August 18, 2017

11:06am

Family- all about-

feeding one another bread…

can not watch my brother starve

I won’t watch my brother starve…

but my heart broken-

ashes discarded-

my own steps-

overcast by shadows-

Lord, how Your name is hallowed…

but my will is hollow–

and sometimes live my life like it’s a BILO

and I call on Your name like a spill on an aisle

while my hands are idle…

scarcely will the man pick up a bible-

but speaks against the darkness like it’s also his rival

but stands wherever it’s dim lit-

when comes time to stand trial…

every trait acquired when he takes the bait-

becoming everything- he claims he hates…

where’s the light?

it’s quite far off from where it used to be… but not really

separated only by finger pointing

the guilt and shame

of every thing and action

sees exactly what happened

but dislocated more when he does

explain…

when he tries to…

Answer beside you-

never changed

it’s always been the same.

You’re not what you’ve been…

and just cause’ people call you by it…

doesn’t make it your name.

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August 17, 2017

5:43pm

It’s good, and it’s been good, and by ‘It’ we’re talking bout’ life… not the infamous clown created and spawned in a novel by Stephen King…

There’s nothing new under the sun… but under the Son, there’s a new-thing happening everyday… in a world where death is ministered to any unwitting audience that will receive it… God’s prepared a life for His children that is continually renewing itself… where life abides… I’m thankful I’m not waking up every morning dreading ‘today’ will be just like yesterday, and so on. Everyday is drawing the sons and daughters that much closer to each of God’s promises… Thank You Lord for impressing on me how that I did not have to pinpoint or figure out the mystery of Your love or an ‘Oh so boggling mystery of life’s purpose…’ I can remain driven by the fuel of the knowledge of Your grace and mercy for us, and find rest there, purpose, and all that is the only truth worthy of delving into.

Thank You, Father for helping me ‘let go’ of those things, people, and places that are not expedient for the life You’ve called me to; including myself.

August 9, 2017

3:30ish p.m.

Thank You  Lord for this time to reflect. On this day, the ninth day of August I can say, truly, without doubt; the Son of the One and only true and living God… is the Savior of all my life… especially, those areas of my life where I am still struggling, today… equally if not greater is the reality of my responsibility of guarding the treasure God has placed in me… It’s become evident to me that I’ve placed the desire to share the gospel ahead of guarding my salvation… This unhealthy cycle of being ‘for’ Christ but then allowing myself to essentially ‘lose my cool’ whenever I deem it ‘okay’…

The fact is that it is not ‘okay’ and will cost much more than is available to give… Not only do the episodes cost me, but what about the kingdom??? I know God is working in me, for me, and through me… but it’s become most unfortunate to come to grips with the fact that I am probably the biggest wedge between the people around me and the good news God has awake me to…

Lord thank You for the temperance needed in these areas of my life where I am struggling… I don’t want to be the tool of the enemy, help me lay down every offense, and receive the redemption You’ve made available to us.

 

August 5, 2017

5:34am

Things I can’t afford to ignore-

on avenues I’ve chosen to explore…

eradicate the lesser take on the debate-

on our anatomy’s autonomy

and on not being The Creator, but

thinking all of it belongs to me…

the songs we sing-

like we’re tossed at sea-

but only as it were spiritually

cause every true sailor prays G-O-D

in the midst of a storm full-blown or brewing

but like milk out of date-

sat in a Saturn on a Saturday

spoiling is the heart of the seeds of the patriarchs.

10:30pm

Late, got dinner down, and the day was good… especially considering my friend’s (Mentor) seen it fit to bless me with a vehicle. He wants to sell me his car for an extremely reasonable price… I can not think of a way to thank him. It’s pretty extraordinary, but the God we serve is extraordinary… after checking the car out earlier today, and going to play frisbee golf we went grocery shopping, came home, did the grill thing, and I convinced my brothers to watch ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ with me… Now we’re all knocking out..Zzz..

Thank You Holy Ghost for Your leading, and the abundance of Your grace and mercy.

July 28, 2017

4:17pm

Speak to this heart, Father. Illuminate my life with the understanding of the scriptures… of Your love for Your children. Thank You for the opportunities we have to share that love with others. We don’t have to be ashamed. Thank You for liberating Your children from darkness and sin. If we fall, You help us to get back up. Thank You for the quiet moments we have to spend alone with You. Thank You for helping me get home today, safe.

There’s so much going on in the world, but thank You Lord for supplying the needs of Your children.

Brother, keep reaching out– continue to seek God’s face– seek Him and He will reveal Himself to you, and He will deliver you into a life anew. You will be as an entirely new person. A person who lives contrary to all that we have known, said, or done. Everything we have believed about ourselves will be dispelled, that does not glorify God.

Thank You Jesus, for good health, and the ability, and time to praise You. You alone are God, and know all things. Your will be done Father… thank You for making all this possible.

July 25, 2017

Cut the crap out of my finger, today. It was bleeding, how do you say? (Hispanic accent) Profusely. Managed to do this on a ladder while instructor was telling me not to use a utility knife, right before my ‘Tech’ teacher shows up to have us perform a demonstration of tools, how to use them safely, and any tools that may not be safe… go ‘flipp’in’ figure. Then, so, I’m try’in to sneak around and hide the blood (semi-successfully) aaand… blood is going everywhere, the whole time, the enemy saying “all your instructor cares about is you making him look bad, you know what the hell you were doing… if he wasn’t standing over you, this woulda’ never happened.” So, this thang’ right here was doing what it could to fester’ and it was working, so good… cause’ as much work as I’ve done (which is whole frigg’in lot, apparently, in comparison with many guys I’ve met.) I’ve never had a run-in with my knife like I did, today… I lost focus… and this lack of attention could literally cost me so much more if I keep it up…

God is keeping me, and that’s the truth.. the truth I know I can abide in, still yet, pressure burst pipes… I know that I know that I know my perspective has to change… cause’ much of it ,(stress), is unnecessary; (I think, or maybe not) either way, I’ve got to learn to ‘roll roll roll with it’, without drinking, without smoking, with Christ. Thank You Father for helping me trust You, daily, and helping me change this bandage. (Literally, change this bandage 🙂 )

July 14, 2017

3:25pm

Four flags on the play! Hungry. Angry. Lonely. and Tired… it’s a lot of the same old everyday occurrence of ‘headbuttin’… something isn’t adding up in my spirit, for real, cause’ it seems like I continue to bite on the bullcrap lies the enemy throws at me through my past, and my ideas, coupled with my surroundings… this time it’s the lie that I’m not good enough… and I’m not, in the sense of being perfect; and, in the sense that I’ve got so much to work on… so, why the hell do I get so angry when my instructors try to share their view of how I’m also– worse than I think. I mean, that’s how the hell I take it..(receive what they’re saying). It’s like dodging dang raindrops… maybe it’s because of this type of dodging and adjusting myself that has fueled the frustrations… it’s ridiculous, YO!.. I’m not blaming the men, cause’ it’s obvious.. there’s nothing wrong with his view of how things are… but there’s definitely something wrong with how I view the ‘life’ he is attempting to speak into me… I don’t don’t don’t agree with all of his view of how people are supposed to do things in the workplace, at home, etc… but this journey hasn’t been a game for me and I’d prefer not to discuss anything with him, if the whole discussion is going to threaten my existence/reality where I am… People want me to graduate, I want to graduate, but like I said, before, it’s been, solely the grace of God that I’m still here, today… in life, and living where I am…

Jesus, thank You, I’m like stupid frustrated right now, and extremely bruised of heart… giving up is no option, but Jesus if my eyes have been blurred to something that is hindering me from responding to these incidents the proper way, Lord, please help me to see clear…

You didn’t bring me this far to miss the boat… I will be calm, Father… thank You for rest and helping me to stand. Your will, Father… not my own.