October 7, 2017


Thank You, for bringing me home Lord. You tell me and show me what’s good for me… I don’t always listen, but you never leave me… You want what’s best for me… I’m hardheaded and hardhearted like I just must touch the stove sometimes… Don’t let me live as one storing up wrath, Father… or forget any bit of what’s past–> all that I’ve come through… that You’ve brought me through… thank You for good health… thank You for a heart change… and determination also, conviction–>> to live a life worth living. Your will be done, Father. Thank You for helping me forgive others and myself. Thank You for the beautiful people that are part of my life.


August 18, 2017


Family- all about-

feeding one another bread…

can not watch my brother starve

I won’t watch my brother starve…

but my heart broken-

ashes discarded-

my own steps-

overcast by shadows-

Lord, how Your name is hallowed…

but my will is hollow–

and sometimes live my life like it’s a BILO

and I call on Your name like a spill on an aisle

while my hands are idle…

scarcely will the man pick up a bible-

but speaks against the darkness like it’s also his rival

but stands wherever it’s dim lit-

when comes time to stand trial…

every trait acquired when he takes the bait-

becoming everything- he claims he hates…

where’s the light?

it’s quite far off from where it used to be… but not really

separated only by finger pointing

the guilt and shame

of every thing and action

sees exactly what happened

but dislocated more when he does


when he tries to…

Answer beside you-

never changed

it’s always been the same.

You’re not what you’ve been…

and just cause’ people call you by it…

doesn’t make it your name.

July 26, 2017


Brother, I want to help you. You see, God, He’s been so good to me. If you could see me today, you’d understand that I’ve been delivered… that, I’m all the way o.k… when I tell people, today, what was and who i used to be, they don’t believe it… but, believe me brother, as I am standing, as I am breathing… I tell you, there is indeed The God; not just a god… He is THE GOD!!! The creator of all things… and He does, does, does, love you dearly… He loves us… and yea, we’ve all got stories (so the common cliche’ goes) and I’ve not been there for your highlights or the lowest moments… but, I assure you that an ever-loving, ever-sovereign, ever-patient God was… Waiting for the ever-fated moment you’d ‘turn’ in your heart of hearts, from whatever design you’ve created for yourself, and seek that purpose for which you’ve been created.

God has life stored up for you unlike that you’ve ever-known… and I’m not selling anything my brothers (sisters)… this is no mere dream, or positive idea I’ve conjured up… Our Father who is in heaven sent His son to earth to die for you and I, that we may have life… not the temporal life which perishes, decays, and corrupts… but that eternal life with eternal riches of priceless value… rest and peace, clarity, fellowship, and oneness with the glory of God. We shall be like Him at His appearing. Amen. Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus.

June 30, 2017


We are home, and what can I say??? The ‘Green River’- located in Saluda, NC’s awesome… For real, I almost grabbed one of those souvenir hats out the shop where we got outfitted to hit the river… I’ve been on ‘docked’ sailboats, and a few canoes, paddleboats, and the like… but I’ve never been on the water like we were this morning… we were on the water by 8am… we were all nervous/ anxious with excitement… we were in some kind of leathery-rubber type kayaks/boats (individual boats….single-person boats) called, ‘duckies’… the experience was well worth the wait, and well worth the time spent getting out there… we spent close to two and a half hours bobbing on and off rocks, learning how to navigate our vessels, HA! The greatest of our drop-offs was between 15-20 ft… it was intense… All of us- minus one of our crew took a few spills, nonetheless, I felt all the more amphibious. ­čÖé

After being released from the ‘treacherous’ confines of the murky deep, we ‘braved’ a 7/10 mile trail to our ,waiting, transportation… interesting fact… before the start of our ‘Green River’ Adventure we prayed that the rain would hold off… (forecast was for 97% chance of rain), and it literally began raining within the 10 min. following our exiting┬áthe water and starting up the trail. Thank You Lord.

June 11, 2017


Short story… church was good… come home to run guys to Publix (Redbox return). We had a flat tire when we came out of church… my friend was a little angry… he’s had a lot of trouble with his Monterro since he’s bought it…

Update on what’s currently going on in this moment… I’m sitting at the conference table and one of my instructors is over here ( Not normal, it’s Sunday.) packing one of the guys up that lived here… he blew hot on a breathalyzer… multiple times… I sat and listened to this guy tell me so much good stuff… he was telling me bout’ his daughters, granddad, life, how much he appreciates me, how much good is going on for us… what he was saying, how he was saying it, and everything he was doing… led me to believe he was clearly not sober… As hard as it was to do… I had to bring this to the attention of my superiors… I told this man I want the best for him, and that’s all I could say… Instructor is trying to get him downstairs right now… it’s not a good time… and it’s convicting the hell out of me because I’ve definitely taken this place for granted… and that is the fruit of complacency… disqualification… Dude has to give up his bed, ‘this’ future, and the ‘order’ that he had in his life, and ‘hit the sidewalk’ with a bookbag and the weight of his bad decision.

June 6, 2017

7:52a.m. (a.m. devotion notes)

Death will be no more.

Sin will be no more.

“Vampire” Christianity–>> people only want God (Jesus) for His blood.

Are you saved and know that you are?

God is for us,

not against us.


“Shut up!!!” when the persecutions come. (Don’t be flippant….endure)

God is faithful, He will do it!

In Christ…

peace without anxiety

joy in spite of circumstances…

Abusive/oppressive parents??? (were they???)

*Don’t try to be a copy…

“You were born an original…”

“don’t die a copy…”

Kernel must die! ( John 12:24 )

*It’s not time to speak.

1 Corinthians– 2:9-10—->>Discerning of spiritual things.

The natural man can not perceive the wisdom of God.

mind of Christ (1 Corin. 2:16)

Are you natural?







June 5, 2017


Today is better…well… the day is the day… but through the embracing of those truths God has revealed to His children… the icky -decrepitness of sin is waning from my heart, my bones… I can’t earn my way to heaven, nor can any man/woman… it’s God’s goodness, His mercy, His love for us that has been imparted to us by His son… Thank You Jesus. You are showing me, teaching me, softening my heart, giving me a heart to know You… You know how I can tend to mistakenly get off track, monitoring the stats of everyone else’s salvation, sanctification, and get ‘strung out’… My relationship with You should be depicted in the cross by my being appropriated with You and Your promises (vertically) firstly… rather than those relationships with others (laterally/horizontally). I can’t properly lay down my life (outstretched) without that personal relationship with You.

The picture, in my mind, (of the process of growth I’ve been going through) has been one of a sword–>> glowing in oranges, yellows, reds… and the man working/forging the blade is about to cool the blade, but that is the part of the process my body is trying to reject… the most uncomfortable…

Lord, help me not fight the process… Everyone tells me I’m passionate about anything I do and that it can come off as aggression sometimes… I’m afraid that if I get still–> that the passion may dissipate… I see this now… Lord, make my passion a spiritual one… no longer carnal. It’s not occurred to me that there could be a passion that is not good… but I suppose there is a carnal passion… (duh)… That is probably closely identified with pride… Lord help me not operate in that wretched state of corruption… but in the Christlike passion of Your son… untainted, true, full of mercy, grace, and Love.


Bout’ to lay it down… should have been done reading this book… I’ve been a little all over the place, but after some reflection and some very much needed words of encouragement I’ve received through various sources, I’m feeling a whole lot better. (Various literature, counselors, worship, prayer) I really had to open up and allow myself to grab hold of any and every good word that I could… this kind of stretching, regrouping, and growing is all so very new to me… I spent so much of my life ‘checked out’ or walking away from my issues. Many times my initial response to my issues (even this past year) has been similar, but I’m learning to look to God… not just clicking into survival mode whenever I am faced with an issue… those with the hope of Christ are free to live their lives without the fear of death.