June 29, 2017

8:17am

Week is ending, day is done… got my Little Caesar’s… bro and I are kinda’ watching a show about some guys tracking wolverines… tomorrow morning we will be hitting some kind of river… where we will be kayaking… I’ve never been kayaking… and it sounds very exciting… we will all be going… a time where we can all kinda’ unwind… and stretch out a lil’bit…

Had an appointment today to speak with one of my counselors (through an outside organization); to discuss my ‘lack of chill’… That appointment was put off and yet to be rescheduled… I called and spoke with my counselor, (to reschedule) but there were some other errands that needed to be run… so hopefully, next week I can have the appointment rescheduled… and I’m belittling the crap out of the issue… I was tied up with the worst knot in my chest and stomach around 11am… it’s stress… I’m sure of it.. the ‘movie’ is starting now… but , yea- I need to seek God and yea’, I need prayer, straight up.

11pm

Yes, I most probably-definitely should have been asleep by now… Now that I’ve made it to my room, I’m calming my mind and relaxing, setting alarms, and music for the a.m… Tomorrow is going to be incredibly interesting. Thank You Lord for a good time… and leading me to the ‘Chill’, Father.

May 30, 2017

Vision-blurry (when looking long-distances, aging) Looking toward the LED clock of the cable box… we will be holding devotion shortly… used to be able to see stuff very well from this distance… must be getting older… 🙂 (what a blessing! 😛 )

Woke up this morning expectant of a ghost (from past) to text me… why I would desire that? Cause’ I tend to reach toward the foolish things when all around me is still and safe.. (making trouble…) The water all around me is still, so let me stand up in my ‘figurative kayak’ and rock it!!! <Rock-Rock-Rock> and what do you know…splash!!!!… I’m all Wet!!! That’s what the track record shows, but that’s not what it is today or what it’s gotta’ be… (but it gets those juices/emotions/tinglings/ ‘feel goods’, coursing through the veins).

17:23pm

Father God, forgive me for any lack of gratitude– thank You for refining me. Thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for the ‘re-direct’, helping me keep it real with myself, and not be ‘flaky’ toward You… help me NEVER EVER to settle… and to push with everything… where You are is where my life is hidden… help me live as such… rather than trade that for what ‘I wants and I thinks’…

Thank You for the desire You are fanning in my heart to seek You, knowing with every day, that You are moving me toward the future You’ve envisioned for me.

May 3, 2017

8:32am

-Volunteer Activity this weekend.

3:53pm

Book: (Brainstorm) Professional Servant/Professional Laborer

-Pleasure is something totally different altogether than what it has perverted itself to being in my mind. God is the origin of true pleasures…and in order to receive that, I must acknowledge there is something seriously wrong with my pleasure gauge…. not that I’ve been a ‘freak on a leash’… God has granted me a degree of victory that trumps my desire to be immoral verbally, sexually, etc. I mean, wisdom and knowledge is pleasing and sweeter than it has ever been… yea, that may sound lame but it’s true, and I’m far from ashamed about that… but God is also revealing to me by Spirit that that’s far from ALL He was talking about, and if I will surrender that part of my mind that ‘trapdoors’ all that ‘icky-decrepit’ crap I’ve locked up over the years… that He will show me how to, and what we can do about those things; and not only will He remove each of those cancers, but He will replace that space with ‘LIFE’… a life-giving pleasure, rooted in praise and worship unlike I have ever known.

10:59pm

Funny thing about sin is…

ya’ think you know what it’s gonna cost…

We don’t.

May 2, 2017

9:28pm

Too–late,

grip loosening

encouragement

seeping through

weight increasing-

hanging over-shoulder-

giving in to negligence-

the time is spent

evidence in actions committed

how vivid the detail

unwavering

the scent that lingers

that welcomes any unsuspecting to trail

one walking

will continue

no never-mind of descent

esteeming the less respected

remembering their ascent.

One falling s’only focus

lies solely on

what lurks beneath..

no regard for where their going

nor the placement of their feet.

      Father, thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for helping me see clearly… thank You for blessing my placement here in the U.S. where we are privileged to be able to ‘shoot’ over to Jimmy Johns and nab one dollar subs… You’re worthy Lord… thank You for ordering our steps and the repairs You’ve performed in the relationships between myself and my dad.

April 15, 2017

10:40pm

     Not going to sit down right now and talk about how my whole day has been about Jesus… Lord knows I’ve been on every mental excursion I could possibly be on, today… but in my heart, my mind, and soul I’ve noticed the ache in my heart that recognizes how infinitely short we fall in relation to Your worthiness, Father… Jesus You are wholly aware of each of my imperfections… You know the depth of wickedness that hides in our hearts and yet You love me in spite of all of it… You DIED to redeem us from death… You command every part of that wickedness to be used in a way that I grow, that nothing is overlooked or for waste…NO part of this earth or our hearts/souls was made as waste… Father You are perfect in Your wisdom and majesty… for tomorrow, which is officially the day we recognize as Your resurrection, the day some call easter, I pray that a new thing is done in our hearts, that many souls would be drawn to You, that the body of believers (especially myself) can set aside all distraction and devote myself to You, You are welcome Father… Thank You for teaching and helping me to worship in Spirit and truth…

April 9,2017

9:31pm

Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus, Praise the Lord! Today was all the way ‘legit’! Went on a Sunday trek with *mentor name here*… took two housemates with me and it was an adventure from the moment we took off… Praising the Lord, sharing our weeks, getting our hearts ‘zero’d’ in on the Lord… opening our hearts and embracing God’s presence in our lives. It was great to be able to share the day I usually spend with *mentor name here*, with my ‘brothers’ also. It blessed them both in a major way… blessed me also.

     We made a visit to another man who is on the road to recovery… The reward of having our relationship with Christ… and with each other… it’s amazing to say the least, and it’s a new day, every day is new with the LORD…

     Two or three days from now I’ll be moving downstairs to the ‘Master Suite’ you could say… with the position I’m getting in the house… you get a room to yourself… so, I’ll be looking to implement some old strategies to assist me in the getting up in the morning… I’ve had to tone it down a lot to work with my roommate… but the moment I get in this room in a strict wake-up routine is going to be implemented… I gotta get up earlier that’s all there is to it.

     Thank You Father for Your will in my life.

April 8, 2017

1:08am

     It’s one o’clock in the morning… my night light is a hand crank am-fm radio, complete with flashlight… come upstairs to go to sleep… Before going to sleep, for the nth time I’ve thought about this, and I won’t put it aside, tonight… this is proof and the evidence… the Word says that a prudent wife cometh from the Lord, and my memory retires at any attempt to recall the number of times I’ve wondered what she’d be like… where she’d be from, what she’d sound like, what kind of interests would she have… Focus is important and God has given me that… Patience is important and God has given me that, and perspective… to understand that patience isn’t for me to “wait for her” so much as the patience is for me to be patient with my discipline, training, and instruction… when it’s time, it’ll be time… and we will know… thank You Jesus for fitting me as a capable man, son, brother, nephew, cousin, grandson, and husband. I trust You.

11:12pm

     Today went extremely well… cookout, volleyball tournament, resist temptation (successfully), grocery shopping, back home, ‘peace’d up’ everything with parents, cooked (cheeseburgers), watch t.v./movie, bout’ to lay it down for tomorrow… another big day with ‘Mentor name here’ aka the Pilgrim… he runs like that all the time it would seem. City to town to state…. it’s an admirable ‘walk’, it is, and I’m not aiming to miss the mark, but to accomplish the Father’s will in my life, as well.