, and that did me some good… Telling myself to let go let go let go let go let go, breathe!!! Nothing going on in this house should even have me ‘pulled taut’ in such a manner… but I’m far from perfect….

Lord help me stop- feeding the wrong dog… You see me better than I do… and I’ve made compromises… help me believe in Your work in me… help my unbelief Jesus… cause’ it won’t take much for me react marginally in response to someone’s ignorance. (and that ain’t right… <shaking head>)

I need YOU, Lord… <shaking head while smiling> I need You…

May 30, 2017

Vision-blurry (when looking long-distances, aging) Looking toward the LED clock of the cable box… we will be holding devotion shortly… used to be able to see stuff very well from this distance… must be getting older… ๐Ÿ™‚ (what a blessing! ๐Ÿ˜› )

Woke up this morning expectant of a ghost (from past) to text me… why I would desire that? Cause’ I tend to reach toward the foolish things when all around me is still and safe.. (making trouble…) The water all around me is still, so let me stand up in my ‘figurative kayak’ and rock it!!! <Rock-Rock-Rock> and what do you know…splash!!!!… I’m all Wet!!! That’s what the track record shows, but that’s not what it is today or what it’s gotta’ be… (but it gets those juices/emotions/tinglings/ ‘feel goods’, coursing through the veins).

17:23pm

Father God, forgive me for any lack of gratitude– thank You for refining me. Thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for the ‘re-direct’, helping me keep it real with myself, and not be ‘flaky’ toward You… help me NEVER EVER to settle… and to push with everything… where You are is where my life is hidden… help me live as such… rather than trade that for what ‘I wants and I thinks’…

Thank You for the desire You are fanning in my heart to seek You, knowing with every day, that You are moving me toward the future You’ve envisioned for me.