May 1, 2017

7:59ish p.m.

Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus for another one… Another Day… Sitting back with my bros. watching the Hobbit… It’s been a few weeks since we’ve worked on any ‘electrical’ at the shop or abroad, but today we worked on installing lights… a light I have not yet installed… some other kind of LED lights… not quite installed the same as any LED lights I’ve installed previously… it was a blessing just the same. Spoke with bro… *Same momma daddy brother’s name here* … he sounded well… like he was having an excellent day… Dad’s B-day is tomorrow… man… 50 years. old–> he will be tomorrow… I wanna honor him in a grand way Saturday… and there’s a picture of what that looks like, but it’s supremely blurry… our relationship has never been what it is today… I’m incredibly grateful and I strive to exercise that gratitude daily… There’s to be a dinner Saturday night and I’ve set my mind o attend… still working that out, not in haste but not without care, either… it’s important that I attend that dinner… Much of the family will be in attendance… Thank You Lord for peace regarding the transportation details and blessing the family, Lord… letting everyone who is sposed’ to be there, be there… and covering my brother tonight… keeping him safe, and helping him make the right decisions, providing him with wisdom and understanding.

April 30, 2017

2:53pm

What’s done is done! Cleaned up the mess we’ve accumulated over the past few months in our ‘cleaning’ closet… it was a wreck.. it looks great now… dunno’ bout’ anyone else, but it was a huge relief for me…

Upon leaving the altar this morning, *Ms. name here* (the college/young adults Sunday school teacher) come to me, and said, “I really wanted to tell you… you know, you can pray for other people.” She was not sure if I ‘knew’ that, but she wanted me to feel encouraged to do so. I completely forgot to say anything to *mentor name here*, concerning this, when I got in the car… I wish I had… I’ll have to call him some time, in a lil’bit… or not… I dunno, my usual Sunday routine has been altered to some degree… tonight’s service at the O.C. was cancelled, but my housemates invited me to come to their church… I’ve got an hour to make a decision… may stay home to do a personal study. Got pop’s birthday coming up on Tuesday and my brother’s b-day is tomorrow… haven’t gotten them anything yet, but next Saturday is my dad’s dinner and I’ve gotta’ make some arrangements to get to Columbia… thinking that I’m gonna’ work those details out tomorrow.

11:34pm

I should definitely be sleeping… the guys and I just finished a movie… in my semi-lucid state I come back to my room, my work alarm is being set, and I’m recalling the countless numbers of people we run into on the way to wal-mart around 8pm… there was literally a woman trying to stop our van as we pulled out of our house… I could tell she had just finished smoking ‘dope’…w e get up to the corner store and there’s ‘live’ action… I’m talk’in ‘traffic’… and I don’t mean Hondas and Toyotas… I’m talking bout’ dopeboys and drug-users… ridiculous… on the way to wal-mart. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I seen three women prostituting… and all I could do was shake my head and pray… “I need Jesus”, “they need Jesus”, “We all need Jesus…”

Thank You Father for Your perfect plan, and delivering Your children from the darkness of this world.

April 23, 2017

3:40pm

    Holy art thou, O God, You are worthy of all praise. May I continue to seek You everyday of my life. Because it (Word of God) is GOOD. Remove that doubt (any doubt) that exalts itself in me. Sometimes my heart is heavy because I am, just, “unsure”… not of You, but in my actions, my thinking…etc. When this happens I retreat, Father, to Your Word or to an old way of thinking… the latter promotes a weight greater than I can bear…where I run the risk of complete destruction. Thank You Jesus for bringing my doubts to surface, preparing my heart, Father, toward You. The p.m. service is at 6/7 pm tonight… I’ll be leaving at 5:30pm… I’ve invited a few of the fellas, I’m not sure if anyone will attend… we will see… I’m excited for what I don’t know… anything can happen… Lord I don’t know what I will become of me, but I will be more like You. Thank You for peace. Jesus, mercy, and grace. Long Live the King! Thank You Heavenly Father.

April 21, 2017

8:09pm

     Tonight, it is I and the newest additions to the house… we are watching movies, eating burritos…Taking in the sights and sounds of the resources God has afforded us. This ain’t about us… Christ died, that we would be saved, at the instruction of the Father… the message doesn’t change… I owe You everything Father.

9:52pm

     Grace, mercy, hope, endure, joy, faith everlasting… Have mercy on us Father… keep us Father… we get distracted… I get distracted… but You love us Lord… I would not that I should be so easily deceived… mistakes are part of the journey Father, but thank You for keeping and guarding me from willful sin… I hate it, Lord.

     Remind me, in my stumbling, of my first love… drawing me out of disaster and destruction that I may keep the faith. Thank You Lord for covering my family, my brothers that live here, and leading me in life from vanity, the pride of life slothfulness…etc… helping me to abstain from all appearance of evil.

April 16, 2017

12:48pm

     Good afternoon…home from church… everything appeared to have gone well… the weather report is playing on my AM/FM radio… I’ve grown accustomed to listening to it in the past three days. My new bedroom is super quiet at night…

     I’ve also begun to leave my light on until my body is absolutely ‘whooped’ and ready to go to sleep… my belief is that the Father has led me to do as much… if I cut the light off my mind is more apt to roam, and detect remnants of various ramblings beyond these walls… from “the street”, to be more specific…

     Yes, I’m a new creature and Christ will allow no more of a burden than I can bare… but I’m far form exempt or immune from being tempted. Thank You Father for instilling it in me to be obedient… thank You for direction, favor, clarity, and lowliness of mind.. thank You for helping me not to be lifted up.

April 15, 2017

10:40pm

     Not going to sit down right now and talk about how my whole day has been about Jesus… Lord knows I’ve been on every mental excursion I could possibly be on, today… but in my heart, my mind, and soul I’ve noticed the ache in my heart that recognizes how infinitely short we fall in relation to Your worthiness, Father… Jesus You are wholly aware of each of my imperfections… You know the depth of wickedness that hides in our hearts and yet You love me in spite of all of it… You DIED to redeem us from death… You command every part of that wickedness to be used in a way that I grow, that nothing is overlooked or for waste…NO part of this earth or our hearts/souls was made as waste… Father You are perfect in Your wisdom and majesty… for tomorrow, which is officially the day we recognize as Your resurrection, the day some call easter, I pray that a new thing is done in our hearts, that many souls would be drawn to You, that the body of believers (especially myself) can set aside all distraction and devote myself to You, You are welcome Father… Thank You for teaching and helping me to worship in Spirit and truth…

Letter to Self (Relapse Prevention Exercise)

Letter to Self (personal example)

Kept in my wallet at all times… I read occasionally as a supplement of sorts. This letter was written as an exercise, in the first months of my journey to liberty in Christ.

Thank You Jesus for Your saving grace and restoration.

Kernel,

     First off–> Head up homie! I love you! I love you very much! I’m writing from “where you’ve been…” you and I both know how rough it has been getting to where we are today. Put all thoughts of ‘using’ away from you!!! at least  while you are reading this… whatever you are going through… mad, angry, sad… it’s not worth “YOU”,–> the real “YOU”. The you that you are right now while I’m writing this. The “YOU”  that you are in Christ. There’s no woman worth it, no amount of high worth it… TRIX are for kids and if you get high or drunk you are a sucker… want the finer things–> set your affection on things above… I  N-E-E-D YOU! Kyrell, Kendale, and Keldon, Mom, Dad, Kam’ron—- Call someone, go do something for someone, whatever you do–> don’t use–> don’t be an idiot–> don’t be deceived, the devil is a liar and the father of them. Cats have 9 lives–> you don’t–> how many more have to die before you see you’ve been spared??? God is going to hold you responsible… You have to “push through: or you’ll just be ‘playing’ yourself, and for that, there is no help. If you get high/drunk right now, whatever you have going on will get worse I promise you. Self-control Kernel–> I need you to play like a champ right now! Not like a rookie. Making this decision like a King and not a peasant. You are blessed and highly favored. If you aren’t home. Get home! Now! If you are home–> Pick up the phone and tell someone what is going on! Regret–>Death–> thoughts of resentment–>feelings of worthlessness–>like you are 2ft. tall–> that is NOT what you want! Shake it off! In the name of JESUS! I love you Kernel! I do for real! We make mistakes and certain things happen that we can’t control, but when you push through this I promise you will feel better and things will work out. They have to! All things work together for the good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 I’m soo DAMN PROUD OF YOU BRO! Shake it off!