June 6, 2017

7:52a.m. (a.m. devotion notes)

Death will be no more.

Sin will be no more.

“Vampire” Christianity–>> people only want God (Jesus) for His blood.

Are you saved and know that you are?

God is for us,

not against us.


“Shut up!!!” when the persecutions come. (Don’t be flippant….endure)

God is faithful, He will do it!

In Christ…

peace without anxiety

joy in spite of circumstances…

Abusive/oppressive parents??? (were they???)

*Don’t try to be a copy…

“You were born an original…”

“don’t die a copy…”

Kernel must die! ( John 12:24 )

*It’s not time to speak.

1 Corinthians– 2:9-10—->>Discerning of spiritual things.

The natural man can not perceive the wisdom of God.

mind of Christ (1 Corin. 2:16)

Are you natural?







June 5, 2017


Today is better…well… the day is the day… but through the embracing of those truths God has revealed to His children… the icky -decrepitness of sin is waning from my heart, my bones… I can’t earn my way to heaven, nor can any man/woman… it’s God’s goodness, His mercy, His love for us that has been imparted to us by His son… Thank You Jesus. You are showing me, teaching me, softening my heart, giving me a heart to know You… You know how I can tend to mistakenly get off track, monitoring the stats of everyone else’s salvation, sanctification, and get ‘strung out’… My relationship with You should be depicted in the cross by my being appropriated with You and Your promises (vertically) firstly… rather than those relationships with others (laterally/horizontally). I can’t properly lay down my life (outstretched) without that personal relationship with You.

The picture, in my mind, (of the process of growth I’ve been going through) has been one of a sword–>> glowing in oranges, yellows, reds… and the man working/forging the blade is about to cool the blade, but that is the part of the process my body is trying to reject… the most uncomfortable…

Lord, help me not fight the process… Everyone tells me I’m passionate about anything I do and that it can come off as aggression sometimes… I’m afraid that if I get still–> that the passion may dissipate… I see this now… Lord, make my passion a spiritual one… no longer carnal. It’s not occurred to me that there could be a passion that is not good… but I suppose there is a carnal passion… (duh)… That is probably closely identified with pride… Lord help me not operate in that wretched state of corruption… but in the Christlike passion of Your son… untainted, true, full of mercy, grace, and Love.


Bout’ to lay it down… should have been done reading this book… I’ve been a little all over the place, but after some reflection and some very much needed words of encouragement I’ve received through various sources, I’m feeling a whole lot better. (Various literature, counselors, worship, prayer) I really had to open up and allow myself to grab hold of any and every good word that I could… this kind of stretching, regrouping, and growing is all so very new to me… I spent so much of my life ‘checked out’ or walking away from my issues. Many times my initial response to my issues (even this past year) has been similar, but I’m learning to look to God… not just clicking into survival mode whenever I am faced with an issue… those with the hope of Christ are free to live their lives without the fear of death.


June 4, 2017


Feeling like nothing right now… like a damn turd… not ‘using’, not ‘drinking’, but I been standing outside of where I’m being called…. all kinda’ distractions, temptations, and BS… feel’in like there’s no one to talk to… outwardly, I look super-kosher… but there’s a funk going on all inside of me, and sin is just begetting more sin… pushing me towards “You can’t bro, just don’t care anymore, stop caring…”  😦

You see, there is no barometer and that is no good for me. It’s like, “bro, you did that…. so what the hell??” (said or did something that wasn’t expedient)

It’s stupid and I hate this feeling… so everything just seems like it stinks (around me)… This is all directly related to my neglecting to study… I just haven’t been focused as I could be… So, here I am, even now, when I nee to be praying and seeking repentance in my heart. Truly… even when all is well, (as it is now) (Yesterday) I straight up shoveled all this ‘other-liness’ into my head, spirit, etc. I don’t want to complain, but this is what it is “put up or shut up..” “Don’t talk bout’ it, be about it… When the spirit says go study, you go study…

Jesus, thank You for Your grace and mercy… please don’t give me over to myself. I hear You and seen what You said in John… that those who love You, will keep Your commandments. Help me love You and not live foolishly…

6-4-2017 continued


Breathe, brother, breathe…

“You’re out of breath from chasing the wind…”

Anyway that you turn-

an echo of concern…

raises alarm

alerting impending harm…

You are brilliant, you are great,

but vulnerable

Your spontaneity is refreshing as

your impulsiveness

is catastrophic

and frightening.



June 3, 2017


Good morning life and wisdom and knowledge and blessing. Feeling good bout’ the decision to stay home and reflect… woke up bout’ 5:30am for group (F3) and we had a super-chill morning. There ‘s something about waking up early to meet the sunrise. Literally starting the day off on the right foot…. the less trodden path… (majority of people are not dying to wake up and exercise…) I’m glad to have been scooped up by these guys (F3)… they are good support…

Haven’t made plans for the rest of the day… prolly’ spend most of it round’ the house… I have never had trouble keeping myself occupied… that’s one of the perks of having floundered into so many backgrounds, cliques, and social groups… I’ve picked up many hobbies and interests… many mediums by which to channel and express ‘what’s inside’… (Hobbies are great… but not without respect to priorities…)

One of my main objectives today will include personal time with the Lord and ‘keeping my hand back off the stove’… (temptation)… cultivating the trust of God in me… I know He is taking care of me and my relationships, and still… I know what’s best…(picture that lol…<sarcasm> knowing what’s best for yourself…   🙂 ) That’s the vicious cycle… and yet, it doesn’t have to be… I have to stop giving the enemy space to tell me I don’t know God’s will… God’s will is that I prosper… and continue on the path that He has set before me.

Restore my desire Father… help me stand… endure… keep going… embracing the truth and peace.



May 27, 2017


It’s a beautiful Saturday morning, so you already know what time it is.
All my morning alarms were set for Monday thru Friday… fortunately ONE was set for today… the 5 am alarm. (Thank you Jesus) Which means the 4am didn’t hit, the 430 am didn’t hit, and the 530 would NEVER have gone off. At 5am when the music was playing instead of chasing the bliss that caressed the one side of my cheek I answered the call that said, “You can hit the light (lightswitch) and get a small read on (devotion) before workout @6am… so I reached down to the floor where my ‘Fat Max’ tape measure is, and used it to flip light switch… which is pretty customary when I have the privilege to get up gradually… On my night stand is where I keep Oswald Chambers… I ran over the passage multiple times and got up out of bed with the intent to L-I-V-E!!! with a welcoming attitude… invited the Spirit always, without ceasing to dwell within me.

6am, workout began, and we did what’s called a ‘Murph’, which is ‘a walk in the park…’ let me tell you… if you ever have a chance to “get on board” with some individuals doing “Murph’s”, you should DEFINITELY sign-up. 🙂   🙂   🙂

(300 squats, 200 merkins (push-ups), 100 pull-ups) (Running 🙂

Sunrise was beautiful and I’m blessed to have the opportunity to fellowship and stay fit with a group of guys who want to walk out life in a way that we might finish well.

May 20, 2017


Fresh out shower- cleaned up! Looking and smelling presentable… Had early morning workout… dude (leader of this morning’s *outfit*) got real creative… we had a ‘string of pearls’ workout… ran a few blocks– did some exercises– ran a few more blocks-0- and bang some more exercises… it wasn’t easy, but it’s always worth it… we had a good group this morning- there was 7 of us total (I and six other guys from all over the area)… You would think getting up on your day off, early, and going to work out would be incredibly difficult, apparently not, usually Friday nights I stay up until 11pm or so… and 5:30am I’m up and feeling motivated. Now, ask me to consistently get up at 5:30am and do my morning devotion (seeking God early)… It’s like my two anvils materialize, strapped to my ankles… I don’t want to move the slightest bit… it’s crazy to me. (Not so crazy when scripture is applied.) The flesh wars against the Spirit… is there anything in the design of this body that promotes my awaking early to seek God for the day (outside of the breathe of life that Christ gives us.) ??? But if I can remember to put in perspective- How worthy God is of praise and how undeserving I am. .. How grateful I ought to be to be drawing in air… *phew* and the benefits of rising up early (and the fact that I don’t). I feel like I’m just being plain disobedient… We’ve got all the blessing in the world but wanna sit back and soak up all the blessing, sometimes, rather than tell others where they, (the blessings), come from. Thank You Lord for Your faithfulness. After grabbing me some breakfast I’m thinking about walking down to Port City to grab a cup of coffee.

May 19, 2017


Another morning… my goodness… God forbid that feeling, where I’m waking up and saying, “It’s just anther morning…” It’s so much more… today is a blank page begging for content… so what am I gonna write… what will I stand for… outwardly I’m being the brother I should be… inwardly, I’m ticking toward a ‘sour milk’ state of being… (I’ve literally got a whole jug of milk in the fridge that hasn’t been touched, it expired the 15th…) that is even a testament against my actions… my lil’ jug of milk is hidden behind everything in the fridge…. My spirit isn’t souring, but I imagine quenching the Spirit by disobedience would produce some adversities in my relationship with Christ. My life has not been a complete act of lawlessness, but a deliberate shift of focus and *hot dang!* what the frigg’in deal dude??!!! (asking self)… You just gon’ do those things that are not expedient??? (question to self) I mean, “You just gonna walk the plank? You want to eat pavement?”…….Regroup lil’ brother–> Regroup… I need you, for real, to do what you know to do… and yea, thanks for the detours, but no thanks! Get back to your first love… flee evil, and cling to that which is good. You can’t love you and sin, lil’ brother… the wages of sin is death… by default, if you pursue sin, you are not loving yourself.

God, You are good… thank You for giving me a better life… cause’ I don’t deserve any of this.