August 15, 2017

11:59am

While stilling my thoughts, my heart, my breathing, and being into a state of receptiveness and awareness, the dishwasher’s low mechanical hum is the first detail of my surrounding environment my ears take hold of. An eyelash floats onto the page of which I’m writing, with rapid descent, and an inaudible thud. Outside, cars appear and disappear in the reflection of the building neighboring my house. My roommate’s Mustang pulls into the driveway and makes a loop around the parking lot… I don’t see him, but the sound of the car is unmistakeable… he makes his way up the stairs to the front door… upon entering the kitchen he says, ” after seeing them chairs [living room set-up for the graduation ceremony], I’m a little nervous. After, kind-of grinning to myself, I tell him it’s all gonna’ be okay… all the graduates will be giving a short speech of their accomplishments and ‘thank you’s’… peace, Lord, thank You for peace… thank You for my brothers and sisters, for this opportunity to go to the gym, here; in a few minutes. I’m not gonna lie, there’s something about ‘running’ (treadmill) and the ‘row’ machine’ that really helps me space out in a good way! HaHa! Thank You, Lord for the affection of things above… not of the things of the earth. (Colossians 3:2)

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August 1, 2017

9:08pm

Thank You Father, for a quiet house, a peaceful house… brothers are all getting ready for bed… though, we all have a lil’  bit of homework to do… I’ve not even gotten to dinner yet, but <shoulder shrug>, some people (many) won’t ever see a dinner tonight… thank You Lord for the privileges we have… thank You for life, Your mercy, and grace…

An individual at church asked me to check out some videos pertaining to the approaching- solar eclipse…not only is this a ‘once in a lifetime’ event….this (I’m told) eclipse will be best viewed from one place in the entire world— and that place is Greenville, SC. and this is where I call ‘home’… God couldn’t be more good to me… for real… I’m not bout’ to get off on how absolutely ungrateful I am or how much I fall short… Literally, maybe I’ve spent way too much time pondering that, than trusting God… I trust God, but I think I could trust Him way more… whatever word in greek or hebrew that means to trust, but also to trust in action/deed… that’s where I want to be.

Thank You, Lord for Your faithfulness.

July 31, 2017

4:06pm

Head knock’in like there is a small interstate being built on the left side of my face. Had a ‘filling’ done today in a dentist’ ‘mobile unit’… Laying down because I’m hoping to rest and feel better… and besides, some time to myself to reflect and seek God will do me a whole lot of good, I’m sure of it.

Today, I received some great news regarding the company I’ve considered joining… our director told me, ‘it’s pretty much a done deal.’ So, I’ll just have to go through the application process, and start work… our teacher at ‘Tech’ is really trying to expedite things in class as well, so ‘should start work very very soon. (Soon as class is finished with.)

Spent a little time acknowledging all the opportunities there are to do wrong and spoke up about it, and my director explained the verse pertaining to our weakness in relation to God’s strength… I’m taking all the advice I can because truth is, I know I need Jesus to work out my days, to set my paths straight… to guide me into all truth… I NEED Jesus.

July 27, 2017

4:50pm

Thank You Lord for the men and women at the Spinx (gas station), thank You for territory and the recognition, thereof… Thank You for helping me understand that no church is confined to it’s walls… thank You for granting me understanding with all the ‘getting’ of wisdom… accompanied by the desire to pursue you over any and everything. We’ve not been delivered to death but into ‘life’ with purpose and function and assignment.

Three days ago I picked up a newspaper, and decided to read it two days ago… there was an article where various pastors were questioned concerning whether or not they were worried about attendance and whether or not they’d sell their buildings as the surrounding areas were gentrifying… this was a particular concern for one pastor of an African American church who stated that there was a concern for their churches future because all the neighboring areas were becoming ‘condo-ous’.. and the tone of the whole article was relatively ominous… full of despair…  in my mind… I’m thinking ‘HOPE!!’ brother… hope!!! This is also bout’ the time I’m thinking, so…. without the building- do we quit worshiping??? or because a congregation is prominently white or black- you will refuse to attend it? Or, because you will only worship God in a particular way among others who worship the way you worship? If these are the cases, then is this worship? True worship??

Lord, thank You for showing me that as I breathe, Your spirit rest on me and in me… and that wherever I am there You are, and the living spirit of the church… not the spirit of doubt or fear.

 

July 24, 2017

Sidenotes:

Struggl’in with the same sins

like, hand back in the garbage can

reaching for a vine when I’m in the quicksand

but when I’m walk’in on da’ beach

I’m all bout’ mak’in up my own plans

energy depletin

losing my desire

for my life at all

cuz I got leaches tached’ to every vital organ

heart numb to instruction

property of the darkness governing

the air of the world the inhabitants

till’ Christ cracked the ‘ammonia’

under my nose

no longer froze in sin grip constrict’in

clarity com’in

the focus ensuing

the gospel renew’in

the path that’s been proven

the perfect lamb- walk’in- talk’in- and breath’in

beat’in down-

incarcerated- ridiculed

literally hated

for crimes not committed.

6:40a.m.

This morning, among other things, there are two things on my heart… the one is ‘It’s not all about me’… (though, I regularly fall into this delusion.) The second thought is ‘cancer’ is not not not winning! I wanted to shout this, during my morning (group) exercise… the guys in my group (don’t live with me) they had long faces and I felt sorrow over those who have passed, and are being hospitalized… chemos, dialysis, etc… and the familiar cloud, that I’m also ‘picking up on at my church; a cloud of sickness that comes with a sense of woe and seems like a submission of defeat, not a submission of a trust that brings life or joy… and Spirit inside me was saying, firmly, Chris is our King, our victory is Him, and cancer is not winning. Thank You Father, for promoting spiritually healthy thoughts, nourishing our spirits, and delivering us from hurt; within… we will be afflicted… but, it is ‘light’ it is temporal… help us not to question God in doubt… we will suffer persecutions, but it is working for us. Thank You Lord for taking thought of Your sins and daughters.

Closer to 9pm than 9:20pm:

We had a full day… wake up, F3, oil change, home, class, golf course (I’ve never been/ outside of times where I performed maintenance for the courses. Didn’t play today, I’m saving (can not afford golf to play golf, right now. But it was a good time nonetheless.)

We got home around 8pm, but I am worn ‘slap-out’ so it’s ‘pillow time’ Thank You Jesus for Your graciousness, liberty, deliverance, and working in the heart of my friend… (He relapsed a few months back, Lord… and so many shunned him and looked down their noses) Thank You for restoring him Lord and driving him to call me…and keeping him from giving up in pursuing You and drawing those to him who can actually walk with him and draw him out of the ‘cycle’ he’s triggered… Thank You for helping us all, renewing us, and giving us some momentum, Lord, thank You, I love You.

 

 

July 21, 2017

4:02pm

Off of work for the day… I’d have typically changed clothes by now, but I’ve decided to intentionally float a lil’ bit… I’m a lil’ bit of a ‘control freak’, sometimes… even setting aside time for daily entries… there are a handful of things that I appreciate the completion of, daily. Every once in a while, I’ll run into someone who is understanding of this kind of thinking… the activities are all part of a means of semi-accountability… were the deeds not accomplished I’d definitely be forced to do some kind of personal inventory.

9:29pm

The night has summed itself up well… we decided on tacos… threw in the money, made the journey to Wal-mart, ate, and are now winding down… I’ve made my way to room… thinking of the innumerable opportunities I’ve had in life, and how blessed I am to be here today… thinking about the siding we will be hanging tomorrow, our house is a little behind (progress-wise), the other house we are building next to it. (There are two homes being built…) God has been so good to us, and there is not one moment He doesn’t deserve our praise… God, if You can change my heart… and give me new life, then You can touch my brothers, if You can touch my brothers, You can touch my family, if You can touch my family and my house, You can touch the community… All this You have done… help me not to depart from that Love which is You, which is true.

June 22, 2017

6:26am

Thank You Jesus for helping me be safe in the workplace, today… also, helping me not to be shrewd of others, but understanding and compassionate…bold, but humble… thank You for helping me manage my emotions as a child of God and helping me take hold of every thought, that exalts itself against You, Lord… Your will be done.

4:30pm

At home now, preparing food…<foods done>… there was a fairly consistent drizzle all morning, and despite that we managed to get two houses framed up fairly well… with the assistance of a few volunteers… (group of individuals who volunteered from an organization sponsoring one of the houses.)

Upon leaving work we grabbed our checks and made our deposits… after coming home… I spent, literally, 30 mins. using this system that I was referred to, to memorize scripture… and, no joke, the system hasn’t failed me… I reckon, (haha!), you could memorize the whole ‘Good book’ using that system… (using a heavy- country- draw).

Now, that I’ve finished eating… I reckon, I’ll go wait on my brothers… to get home… we’ll go hit some balls or something… (HA! Picture that…) We’ll be working tomorrow, so, I’ll prolly’ actually try and lay it down at a reasonable time… (I NEVER DO…Ha!)

Thank You Jesus for bringing me home safe…and taking care of our ‘big ole’ heads’.