June 11, 2017

3:41pm

Short story… church was good… come home to run guys to Publix (Redbox return). We had a flat tire when we came out of church… my friend was a little angry… he’s had a lot of trouble with his Monterro since he’s bought it…

Update on what’s currently going on in this moment… I’m sitting at the conference table and one of my instructors is over here ( Not normal, it’s Sunday.) packing one of the guys up that lived here… he blew hot on a breathalyzer… multiple times… I sat and listened to this guy tell me so much good stuff… he was telling me bout’ his daughters, granddad, life, how much he appreciates me, how much good is going on for us… what he was saying, how he was saying it, and everything he was doing… led me to believe he was clearly not sober… As hard as it was to do… I had to bring this to the attention of my superiors… I told this man I want the best for him, and that’s all I could say… Instructor is trying to get him downstairs right now… it’s not a good time… and it’s convicting the hell out of me because I’ve definitely taken this place for granted… and that is the fruit of complacency… disqualification… Dude has to give up his bed, ‘this’ future, and the ‘order’ that he had in his life, and ‘hit the sidewalk’ with a bookbag and the weight of his bad decision.

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June 9, 2017

11:07am

Was sitting on ‘hold’ waiting on information concerning my Monday and Tuesday next week… (Praise God!) I hit the office up (dentist) called them, and they said they’ve had some vouchers for me since May… I was like, “whaaaaaatttt!?” “Awesome!!” .. I’ve never been scared/nervous bout’ going to the dentist… I love going to the dentist…

Class starts at 12:30pm, so we’ll be leaving shortly… fridge is packed, (leftover pizza/baked chicken… Praise God!) Food hasn’t been an issue for a good while… Tod God be the glory, is all I’m saying… Largest issue at the moment is determining where the F3 guys and I are going to run in the morning… it’s an honour and privilege… we all get a chance to be the head of the group… tomorrow will be my first time… (Hopefully the First of Many Firsts!) leading the group… God in hind-sight… You’ve brought me leaps and bounds… Help me continue to put this world away from me, embracing You, the truth, and Your will for us.

9:39pm

Change of plans on two accounts… No longer running F3 in the morning… an F3 brother is going to cover for me while I am away… after careful consideration, I’ve determined not to visit Columbia (parent’s house) tomorrow because there is other stuff going on at home right now… long story short, felt like it was in my best interest to stay home… 6am we are ‘peeling out’ (leaving) house on fishing trip at one of our newer brother’s houses… and I’m down for anything that’s going to draw us closer as a group (house)… (barring indecency)… it will also give me a better chance to get acquainted with the newest members of the house… looking forward to it… the other changes that were made involve dinner being changed from left-over pizza- to sausage and eggs…

Thank You Jesus for love, care, grace, and mercy… keeping us safe also.

June 4, 2017

1:40pm

Feeling like nothing right now… like a damn turd… not ‘using’, not ‘drinking’, but I been standing outside of where I’m being called…. all kinda’ distractions, temptations, and BS… feel’in like there’s no one to talk to… outwardly, I look super-kosher… but there’s a funk going on all inside of me, and sin is just begetting more sin… pushing me towards “You can’t bro, just don’t care anymore, stop caring…”  😦

You see, there is no barometer and that is no good for me. It’s like, “bro, you did that…. so what the hell??” (said or did something that wasn’t expedient)

It’s stupid and I hate this feeling… so everything just seems like it stinks (around me)… This is all directly related to my neglecting to study… I just haven’t been focused as I could be… So, here I am, even now, when I nee to be praying and seeking repentance in my heart. Truly… even when all is well, (as it is now) (Yesterday) I straight up shoveled all this ‘other-liness’ into my head, spirit, etc. I don’t want to complain, but this is what it is “put up or shut up..” “Don’t talk bout’ it, be about it… When the spirit says go study, you go study…

Jesus, thank You for Your grace and mercy… please don’t give me over to myself. I hear You and seen what You said in John… that those who love You, will keep Your commandments. Help me love You and not live foolishly…

6-4-2017 continued

5:58pm

Breathe, brother, breathe…

“You’re out of breath from chasing the wind…”

Anyway that you turn-

an echo of concern…

raises alarm

alerting impending harm…

You are brilliant, you are great,

but vulnerable

Your spontaneity is refreshing as

your impulsiveness

is catastrophic

and frightening.

 

 

May 30, 2017

Vision-blurry (when looking long-distances, aging) Looking toward the LED clock of the cable box… we will be holding devotion shortly… used to be able to see stuff very well from this distance… must be getting older… 🙂 (what a blessing! 😛 )

Woke up this morning expectant of a ghost (from past) to text me… why I would desire that? Cause’ I tend to reach toward the foolish things when all around me is still and safe.. (making trouble…) The water all around me is still, so let me stand up in my ‘figurative kayak’ and rock it!!! <Rock-Rock-Rock> and what do you know…splash!!!!… I’m all Wet!!! That’s what the track record shows, but that’s not what it is today or what it’s gotta’ be… (but it gets those juices/emotions/tinglings/ ‘feel goods’, coursing through the veins).

17:23pm

Father God, forgive me for any lack of gratitude– thank You for refining me. Thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for the ‘re-direct’, helping me keep it real with myself, and not be ‘flaky’ toward You… help me NEVER EVER to settle… and to push with everything… where You are is where my life is hidden… help me live as such… rather than trade that for what ‘I wants and I thinks’…

Thank You for the desire You are fanning in my heart to seek You, knowing with every day, that You are moving me toward the future You’ve envisioned for me.

April 29, 2017

12:22pm

Sat down to begin today’s entry and I have just remembered my plans to clean garage. Upon reading Proverbs… I’ll be going to handle that mess… it’s no burden… I’m actually looking forward to the task… it’s proactive, I get to use my hands, listen to the radio, and ‘space-out’ in a good way… thank You Lord for direction.

9:53pm

Got the garage knocked ‘all the way’ out… it’s very clean. HA!!! Felt really good about it… that process ran for about 2 hours or so… After rolling around a while with my brother who also ‘skates’ (45 min. tops) my ‘blood-brother’ text me and let’s me know he is in downtown Greenville… so, I hit him up and asked him if he could see a parking garage outside of the establishment he and his friends were at… and ‘dig this’ my bro was literally two blocks away… My housemate and I wen the two to the restaurant, which came complete with two bars (alcohol), which was not an issue for either of us… went to the back of the establishment where my brother and three of his friends come and sat down with us. We chatted for a moment and I felt impressed to pray with them and so I did… it was a major blessing to have been able to meet with them… after coming home, we mostly (all of us) ‘kicked it’ in a group… minus one individual… I’m trusting God in that work being performed in the young man’s heart.

Going to bed soon… church in the a.m. Thank You Father for divine appointments, for New life and a new thing.