May 24, 2017

6:24am

Waking up at 5:30am… I’m doing it and loving it… thank You Lord for helping me stay at it…

Not that I am going to expound on it, right now, but I am one of those who spent so much time thinking about why, when, how a person said something to others, or myself, and I did internalize and take everything personally… if for no other reason… it was all so that I could give God the praise for mending that area of my life, today… He has done the work and I am clinging to that healing everyday… that I can live peaceably toward all men and women.

10pm

Not bout’ to let my emotions get the best of me concerning phone call I just had with Dad… Every man has to give an account for the lives they’ve lived… enough said, I love my dad ‘kapeesh”’ My mom says to pray… that’s what we do… there’s nothing wrong with dad… He’s great and I love him… it’s that I want more for him… I don’t know how much better I can express that… I just want more for him.

Spent the night out with a mentor from Asheville, NC… I worked on and off with him from 2012 to 2015… He’s been an instrumental part of many of the lessons learned in the time I spent in North Carolina. (He looked out for me on more than one occasion when things spun out of control.) It was good getting to see him and his wife ‘together’… long story short, they were going through a heck of alot back when I was living near them… to put it simple, they were living separately… Praise God! It isn’t like that anymore… they share a beautiful home, today.

After tying up a few ends… (getting dinner, throwing out trashy, handling dishes, sweeping, and ironing pants for tomorrow’s function…) I’m bout’ ready to crash… Tomorrow is going to be a little ‘busy’, thank You Father for leading me, for clarity, patience, integrity… and sincerity.

May 14, 2017

9:03am

“As it is in Heaven, It is in me…” those are some beautiful lyrics right there… sitting here in the gymnasium where Adult Sunday School is held… I’ve only just remembered that I need my Sunday School book… (workbook)… so far, I’m the only one in class aside from instructor… I arrived with the instructor… Went into kitchen and brewed coffee for congregation and Sunday School classes… I’ve just come to sit down and there’s praise music playing from instructor’s laptop outta’ some large speakers.

I’m up to about 4 people I have looked in the eye and said good morning to… Not that I’m trying to keep count… it’s just not something that *feels super natural… Up to 5 now… hehehe… I’m trippin… God is good… just went on a mini-text spree…texting a total of 4 aunts, my momma, two cousins (reminding them it’s momma’s day).

***Phone Going off now… ti’s note-taking time… class is starting.

5:20ish pm

Who wants to be a tinkling cymbal? Or sounding brass??? (1Corinthians 13:1) Making much *noise* without Love? Not I… like being a bucket with a hole in it… shooot! I wanna serve my purpose… The days of seeing how close to the edge of a cliff I can come… I’m done with that… The days of flexx’in for vain glory, or to exalt myself… I don’t wanna hop off *the ship* for that… somedays I step right on the banana peel… I’m glad God isn’t like me… doesn’t harbor resentments, and forgives us… I’m glad He’s patient and longsuffering… cause’ I’da been gone-gone–> like, for real… *take out the trash gone… we’ll be cranking up service here shortly… at the OC for tonight… body didn’t wanna do it, but last time I checked, God is still worthy, and I’m still breathing, and could still use more of Him.

10pm

Not gonna lie– today was a great day! Mom happy, dad happy, all my aunties, my Nana, showed them all some love… felt good to be able o put them all before needing enough money to get ‘tore up’ today… Felt so dog-on good, I left a super off-key version of ‘Precious Lord’ on my Nana’s voicemail… gawwwwww-leeeee!!! it was off-key but I finished anyways and told her Happy Mother’s Day!! Text one woman who wasn’t family… told her Happy Mother’s Day… that probably was a “no, maybe I should not have.” but I did… and I think I’m glad I did…

Now, getting it back in focus… Buzz lightyear is back in the house… guy that I’m to be working with on interacting peaceably… it’s a challenge… but I accept it and I’m looking forward to being able to work with him this week… intentional responses and interactions… I’m talking that real ‘agape’ type love… not the tink-tink kind… so Thank You God for renewing my mind and Spirit and helping me walk accordingly this week…

Lord You know my heart and where my head is, Thank You for helping me focus on You and only You, handing You all of my cares.

May 10, 2017

Letter to Pastor

Dear (Pastor Name Here)

My heart was overjoyed this past Sunday to receive communion and have the privilege of hearing the sermon the Lord place on your heart… Many years have passed and I determined to learn many lessons the ‘long and hard way’… but I am delighted to share with you the gratitude I have for that work which God began in me at ECPHC… and is perfecting, today… Thank You so much for every prayer, and every thought you’ve had toward the repentance God has granted me… I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ… Thank You for every kindness that was shown to me, and every example of God’s love that was extended to me… I’m not sure what tomorrow may bring… but I am confident of the Holy Spirit’s working in my heart and I hope daily toward the revelation of Christ. I live in Greenville, SC and I have a very exciting future ahead of me…

ECPHC will always be my home church and thoughts of your well-being and encouragement are with me regardless of where I am, where I find myself, or who I encounter.

God bless you, the entire (Surname) family, and the body of believers.

Thanks again,

Kernel

Note::::Letter written to the church of my adolescence after visiting over a weekend.

May 6, 2017

11:06pm

We’ve (family) sustained a steady rain for the past three hours… and we are all pretty whooped, now… but I’m not complaining… Dinner for Dad was awesome!!! Mom did one heck of a job getting everything prepared…

My brothers and I helped setup, and the youngest, and I cooked with my Dad’s mom (my Nana)… I cooked more chicken on the grill, today, than I’ve ever cooked at one time. Saw cousins today that I haven’t seen in years, literally… everyone who attended made a reflection or two in order to honor my dad. After opening the dinner with a prayer, and enjoying the powerpoint presentation mom created we fellowshipped with one another, exchanged numbers, ate cake, and food.

Today was one heck of a blessing… the best part was sharing some of what God’s done for me… with everyone in attendance… without restraint… I was a little nervous, but how could I allow the opportunity to slip past me… to be able to share my relationship with my family… Life gets better, Yo!!! Lay down your burdens… God sustains this family and everyone we meet… He is working in us… and I will keep Your word Lord… I will pursue righteousness… You know the hearts and needs of all the families we met today… thank You for keeping us, Father, receiving our praise, and hearing our prayers.

May 5, 2017

11:03pm

Just in the ‘nick-of-time’…we’ve just finished setting up for the “Big Dinner” tomorrow.

We’ve rode over to the nearest Waffle House where we’ve (self, mom, two of my brothers) (mom’s idea)… My brother– third from the top… just put that ole’ Fugees song on… (Killing Me Softly)… Promise you, the Waffle House was stupid dead before we come in, but even seems like the employees got a lil’ *head bob* going on now… God is far better to us than we will ever deserve…

It’s not bout’ any single one of us… and God is telling me, in all of this, that i’m not down here (Columbia) for me… I’m not even down here for them (family), as much as I’m down here for Him… Down here to ‘stand’… that’s it… not in a way where pressure builds or tensions increase… none of this is for what I’ve dreamed it up to ever be… but something altogether, enduring, and ultimately better…

00:22 am

Walked in house(brother’s room) just in time to see my brother (senior, state championship wrestler, choir-singing extraordinaire) fooling around with some ‘vapes'(vaporizers). I bust a u-turn and come to the living room (where I’ll be sleeping tonight…) that lil’ piece of unwarranted info. triggered a spring of emotions that…. it’s all I can do to just be sitting here and not responding to it in any manner… I can’t unknow the fact, but the immediate answer… I believe, has already been covered here, and that’s to ‘stand’… not to punch him in the forehead with the blunt end of my extra-large KJV Bible… but to trust God because He is and has always been He that is faithful… all-knowing, despite our flaws, He loves us… while we were yet sinners… Christ died for us… It is also His love and goodness that grants repentance… He did it for me, I trust His Spirit is working in the family as well.

May 2, 2017

9:28pm

Too–late,

grip loosening

encouragement

seeping through

weight increasing-

hanging over-shoulder-

giving in to negligence-

the time is spent

evidence in actions committed

how vivid the detail

unwavering

the scent that lingers

that welcomes any unsuspecting to trail

one walking

will continue

no never-mind of descent

esteeming the less respected

remembering their ascent.

One falling s’only focus

lies solely on

what lurks beneath..

no regard for where their going

nor the placement of their feet.

      Father, thank You for the breathe of life… thank You for helping me see clearly… thank You for blessing my placement here in the U.S. where we are privileged to be able to ‘shoot’ over to Jimmy Johns and nab one dollar subs… You’re worthy Lord… thank You for ordering our steps and the repairs You’ve performed in the relationships between myself and my dad.

May 1, 2017

7:59ish p.m.

Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus for another one… Another Day… Sitting back with my bros. watching the Hobbit… It’s been a few weeks since we’ve worked on any ‘electrical’ at the shop or abroad, but today we worked on installing lights… a light I have not yet installed… some other kind of LED lights… not quite installed the same as any LED lights I’ve installed previously… it was a blessing just the same. Spoke with bro… *Same momma daddy brother’s name here* … he sounded well… like he was having an excellent day… Dad’s B-day is tomorrow… man… 50 years. old–> he will be tomorrow… I wanna honor him in a grand way Saturday… and there’s a picture of what that looks like, but it’s supremely blurry… our relationship has never been what it is today… I’m incredibly grateful and I strive to exercise that gratitude daily… There’s to be a dinner Saturday night and I’ve set my mind o attend… still working that out, not in haste but not without care, either… it’s important that I attend that dinner… Much of the family will be in attendance… Thank You Lord for peace regarding the transportation details and blessing the family, Lord… letting everyone who is sposed’ to be there, be there… and covering my brother tonight… keeping him safe, and helping him make the right decisions, providing him with wisdom and understanding.