July 26, 2017

3:45pm

Brother, I want to help you. You see, God, He’s been so good to me. If you could see me today, you’d understand that I’ve been delivered… that, I’m all the way o.k… when I tell people, today, what was and who i used to be, they don’t believe it… but, believe me brother, as I am standing, as I am breathing… I tell you, there is indeed The God; not just a god… He is THE GOD!!! The creator of all things… and He does, does, does, love you dearly… He loves us… and yea, we’ve all got stories (so the common cliche’ goes) and I’ve not been there for your highlights or the lowest moments… but, I assure you that an ever-loving, ever-sovereign, ever-patient God was… Waiting for the ever-fated moment you’d ‘turn’ in your heart of hearts, from whatever design you’ve created for yourself, and seek that purpose for which you’ve been created.

God has life stored up for you unlike that you’ve ever-known… and I’m not selling anything my brothers (sisters)… this is no mere dream, or positive idea I’ve conjured up… Our Father who is in heaven sent His son to earth to die for you and I, that we may have life… not the temporal life which perishes, decays, and corrupts… but that eternal life with eternal riches of priceless value… rest and peace, clarity, fellowship, and oneness with the glory of God. We shall be like Him at His appearing. Amen. Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus.

June 30, 2017

2:59pm

We are home, and what can I say??? The ‘Green River’- located in Saluda, NC’s awesome… For real, I almost grabbed one of those souvenir hats out the shop where we got outfitted to hit the river… I’ve been on ‘docked’ sailboats, and a few canoes, paddleboats, and the like… but I’ve never been on the water like we were this morning… we were on the water by 8am… we were all nervous/ anxious with excitement… we were in some kind of leathery-rubber type kayaks/boats (individual boats….single-person boats) called, ‘duckies’… the experience was well worth the wait, and well worth the time spent getting out there… we spent close to two and a half hours bobbing on and off rocks, learning how to navigate our vessels, HA! The greatest of our drop-offs was between 15-20 ft… it was intense… All of us- minus one of our crew took a few spills, nonetheless, I felt all the more amphibious. šŸ™‚

After being released from the ‘treacherous’ confines of the murky deep, we ‘braved’ a 7/10 mile trail to our ,waiting, transportation… interesting fact… before the start of our ‘Green River’ Adventure we prayed that the rain would hold off… (forecast was for 97% chance of rain), and it literally began raining within the 10 min. following our exitingĀ the water and starting up the trail. Thank You Lord.

June 11, 2017

3:41pm

Short story… church was good… come home to run guys to Publix (Redbox return). We had a flat tire when we came out of church… my friend was a little angry… he’s had a lot of trouble with his Monterro since he’s bought it…

Update on what’s currently going on in this moment… I’m sitting at the conference table and one of my instructors is over here ( Not normal, it’s Sunday.) packing one of the guys up that lived here… he blew hot on a breathalyzer… multiple times… I sat and listened to this guy tell me so much good stuff… he was telling me bout’ his daughters, granddad, life, how much he appreciates me, how much good is going on for us… what he was saying, how he was saying it, and everything he was doing… led me to believe he was clearly not sober… As hard as it was to do… I had to bring this to the attention of my superiors… I told this man I want the best for him, and that’s all I could say… Instructor is trying to get him downstairs right now… it’s not a good time… and it’s convicting the hell out of me because I’ve definitely taken this place for granted… and that is the fruit of complacency… disqualification… Dude has to give up his bed, ‘this’ future, and the ‘order’ that he had in his life, and ‘hit the sidewalk’ with a bookbag and the weight of his bad decision.

June 6, 2017

7:52a.m. (a.m. devotion notes)

Death will be no more.

Sin will be no more.

“Vampire” Christianity–>> people only want God (Jesus) for His blood.

Are you saved and know that you are?

God is for us,

not against us.

Sometimes….

“Shut up!!!” when the persecutions come. (Don’t be flippant….endure)

God is faithful, He will do it!

In Christ…

peace without anxiety

joy in spite of circumstances…

Abusive/oppressive parents??? (were they???)

*Don’t try to be a copy…

“You were born an original…”

“don’t die a copy…”

Kernel must die! ( John 12:24 )

*It’s not time to speak.

1 Corinthians– 2:9-10—->>Discerning of spiritual things.

The natural man can not perceive the wisdom of God.

mind of Christ (1 Corin. 2:16)

Are you natural?

spiritual?

worldly?

 

 

 

 

June 5, 2017

10:59am

Today is better…well… the day is the day… but through the embracing of those truths God has revealed to His children… the icky -decrepitness of sin is waning from my heart, my bones… I can’t earn my way to heaven, nor can any man/woman… it’s God’s goodness, His mercy, His love for us that has been imparted to us by His son… Thank You Jesus. You are showing me, teaching me, softening my heart, giving me a heart to know You… You know how I can tend to mistakenly get off track, monitoring the stats of everyone else’s salvation, sanctification, and get ‘strung out’… My relationship with You should be depicted in the cross by my being appropriated with You and Your promises (vertically) firstly… rather than those relationships with others (laterally/horizontally). I can’t properly lay down my life (outstretched) without that personal relationship with You.

The picture, in my mind, (of the process of growth I’ve been going through) has been one of a sword–>> glowing in oranges, yellows, reds… and the man working/forging the blade is about to cool the blade, but that is the part of the process my body is trying to reject… the most uncomfortable…

Lord, help me not fight the process… Everyone tells me I’m passionate about anything I do and that it can come off as aggression sometimes… I’m afraid that if I get still–> that the passion may dissipate… I see this now… Lord, make my passion a spiritual one… no longer carnal. It’s not occurred to me that there could be a passion that is not good… but I suppose there is a carnal passion… (duh)… That is probably closely identified with pride… Lord help me not operate in that wretched state of corruption… but in the Christlike passion of Your son… untainted, true, full of mercy, grace, and Love.

9:45pm

Bout’ to lay it down… should have been done reading this book… I’ve been a little all over the place, but after some reflection and some very much needed words of encouragement I’ve received through various sources, I’m feeling a whole lot better. (Various literature, counselors, worship, prayer) I really had to open up and allow myself to grab hold of any and every good word that I could… this kind of stretching, regrouping, and growing is all so very new to me… I spent so much of my life ‘checked out’ or walking away from my issues. Many times my initial response to my issues (even this past year) has been similar, but I’m learning to look to God… not just clicking into survival mode whenever I am faced with an issue… those with the hope of Christ are free to live their lives without the fear of death.

 

June 4, 2017

1:40pm

Feeling likeĀ nothingĀ right now… like a damn turd… not ‘using’, not ‘drinking’, but I been standing outside of where I’m being called…. all kinda’ distractions, temptations, and BS… feel’in like there’s no one to talk to… outwardly, I look super-kosher… but there’s a funk going on all inside of me, and sin is just begetting more sin… pushing me towards “You can’t bro, just don’t care anymore, stop caring…” Ā šŸ˜¦

You see, there is no barometer and that is no good for me. It’s like, “bro, youĀ didĀ that…. so what the hell??” (said or did something that wasn’t expedient)

It’s stupid and I hate this feeling… so everything just seems like it stinks (around me)…Ā ThisĀ is all directly related to my neglecting to study… I just haven’t been focused as I could be… So, here I am, even now, when I nee to be praying and seeking repentance in my heart. Truly… even when all is well, (as it is now) (Yesterday) I straight up shoveled all this ‘other-liness’ into my head, spirit, etc. I don’t want to complain, but this is what it is “put up or shut up..” “Don’t talk bout’ it, be about it… When the spirit says go study, you go study…

Jesus, thank You for Your grace and mercy… please don’t give me over to myself. I hear You and seen what You said in John… that those who love You, will keep Your commandments. Help me love You and not live foolishly…

6-4-2017 continued

5:58pm

Breathe, brother, breathe…

“You’re out of breath from chasing the wind…”

Anyway that you turn-

an echo of concern…

raises alarm

alerting impending harm…

You are brilliant, you are great,

but vulnerable

Your spontaneity is refreshing as

your impulsiveness

is catastrophic

and frightening.

 

 

June 3, 2017

7:36am

Good morning lifeĀ and wisdom and knowledge and blessing. Feeling good bout’ the decision to stay home and reflect… woke up bout’ 5:30am for group (F3) and we had a super-chill morning. There ‘s something about waking up early to meet the sunrise. Literally starting the day off on the right foot…. the less trodden path… (majority of people are not dying to wake up and exercise…) I’m glad to have been scooped up by these guys (F3)… they are good support…

Haven’t made plans for the rest of the day… prolly’ spend most of it round’ the house… I have never had trouble keeping myself occupied… that’s one of the perks of having floundered into so many backgrounds, cliques, and social groups… I’ve picked up many hobbies and interests… many mediums by which to channel and express ‘what’s inside’… (Hobbies are great… but not without respect to priorities…)

One of my main objectives today will include personal time with the Lord and ‘keeping my hand back off the stove’… (temptation)… cultivating the trust of God in me… I know He is taking care of me and my relationships, andĀ still… I know what’s best…(picture that lol…<sarcasm> knowing what’s best for yourself… Ā  šŸ™‚ ) That’s the vicious cycle… and yet, it doesn’t have to be… I have to stop giving the enemy space to tell me I don’t know God’s will… God’s will is that I prosper… and continue on the path that He has set before me.

Restore my desire Father… help me stand… endure… keep going… embracing the truth and peace.