June 30, 2017

2:59pm

We are home, and what can I say??? The ‘Green River’- located in Saluda, NC’s awesome… For real, I almost grabbed one of those souvenir hats out the shop where we got outfitted to hit the river… I’ve been on ‘docked’ sailboats, and a few canoes, paddleboats, and the like… but I’ve never been on the water like we were this morning… we were on the water by 8am… we were all nervous/ anxious with excitement… we were in some kind of leathery-rubber type kayaks/boats (individual boats….single-person boats) called, ‘duckies’… the experience was well worth the wait, and well worth the time spent getting out there… we spent close to two and a half hours bobbing on and off rocks, learning how to navigate our vessels, HA! The greatest of our drop-offs was between 15-20 ft… it was intense… All of us- minus one of our crew took a few spills, nonetheless, I felt all the more amphibious. 🙂

After being released from the ‘treacherous’ confines of the murky deep, we ‘braved’ a 7/10 mile trail to our ,waiting, transportation… interesting fact… before the start of our ‘Green River’ Adventure we prayed that the rain would hold off… (forecast was for 97% chance of rain), and it literally began raining within the 10 min. following our exiting the water and starting up the trail. Thank You Lord.

June 8, 2017

9:26pm

Working on the ‘vertical’… (relationship from God to self..) Jumped the gun today at work… I was tasked with getting some saw horses built to a specific standard… with four other very capable men and all I had to do was be patient and abide in Christ to see how everything was going to develop, to see God work… instead of bearing that and enduring, I made it my job to tell my instructors they need to establish who is going to do what and who was going to head-up the job… My feelings tell me that they are complacent at times- and they are comfortable, and they can afford to just kinda’ handle the day all ‘laxadaisy’ like… immediately my survival senses kicked in because one of my instructors stands near me a few days during the week, and prods me to lead and critiques every damn thing I do… (this is ‘worse-case’ scenario… he cares about us, but it’s pressure I’m not used to… the criticism sounds similar to something else; from the past, I guess, that apparently gets under my skin…) I’m used to my bosses (previous employers) telling me, “Damn, you did a hell of a job…” or ” if anyone has any questions about what we are doing, ask ‘him’… he knows what we are doing.” Or someone having me work with someone and I’m watching them–> helping them… NOT five guys who all are eager to work and think they know everything, or the best way to do something… so, instead of waiting to have my fear realized (fear of failure, dysfunction, chaos, all being pinned on the man who has been here the longest…) I told the instructors… “No, ya’ll need to A,B, and C”…. No trouble ensued, but it left me feeling empty because in more ways than one, I robbed myself… firstly, of an opportunity to see God work… to see how things may have unfolded…

Going to lay it down soon.. thank You God for helping me recognize the errors and helping me stand and not act rashly…

I did not trust my instructors and more importantly I did not trust You… forgive me Father… Thank You… for Your grace, mercy, and faithfulness.

 

June 3, 2017

7:36am

Good morning life and wisdom and knowledge and blessing. Feeling good bout’ the decision to stay home and reflect… woke up bout’ 5:30am for group (F3) and we had a super-chill morning. There ‘s something about waking up early to meet the sunrise. Literally starting the day off on the right foot…. the less trodden path… (majority of people are not dying to wake up and exercise…) I’m glad to have been scooped up by these guys (F3)… they are good support…

Haven’t made plans for the rest of the day… prolly’ spend most of it round’ the house… I have never had trouble keeping myself occupied… that’s one of the perks of having floundered into so many backgrounds, cliques, and social groups… I’ve picked up many hobbies and interests… many mediums by which to channel and express ‘what’s inside’… (Hobbies are great… but not without respect to priorities…)

One of my main objectives today will include personal time with the Lord and ‘keeping my hand back off the stove’… (temptation)… cultivating the trust of God in me… I know He is taking care of me and my relationships, and still… I know what’s best…(picture that lol…<sarcasm> knowing what’s best for yourself…   🙂 ) That’s the vicious cycle… and yet, it doesn’t have to be… I have to stop giving the enemy space to tell me I don’t know God’s will… God’s will is that I prosper… and continue on the path that He has set before me.

Restore my desire Father… help me stand… endure… keep going… embracing the truth and peace.