May 3, 2017

8:32am

-Volunteer Activity this weekend.

3:53pm

Book: (Brainstorm) Professional Servant/Professional Laborer

-Pleasure is something totally different altogether than what it has perverted itself to being in my mind. God is the origin of true pleasures…and in order to receive that, I must acknowledge there is something seriously wrong with my pleasure gauge…. not that I’ve been a ‘freak on a leash’… God has granted me a degree of victory that trumps my desire to be immoral verbally, sexually, etc. I mean, wisdom and knowledge is pleasing and sweeter than it has ever been… yea, that may sound lame but it’s true, and I’m far from ashamed about that… but God is also revealing to me by Spirit that that’s far from ALL He was talking about, and if I will surrender that part of my mind that ‘trapdoors’ all that ‘icky-decrepit’ crap I’ve locked up over the years… that He will show me how to, and what we can do about those things; and not only will He remove each of those cancers, but He will replace that space with ‘LIFE’… a life-giving pleasure, rooted in praise and worship unlike I have ever known.

10:59pm

Funny thing about sin is…

ya’ think you know what it’s gonna cost…

We don’t.

May 2, 2017

9:28pm

Too–late,

grip loosening

encouragement

seeping through

weight increasing-

hanging over-shoulder-

giving in to negligence-

the time is spent

evidence in actions committed

how vivid the detail

unwavering

the scent that lingers

that welcomes any unsuspecting to trail

one walking

will continue

no never-mind of descent

esteeming the less respected

remembering their ascent.

One falling s’only focus

lies solely on

what lurks beneath..

no regard for where their going

nor the placement of their feet.

      Father, thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for helping me see clearly… thank You for blessing my placement here in the U.S. where we are privileged to be able to ‘shoot’ over to Jimmy Johns and nab one dollar subs… You’re worthy Lord… thank You for ordering our steps and the repairs You’ve performed in the relationships between myself and my dad.

April 15, 2017

10:40pm

     Not going to sit down right now and talk about how my whole day has been about Jesus… Lord knows I’ve been on every mental excursion I could possibly be on, today… but in my heart, my mind, and soul I’ve noticed the ache in my heart that recognizes how infinitely short we fall in relation to Your worthiness, Father… Jesus You are wholly aware of each of my imperfections… You know the depth of wickedness that hides in our hearts and yet You love me in spite of all of it… You DIED to redeem us from death… You command every part of that wickedness to be used in a way that I grow, that nothing is overlooked or for waste…NO part of this earth or our hearts/souls was made as waste… Father You are perfect in Your wisdom and majesty… for tomorrow, which is officially the day we recognize as Your resurrection, the day some call easter, I pray that a new thing is done in our hearts, that many souls would be drawn to You, that the body of believers (especially myself) can set aside all distraction and devote myself to You, You are welcome Father… Thank You for teaching and helping me to worship in Spirit and truth…

April 9,2017

9:31pm

Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus, Praise the Lord! Today was all the way ‘legit’! Went on a Sunday trek with *mentor name here*… took two housemates with me and it was an adventure from the moment we took off… Praising the Lord, sharing our weeks, getting our hearts ‘zero’d’ in on the Lord… opening our hearts and embracing God’s presence in our lives. It was great to be able to share the day I usually spend with *mentor name here*, with my ‘brothers’ also. It blessed them both in a major way… blessed me also.

     We made a visit to another man who is on the road to recovery… The reward of having our relationship with Christ… and with each other… it’s amazing to say the least, and it’s a new day, every day is new with the LORD…

     Two or three days from now I’ll be moving downstairs to the ‘Master Suite’ you could say… with the position I’m getting in the house… you get a room to yourself… so, I’ll be looking to implement some old strategies to assist me in the getting up in the morning… I’ve had to tone it down a lot to work with my roommate… but the moment I get in this room in a strict wake-up routine is going to be implemented… I gotta get up earlier that’s all there is to it.

     Thank You Father for Your will in my life.

April 8, 2017

1:08am

     It’s one o’clock in the morning… my night light is a hand crank am-fm radio, complete with flashlight… come upstairs to go to sleep… Before going to sleep, for the nth time I’ve thought about this, and I won’t put it aside, tonight… this is proof and the evidence… the Word says that a prudent wife cometh from the Lord, and my memory retires at any attempt to recall the number of times I’ve wondered what she’d be like… where she’d be from, what she’d sound like, what kind of interests would she have… Focus is important and God has given me that… Patience is important and God has given me that, and perspective… to understand that patience isn’t for me to “wait for her” so much as the patience is for me to be patient with my discipline, training, and instruction… when it’s time, it’ll be time… and we will know… thank You Jesus for fitting me as a capable man, son, brother, nephew, cousin, grandson, and husband. I trust You.

11:12pm

     Today went extremely well… cookout, volleyball tournament, resist temptation (successfully), grocery shopping, back home, ‘peace’d up’ everything with parents, cooked (cheeseburgers), watch t.v./movie, bout’ to lay it down for tomorrow… another big day with ‘Mentor name here’ aka the Pilgrim… he runs like that all the time it would seem. City to town to state…. it’s an admirable ‘walk’, it is, and I’m not aiming to miss the mark, but to accomplish the Father’s will in my life, as well.

Letter to Self (Relapse Prevention Exercise)

Letter to Self (personal example)

Kept in my wallet at all times… I read occasionally as a supplement of sorts. This letter was written as an exercise, in the first months of my journey to liberty in Christ.

Thank You Jesus for Your saving grace and restoration.

Kernel,

     First off–> Head up homie! I love you! I love you very much! I’m writing from “where you’ve been…” you and I both know how rough it has been getting to where we are today. Put all thoughts of ‘using’ away from you!!! at least  while you are reading this… whatever you are going through… mad, angry, sad… it’s not worth “YOU”,–> the real “YOU”. The you that you are right now while I’m writing this. The “YOU”  that you are in Christ. There’s no woman worth it, no amount of high worth it… TRIX are for kids and if you get high or drunk you are a sucker… want the finer things–> set your affection on things above… I  N-E-E-D YOU! Kyrell, Kendale, and Keldon, Mom, Dad, Kam’ron—- Call someone, go do something for someone, whatever you do–> don’t use–> don’t be an idiot–> don’t be deceived, the devil is a liar and the father of them. Cats have 9 lives–> you don’t–> how many more have to die before you see you’ve been spared??? God is going to hold you responsible… You have to “push through: or you’ll just be ‘playing’ yourself, and for that, there is no help. If you get high/drunk right now, whatever you have going on will get worse I promise you. Self-control Kernel–> I need you to play like a champ right now! Not like a rookie. Making this decision like a King and not a peasant. You are blessed and highly favored. If you aren’t home. Get home! Now! If you are home–> Pick up the phone and tell someone what is going on! Regret–>Death–> thoughts of resentment–>feelings of worthlessness–>like you are 2ft. tall–> that is NOT what you want! Shake it off! In the name of JESUS! I love you Kernel! I do for real! We make mistakes and certain things happen that we can’t control, but when you push through this I promise you will feel better and things will work out. They have to! All things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 I’m soo DAMN PROUD OF YOU BRO! Shake it off!

April 3, 2017

8:36pm

     There are some seriously disturbing news stories on the show ‘Primetime Justice’… kidnapped girls, kids and women being stabbed, shot, killed… I can’t help but  be ‘taken back’ by it all… and the death of those ‘friends of the family’ in the past week… my dad’s friend, her funeral was today, my brother sang at it… I did not dwell on any details of either death… God is a God of mercy, of grace, of perfection, of comfort, of peace, and of Love… I believe the young lady and friend of my dad’s are in Heaven… I didn’t call my parent’s house, maybe I’ll call my mom here in a few minutes.. but the whole matter… I can’t ‘be’ there for everything that is going on there… my life is here and now… and I’m hurt knowing all of the people who’ve been effected by this… for the families involved… All day I’ve been telling myself (whenever my thoughts ‘go to home’)… that this is not about you.. give God gratitude…  for your family… praise God for His goodness… pray for your family… pray for the families… keep your head up for the trust you can place in God.

     I’ve wanted to speak with someone and I have ‘very little’… I’ve also felt like it’s not much to discuss outside of prayer… the families need prayer. Lord show me how and what to pray for… give me the perspective on this; that sustains life…