Real Time: 12:29pm…Need of Prayer

Please pray for the family of all those with family members stuck in the midst of addiction.

Just got word a brother and friend of mine who has been doing exemplary work in the field of disciple-ing men and “walking out” the faith was found dead this morning, (drug-related), after going out of town to visit his family.

This man had hopes, dreams, and a very bright future ahead of him.

He was not ashamed of the gospel of Christ.

For whatever reason, last night he made a fatal decision that cost him his life.

For all those struggling in addiction. You don’t have to live life alone. There is help and your life does have worth; more care for you than you know.

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August 3, 2017

10:45pm

     It’s that time again, made it through another day.. It’s been a good day. Mom and two of my brothers made a stop by the jobsite and showed us the fish they caught last night. The fish were massive… 10plus lbs., for sure. My brother (brother’s name here) birthday was today and it was good to see him… I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten him a gift or anything, but God seen fit to bless me with the ‘ends’ to share with my brother, today… that’s been a big deal for me… I want to be a brother to my brother, and I know money is not the measure of our hearts per say, but I was grateful for the opportunity.

Evaluations were also today… for the most part… so much grace has been extended to me… I mean, as skeptical and critical as I am of myself, my instructor’s constructive criticism is much less harsh than the voice of condemnation that springs up from my own flawed thinking.

Father, weigh my heart, try my ways, and remove every ill-thing, be it favored in my eyes or not.. remove it far from me.

July 21, 2017

4:02pm

Off of work for the day… I’d have typically changed clothes by now, but I’ve decided to intentionally float a lil’ bit… I’m a lil’ bit of a ‘control freak’, sometimes… even setting aside time for daily entries… there are a handful of things that I appreciate the completion of, daily. Every once in a while, I’ll run into someone who is understanding of this kind of thinking… the activities are all part of a means of semi-accountability… were the deeds not accomplished I’d definitely be forced to do some kind of personal inventory.

9:29pm

The night has summed itself up well… we decided on tacos… threw in the money, made the journey to Wal-mart, ate, and are now winding down… I’ve made my way to room… thinking of the innumerable opportunities I’ve had in life, and how blessed I am to be here today… thinking about the siding we will be hanging tomorrow, our house is a little behind (progress-wise), the other house we are building next to it. (There are two homes being built…) God has been so good to us, and there is not one moment He doesn’t deserve our praise… God, if You can change my heart… and give me new life, then You can touch my brothers, if You can touch my brothers, You can touch my family, if You can touch my family and my house, You can touch the community… All this You have done… help me not to depart from that Love which is You, which is true.

May 24, 2017

6:24am

Waking up at 5:30am… I’m doing it and loving it… thank You Lord for helping me stay at it…

Not that I am going to expound on it, right now, but I am one of those who spent so much time thinking about why, when, how a person said something to others, or myself, and I did internalize and take everything personally… if for no other reason… it was all so that I could give God the praise for mending that area of my life, today… He has done the work and I am clinging to that healing everyday… that I can live peaceably toward all men and women.

10pm

Not bout’ to let my emotions get the best of me concerning phone call I just had with Dad… Every man has to give an account for the lives they’ve lived… enough said, I love my dad ‘kapeesh”’ My mom says to pray… that’s what we do… there’s nothing wrong with dad… He’s great and I love him… it’s that I want more for him… I don’t know how much better I can express that… I just want more for him.

Spent the night out with a mentor from Asheville, NC… I worked on and off with him from 2012 to 2015… He’s been an instrumental part of many of the lessons learned in the time I spent in North Carolina. (He looked out for me on more than one occasion when things spun out of control.) It was good getting to see him and his wife ‘together’… long story short, they were going through a heck of alot back when I was living near them… to put it simple, they were living separately… Praise God! It isn’t like that anymore… they share a beautiful home, today.

After tying up a few ends… (getting dinner, throwing out trashy, handling dishes, sweeping, and ironing pants for tomorrow’s function…) I’m bout’ ready to crash… Tomorrow is going to be a little ‘busy’, thank You Father for leading me, for clarity, patience, integrity… and sincerity.

May 14, 2017

9:03am

“As it is in Heaven, It is in me…” those are some beautiful lyrics right there… sitting here in the gymnasium where Adult Sunday School is held… I’ve only just remembered that I need my Sunday School book… (workbook)… so far, I’m the only one in class aside from instructor… I arrived with the instructor… Went into kitchen and brewed coffee for congregation and Sunday School classes… I’ve just come to sit down and there’s praise music playing from instructor’s laptop outta’ some large speakers.

I’m up to about 4 people I have looked in the eye and said good morning to… Not that I’m trying to keep count… it’s just not something that *feels super natural… Up to 5 now… hehehe… I’m trippin… God is good… just went on a mini-text spree…texting a total of 4 aunts, my momma, two cousins (reminding them it’s momma’s day).

***Phone Going off now… ti’s note-taking time… class is starting.

5:20ish pm

Who wants to be a tinkling cymbal? Or sounding brass??? (1Corinthians 13:1) Making much *noise* without Love? Not I… like being a bucket with a hole in it… shooot! I wanna serve my purpose… The days of seeing how close to the edge of a cliff I can come… I’m done with that… The days of flexx’in for vain glory, or to exalt myself… I don’t wanna hop off *the ship* for that… somedays I step right on the banana peel… I’m glad God isn’t like me… doesn’t harbor resentments, and forgives us… I’m glad He’s patient and longsuffering… cause’ I’da been gone-gone–> like, for real… *take out the trash gone… we’ll be cranking up service here shortly… at the OC for tonight… body didn’t wanna do it, but last time I checked, God is still worthy, and I’m still breathing, and could still use more of Him.

10pm

Not gonna lie– today was a great day! Mom happy, dad happy, all my aunties, my Nana, showed them all some love… felt good to be able o put them all before needing enough money to get ‘tore up’ today… Felt so dog-on good, I left a super off-key version of ‘Precious Lord’ on my Nana’s voicemail… gawwwwww-leeeee!!! it was off-key but I finished anyways and told her Happy Mother’s Day!! Text one woman who wasn’t family… told her Happy Mother’s Day… that probably was a “no, maybe I should not have.” but I did… and I think I’m glad I did…

Now, getting it back in focus… Buzz lightyear is back in the house… guy that I’m to be working with on interacting peaceably… it’s a challenge… but I accept it and I’m looking forward to being able to work with him this week… intentional responses and interactions… I’m talking that real ‘agape’ type love… not the tink-tink kind… so Thank You God for renewing my mind and Spirit and helping me walk accordingly this week…

Lord You know my heart and where my head is, Thank You for helping me focus on You and only You, handing You all of my cares.

May 10, 2017

Letter to Pastor

Dear (Pastor Name Here)

My heart was overjoyed this past Sunday to receive communion and have the privilege of hearing the sermon the Lord place on your heart… Many years have passed and I determined to learn many lessons the ‘long and hard way’… but I am delighted to share with you the gratitude I have for that work which God began in me at ECPHC… and is perfecting, today… Thank You so much for every prayer, and every thought you’ve had toward the repentance God has granted me… I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ… Thank You for every kindness that was shown to me, and every example of God’s love that was extended to me… I’m not sure what tomorrow may bring… but I am confident of the Holy Spirit’s working in my heart and I hope daily toward the revelation of Christ. I live in Greenville, SC and I have a very exciting future ahead of me…

ECPHC will always be my home church and thoughts of your well-being and encouragement are with me regardless of where I am, where I find myself, or who I encounter.

God bless you, the entire (Surname) family, and the body of believers.

Thanks again,

Kernel

Note::::Letter written to the church of my adolescence after visiting over a weekend.

May 6, 2017

11:06pm

We’ve (family) sustained a steady rain for the past three hours… and we are all pretty whooped, now… but I’m not complaining… Dinner for Dad was awesome!!! Mom did one heck of a job getting everything prepared…

My brothers and I helped setup, and the youngest, and I cooked with my Dad’s mom (my Nana)… I cooked more chicken on the grill, today, than I’ve ever cooked at one time. Saw cousins today that I haven’t seen in years, literally… everyone who attended made a reflection or two in order to honor my dad. After opening the dinner with a prayer, and enjoying the powerpoint presentation mom created we fellowshipped with one another, exchanged numbers, ate cake, and food.

Today was one heck of a blessing… the best part was sharing some of what God’s done for me… with everyone in attendance… without restraint… I was a little nervous, but how could I allow the opportunity to slip past me… to be able to share my relationship with my family… Life gets better, Yo!!! Lay down your burdens… God sustains this family and everyone we meet… He is working in us… and I will keep Your word Lord… I will pursue righteousness… You know the hearts and needs of all the families we met today… thank You for keeping us, Father, receiving our praise, and hearing our prayers.