May 9, 2017

9:01pm

Home from visiting a church to hear a brother’s testimony… ‘pushing’ to write, right now, needing to grab something to eat… don’t wanna sacrifice quality for convenience, but that’s the way the ‘leaf descends’… sometimes… Seems very mundane some days (writing), and that’s when I have opportunity to step back and check my status… motives, and ‘all that’… the motive is to practice discipline and self-control… to hone consistency while being vocal concerning the regeneration of life in me…

After confessing and repenting (turning from sins), believing Christ died for me… my life has become new… fully restored and better than…

Despite any rain that may ‘pitter-pat’ against the glass… Christ died for my sins (the atonement), I’ve accepted Him who has become the advocate for me with the Father (Creator of all things). He’s delivered me from alcohol/substance abuse and grant me liberty, through the life of His Son. In Him I’ve discovered purpose, in Him I’ve discovered truth… my testimony is true… I was as a dead man… today, I live and breathe for the hope of His return… He will not tarry… the kingdom of God is at hand…

Lord, if but one would receive the words of this testimony… and hear ‘the call’ of Your voice… I ask in the name of Your son, Yeshua (Jesus, King of Israel), that You would grant them repentance. If but one would receive You, Father, then this will not have been in vain.

Jesus, You are the true Vine…

the Way, Truth, and the Life…

He, who removes our sins as far as the east is from the west.

Thank You for that true light–

Which lighteth the world.

May 8, 2017

9:31pm

Got through the day, Father, relatively ‘laxed’ day… Did some painting, got a review on my work ethic, leadership/communication skills. That was a blessing… I was really looking for the instructors to tear into me, (ruffle my feathers) but they were very supportive of the progress being made ‘here’… also, they let me know how they want to work with me and want me to not take on every responsibility, or feeling that I need to… they told me that they are resources I should utilize… Also discussed my status concerning some of my relationships with the guys… ‘my footing’… I guess, that’s a good way of putting it… I told them how I walked in on my younger brother this weekend fooling on a vaporizer and how God, in those moments, calmed me… and I chose the road of remaining available to my bro and not ‘losing it’ cause that woulda’ took the focus off my dad’s dinner, this past weekend. I also told my instructors that the ‘M.O.’ is to stand, fortify, stand, be fortified, and Stand… Unless God says, ‘for sure’, ‘through and through’, Do This…. then….. Yours truly stays put… remain vigilant, stand, endure, fortify, repeat…

Thank You Jesus!!! For making me usable and effective concerning the establishing of Your kingdom on earth.

May 7, 2017

5:32pm

Waiting on momma to come back from restroom… (we’re at the rest area.)

7:37pm

This morning I had the privilege to go to church with mom… Now, I’m home, (Greenville), the house is quiet, and I’ve resolved to write a letter to the church of my adolescence… and really take the time to clearly express the experience of what that was like; and how the God of my youth has truly been revealed in my life… How my eyes have been opened, how my heart has been softened in an ever-increasing manner… the way of the transgressor truly is hard… and I most certainly did not understand, at what, or why I did stumble… today, my head is clearing, today, the light shines brighter… the light not only is shining, but shining through… my heart is being ‘tugged’, not only to share Christ but even to write letters, postcards specifically… and the key to that is going to be to make them ‘things’ (stationery items) accessible…straight up… accessible, accessible, accessible… that’s so important! Just writing that gives me encouragement… Prolly’ spend the next few weeks developing the idea of accessibility through conscious thought… Mannn!! I’m digg’in what God’s doing. Thank You Lord… from:

Your son.

May 6, 2017

11:06pm

We’ve (family) sustained a steady rain for the past three hours… and we are all pretty whooped, now… but I’m not complaining… Dinner for Dad was awesome!!! Mom did one heck of a job getting everything prepared…

My brothers and I helped setup, and the youngest, and I cooked with my Dad’s mom (my Nana)… I cooked more chicken on the grill, today, than I’ve ever cooked at one time. Saw cousins today that I haven’t seen in years, literally… everyone who attended made a reflection or two in order to honor my dad. After opening the dinner with a prayer, and enjoying the powerpoint presentation mom created we fellowshipped with one another, exchanged numbers, ate cake, and food.

Today was one heck of a blessing… the best part was sharing some of what God’s done for me… with everyone in attendance… without restraint… I was a little nervous, but how could I allow the opportunity to slip past me… to be able to share my relationship with my family… Life gets better, Yo!!! Lay down your burdens… God sustains this family and everyone we meet… He is working in us… and I will keep Your word Lord… I will pursue righteousness… You know the hearts and needs of all the families we met today… thank You for keeping us, Father, receiving our praise, and hearing our prayers.

May 5, 2017

11:03pm

Just in the ‘nick-of-time’…we’ve just finished setting up for the “Big Dinner” tomorrow.

We’ve rode over to the nearest Waffle House where we’ve (self, mom, two of my brothers) (mom’s idea)… My brother– third from the top… just put that ole’ Fugees song on… (Killing Me Softly)… Promise you, the Waffle House was stupid dead before we come in, but even seems like the employees got a lil’ *head bob* going on now… God is far better to us than we will ever deserve…

It’s not bout’ any single one of us… and God is telling me, in all of this, that i’m not down here (Columbia) for me… I’m not even down here for them (family), as much as I’m down here for Him… Down here to ‘stand’… that’s it… not in a way where pressure builds or tensions increase… none of this is for what I’ve dreamed it up to ever be… but something altogether, enduring, and ultimately better…

00:22 am

Walked in house(brother’s room) just in time to see my brother (senior, state championship wrestler, choir-singing extraordinaire) fooling around with some ‘vapes'(vaporizers). I bust a u-turn and come to the living room (where I’ll be sleeping tonight…) that lil’ piece of unwarranted info. triggered a spring of emotions that…. it’s all I can do to just be sitting here and not responding to it in any manner… I can’t unknow the fact, but the immediate answer… I believe, has already been covered here, and that’s to ‘stand’… not to punch him in the forehead with the blunt end of my extra-large KJV Bible… but to trust God because He is and has always been He that is faithful… all-knowing, despite our flaws, He loves us… while we were yet sinners… Christ died for us… It is also His love and goodness that grants repentance… He did it for me, I trust His Spirit is working in the family as well.

May 4, 2017

6:26pm

You’ve been good to me Father… You’ve been so good, Lord… and You’re faithful Lord Jesus… You take thought of me and I don’t deserve that… not in the slightest… You know better than any,  Father… how I can get in to a mode of striving to Do and Do and Do to be ‘my perception’ of who You are… is this not WORSE than unbelief… May it not be said of me that I seek to ‘create’ You in ‘my image’… open rebuke is better than secret love… and You chasten those whom You Love…

Thank You for Your mercy God… but thank You for Your plans and not my plans… “Tell me when to go!! Jesus!!” I would that I do nothing outside of what is before me without Your ‘perfect’ nudge. Thank You for continuing to draw me to trust those nudges… Without You I can do nothing, Father. You are the Vine… not ‘a’ vine… or option… You are the Vine… and when I work contrary to You Father… that’s a ‘hang-over’ far worse than anything associated with alcohol/drugs… that shame and guilt… Thank You for courage Lord, and Your light… in the dark places… Help me stay low Father… I need You more… in all things… thank You for helping me to surrender every part of my life… thank You for a safe journey home(to parent’s house) this weekend.

May 3, 2017

8:32am

-Volunteer Activity this weekend.

3:53pm

Book: (Brainstorm) Professional Servant/Professional Laborer

-Pleasure is something totally different altogether than what it has perverted itself to being in my mind. God is the origin of true pleasures…and in order to receive that, I must acknowledge there is something seriously wrong with my pleasure gauge…. not that I’ve been a ‘freak on a leash’… God has granted me a degree of victory that trumps my desire to be immoral verbally, sexually, etc. I mean, wisdom and knowledge is pleasing and sweeter than it has ever been… yea, that may sound lame but it’s true, and I’m far from ashamed about that… but God is also revealing to me by Spirit that that’s far from ALL He was talking about, and if I will surrender that part of my mind that ‘trapdoors’ all that ‘icky-decrepit’ crap I’ve locked up over the years… that He will show me how to, and what we can do about those things; and not only will He remove each of those cancers, but He will replace that space with ‘LIFE’… a life-giving pleasure, rooted in praise and worship unlike I have ever known.

10:59pm

Funny thing about sin is…

ya’ think you know what it’s gonna cost…

We don’t.