July 8, 2017

3:42pm

Happy B-Day! Self! Officially 28 years old day… and that’s bout’ surreal to me as it was turning 25… There’s a pot of coffee brewing, I’m waiting on (Bob Mentor) to get here… we’re gon’ have a cup of coffee and ‘catch up’  a lil’ bit, talk about some scriptures… sing a few songs… (very much looking forward to this… thank You Jesus, for Your disciples.)

After the devotion time with Bob, someone was feeling ‘live’/festive, so they bought some chicken, etc. to throw  on the grill so i’m stoked.’

5:07pm

*Not perfect.

6:25pm

Hey Sun!!! (aka – Big Ball of fire in the sky… You are probably one of the greatest exclamations of God’s glory (in plain sight) a testament of His might and power… It’s  a privilege to exist alongside you… with the privilege to testify of His majesty… Our God is unlimited, He made you, and He made me, He made us… He gave you purpose, He also created me with purpose… By Him do we all consist… People talk about the sun burning out… they speak of the capacity of your doing harm to all of mankind or neglecting humanity… truth is- You are obedient to your master- and you will perform no such thing outside of your creator’s design… thank you for your testimony (sun)… you are finite, as am I (flesh), but praise be to God for that glory that has yet to be revealed in us. All that has sustained us and held us in the balance… Thank You Father for Your infinite glory… for everything that is working together… for us… for Your will… thank You for Your faithfulness… thank You Father for helping me live a life by Your grace and mercy to show myself approved.

June 29, 2017

8:17am

Week is ending, day is done… got my Little Caesar’s… bro and I are kinda’ watching a show about some guys tracking wolverines… tomorrow morning we will be hitting some kind of river… where we will be kayaking… I’ve never been kayaking… and it sounds very exciting… we will all be going… a time where we can all kinda’ unwind… and stretch out a lil’bit…

Had an appointment today to speak with one of my counselors (through an outside organization); to discuss my ‘lack of chill’… That appointment was put off and yet to be rescheduled… I called and spoke with my counselor, (to reschedule) but there were some other errands that needed to be run… so hopefully, next week I can have the appointment rescheduled… and I’m belittling the crap out of the issue… I was tied up with the worst knot in my chest and stomach around 11am… it’s stress… I’m sure of it.. the ‘movie’ is starting now… but , yea- I need to seek God and yea’, I need prayer, straight up.

11pm

Yes, I most probably-definitely should have been asleep by now… Now that I’ve made it to my room, I’m calming my mind and relaxing, setting alarms, and music for the a.m… Tomorrow is going to be incredibly interesting. Thank You Lord for a good time… and leading me to the ‘Chill’, Father.

June 25, 2017

Church of One

Hallelujah! Praise God!

I will lift my hands high,

I will clap like lightning,

I will stomp like thunder–

and rejoice like the rain

that has been long awaited-

without shame and without distraction

unlimited and steady

in my uneasy discoverings of Your righteousness

and glories…

For You came to save the sinner-

the heartbroken-

the needy…

Not the perfect

not the rich

or those given to philosophies

or false ideologies…

The message is for all

but all will not receive it.

This is no secret…

but if you’ve spent long nights in the desolate places

if you are not accepted-

if you have done the untold horrors-

if you have thoughts that you are afraid to share with anyone…

if you can’t stop…

if you’re dying by your own hands-

if you are bring death to your community or perpetuating the same

if you want to care but think it’s harder than not

if you are ‘ever-wanting’ and cannot cease wandering

if you are driven of passions that are inconclusive

but feel better than nothing at all…

if you are drowning in a tangible quilt of darkness and are breathing through a straw-

if you are waiting for the next set of evils to befall you…

If you have no feeling at all and have made it a truth in your mind that your situation is impossible and there is no place to pick up from, and everything is ruined…

The TRUTH

is that

there is restoration

there is a Rock to stand on

there is hope

there is a cup of plenty

a rich thereafter

there is deliverance

there is a better life

a better way

there is strength for feeble bones

there is meat for the hungry soul that shall never perish

there is that drink that quenches the eternal longings of those lost in a thick wood…

there is direction for the wayward—

light in the midst of the torrential wind.

 

 

 

 

June 22, 2017

6:26am

Thank You Jesus for helping me be safe in the workplace, today… also, helping me not to be shrewd of others, but understanding and compassionate…bold, but humble… thank You for helping me manage my emotions as a child of God and helping me take hold of every thought, that exalts itself against You, Lord… Your will be done.

4:30pm

At home now, preparing food…<foods done>… there was a fairly consistent drizzle all morning, and despite that we managed to get two houses framed up fairly well… with the assistance of a few volunteers… (group of individuals who volunteered from an organization sponsoring one of the houses.)

Upon leaving work we grabbed our checks and made our deposits… after coming home… I spent, literally, 30 mins. using this system that I was referred to, to memorize scripture… and, no joke, the system hasn’t failed me… I reckon, (haha!), you could memorize the whole ‘Good book’ using that system… (using a heavy- country- draw).

Now, that I’ve finished eating… I reckon, I’ll go wait on my brothers… to get home… we’ll go hit some balls or something… (HA! Picture that…) We’ll be working tomorrow, so, I’ll prolly’ actually try and lay it down at a reasonable time… (I NEVER DO…Ha!)

Thank You Jesus for bringing me home safe…and taking care of our ‘big ole’ heads’.

 

June 21, 2017

9:31pm

Time to go to sleeeeep….. ready to pray, rest, and invite any and all ministering of the angels and ministering spirits… whatever it is I need, comes straight from God… be it patience, endurance, rest, etc. Rest is precisely what I need… spiritual rest… I’ve been on some ole’ busy ness stuff; and the last thing I wanna do is busy myself off a cliff… One of my instructors favorite examples of our vulnerability is depicted in sheep… how without a shepherd… sheep will walk right off a cliff while eating grass. I don’t wanna walk off any cliff…

Today has been great… spent the morning putting up walls. After lunch we scooped a brother who will be coming to live with us, and made our way to class (NCCR), after class, we come home, and ‘kicked-it’ for maybe 2 hours before driving to Wednesday Night Service… I’ve got a lunch with the Pastor Sunday afternoon, I am looking forward to it very much… there’s two men at church that have been reaching out to me and I really want to work with them, but there’s just sooo much going on right now… life is good and I want to get plugged in, but I’m just waiting on God’s moving in my life… I’ve been fiddling round’ in some crowds I shouldn’t be… not that they are unholy but because it just is plain not alright for right now…(female)… You’d think getting burned one time would be enough, but that’s what it was, and I believe I’m straight. Now, to ‘dust-off’, and walk it out… focus is most important and not focus on everything/anything… but on one thing… Christ’s love for me, cause’ His love is real love and that’s reality… I don’t want fantasy no more… I don’t want lies… regardless their sweetness, their appearance… In the end true love that results in relationship with
Christ… everything in and of this world will be shaken.

June 20, 2017

5:32pm

-Homework for new class “knocked out”…

-Personal devotion time.

-Set-up payments to be made on (defaulted) student-loans

-Installed first walls.. today (I’ve never messed with framing… but I’ma be here working with these guys start to finish on the two houses we are currently building…. all walls were built offsite and we put the first ones up today.) It truly is a big deal to be apart of the projects… To see the effect our presence has on the surrounding community is incredible.

-I’ve completed the work requested by my instructor..(leadership workbook)

-Cooking and eating dinner…

-5:44pm…called dad… maybe go to gym… currently undecided.

-Feeling grateful

-My friend started a new job– hope it is panning out well.

-Big day tomorrow… need to lay it down at a reasonable time…

-Mentor is back from missions trip (Dominican Republic)… I’ll see him tomorrow.

-Ms. Basil (plant) is doing well from what I can tell… trimmed, water, relocated “her” for sunlight. (bought her Saturday).

-Bought a ‘dinky’ Venus fly-trap…Sunday… and he’s, for real, struggling… I’ve pretty much left him to God.. cause he needs serious help… I think I’ve done all I can. (Thinking Lowe’s pimped me on that one. 😦     …… Live and learn… the next dealer I get this bundle of terrors from will be certified… 😉 … prolly name them ‘killJoy’ or ‘Bittersweet’, but I’m super excited. Thank You Jesus… for New Life.

June 19, 2017

3:59pm

Reflection: 

Proverbs 19:2– Increase learning, heeding wisdom, instruction… of which the origin is of God… not being so sure myself and own experiences but trusting in God’s will for my life.

Proverbs 19:3– My own wishes/desires, apart from Christ, distorts clarity in the way that has been laid out for me… if I am distraught with my own plans not ‘coming together’, is it not God’s plans that I am distraught with? Is it not God’s plans that are being ever-fulfilled? So if I’m fretting, is it not against the plan He has ordained?

Proverbs 19:19- A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again… (Note: Speak with director bout’ this ‘wrath’ and his thoughts on where it may be generated from… and if it can be addressed in another manner than how I am, currently.)