Thank You Jesus for helping me be safe in the workplace, today… also, helping me not to be shrewd of others, but understanding and compassionate…bold, but humble… thank You for helping me manage my emotions as a child of God and helping me take hold of every thought, that exalts itself against You, Lord… Your will be done.
At home now, preparing food…<foods done>… there was a fairly consistent drizzle all morning, and despite that we managed to get two houses framed up fairly well… with the assistance of a few volunteers… (group of individuals who volunteered from an organization sponsoring one of the houses.)
Upon leaving work we grabbed our checks and made our deposits… after coming home… I spent, literally, 30 mins. using this system that I was referred to, to memorize scripture… and, no joke, the system hasn’t failed me… I reckon, (haha!), you could memorize the whole ‘Good book’ using that system… (using a heavy- country- draw).
Now, that I’ve finished eating… I reckon, I’ll go wait on my brothers… to get home… we’ll go hit some balls or something… (HA! Picture that…) We’ll be working tomorrow, so, I’ll prolly’ actually try and lay it down at a reasonable time… (I NEVER DO…Ha!)
Thank You Jesus for bringing me home safe…and taking care of our ‘big ole’ heads’.
Friday night… class is over… we’re at the house… myself and Brother ‘A’… everyone else is going home for the weekend, so we’ll be ‘chillax’in’ … thinking about going to buy a little plant or something… (maybe carnivorous) maybe not… e.g. ‘venus fly’ or pepper plant, or something… dunno’ why… but I’m feeling good about it! <thumbs up> (There has been a few flies throughout the house>…
Dunno’ what we are going to do… but I know what we won’t be doing… we won’t be drinking, getting high, or looking for chicks to do the one-night thing… ‘Arghghgh!’ I hate the nature of that beast!!
Jesus, thank You for loving on us… showing us how to love You… we need You… I know that… and You’ve been good to me… undeniably. Help me trust You Father…
We’re bout to take a stroll up the street, see what’s happening downtown.
Back from downtown… it’s not like we bought anything… we all (excluding self who brought a drink) had a coffee (Bro who hasn’t gone home, yet, for Father’s day; Brother ‘A’, and self. ) We run into some of our counterparts… Bro J, Bro Co, Bro Jess… that was a blessing… Brother ‘A’ run into an old friend of his. She bout’ walked into traffic following us up the street to get our attention… It was a good outing. Thank You Lord for bringing us home safe.
This week is becoming an increasingly awkward one… and I wish sometimes maybe I could just stand up and pose like this is all figured out and I’ve got it figured out… but that’s just not the case…
I’ve got plenty of insecurities, plenty of anger, and the list goes on… I’m very needy… and everything else the world says I need not be; that I don’t appear weak… Life is about so much more. Is it not?
So in this malleable state… of transition… where I am regularly pulling up the muck that is in me… seems like that many more people are apt to point those things out… and it’s frustrating and I am having an increasingly difficult time sifting through self-imposed stress… it’s unnecessary to even get worked up concerning those things that have occurred this week… but it’s stuff to be worked through… ‘nerve-racking’, but this is my portion because the enemy is saying, ” you’re slipping,’ ‘someone’s trying to get the upperhand on you…’, and that’s bullcrap… he’s the only one trying to get the upperhand on me… truth be told… when we are without Christ… we are ‘buck-naked’, and the devil does as he will with us. God, stay our hands from wickedness.
So, I’m sitting here (meeting room table) and the lyrics “breathe, breathe in the air, don’t be afraid to care…” (Pink Floyd) come into my mind.
All week one of the themes/mottos I keep hearing coming from my mouth is that it’s easy to ‘not care’… ‘caring’ takes practice, attention, patience, revision, etc. ‘Caring’ takes process, guts, intention, etc. This train of thought led me to question what ‘care’ is, without Christ. Care without LOVE… and my immediate ‘brain-storming’/reflections perceived that when all is said and done ‘care’ without Christ may pacify or bring temporary resolution..(and possibly harm), but ultimately is limited/flawed in that it is fallible and can not exist or withstand any long-lasting conflict with the world without becoming one with it. Without the Spirit of God, love and care can also easily become self-serving, manipulative, and controlling. I’ve written all of this because there are so many imposters and so much to be distracted by. My bro is going to college soon, naturally I wanna see him ‘sky-rocket’ –>quickened by that wisdom that only comes with the teaching of the Holy Spirit, because even with the guidance of the Spirit, I myself am guilty of not always doing that which is expedient for me or in light of my relationship with Christ.
Lord, I thank You for bearing with us in our hard-headedness… leading us in righteousness–> softening our hearts to hear Your voice, and devote ourselves to You in obedience.
Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus for another one… Another Day… Sitting back with my bros. watching the Hobbit… It’s been a few weeks since we’ve worked on any ‘electrical’ at the shop or abroad, but today we worked on installing lights… a light I have not yet installed… some other kind of LED lights… not quite installed the same as any LED lights I’ve installed previously… it was a blessing just the same. Spoke with bro… *Same momma daddy brother’s name here* … he sounded well… like he was having an excellent day… Dad’s B-day is tomorrow… man… 50 years. old–> he will be tomorrow… I wanna honor him in a grand way Saturday… and there’s a picture of what that looks like, but it’s supremely blurry… our relationship has never been what it is today… I’m incredibly grateful and I strive to exercise that gratitude daily… There’s to be a dinner Saturday night and I’ve set my mind o attend… still working that out, not in haste but not without care, either… it’s important that I attend that dinner… Much of the family will be in attendance… Thank You Lord for peace regarding the transportation details and blessing the family, Lord… letting everyone who is sposed’ to be there, be there… and covering my brother tonight… keeping him safe, and helping him make the right decisions, providing him with wisdom and understanding.
What’s done is done! Cleaned up the mess we’ve accumulated over the past few months in our ‘cleaning’ closet… it was a wreck.. it looks great now… dunno’ bout’ anyone else, but it was a huge relief for me…
Upon leaving the altar this morning, *Ms. name here* (the college/young adults Sunday school teacher) come to me, and said, “I really wanted to tell you… you know, you can pray for other people.” She was not sure if I ‘knew’ that, but she wanted me to feel encouraged to do so. I completely forgot to say anything to *mentor name here*, concerning this, when I got in the car… I wish I had… I’ll have to call him some time, in a lil’bit… or not… I dunno, my usual Sunday routine has been altered to some degree… tonight’s service at the O.C. was cancelled, but my housemates invited me to come to their church… I’ve got an hour to make a decision… may stay home to do a personal study. Got pop’s birthday coming up on Tuesday and my brother’s b-day is tomorrow… haven’t gotten them anything yet, but next Saturday is my dad’s dinner and I’ve gotta’ make some arrangements to get to Columbia… thinking that I’m gonna’ work those details out tomorrow.
I should definitely be sleeping… the guys and I just finished a movie… in my semi-lucid state I come back to my room, my work alarm is being set, and I’m recalling the countless numbers of people we run into on the way to wal-mart around 8pm… there was literally a woman trying to stop our van as we pulled out of our house… I could tell she had just finished smoking ‘dope’…w e get up to the corner store and there’s ‘live’ action… I’m talk’in ‘traffic’… and I don’t mean Hondas and Toyotas… I’m talking bout’ dopeboys and drug-users… ridiculous… on the way to wal-mart. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I seen three women prostituting… and all I could do was shake my head and pray… “I need Jesus”, “they need Jesus”, “We all need Jesus…”
Thank You Father for Your perfect plan, and delivering Your children from the darkness of this world.
Holy art thou, O God, You are worthy of all praise. May I continue to seek You everyday of my life. Because it (Word of God) is GOOD. Remove that doubt (any doubt) that exalts itself in me. Sometimes my heart is heavy because I am, just, “unsure”… not of You, but in my actions, my thinking…etc. When this happens I retreat, Father, to Your Word or to an old way of thinking… the latter promotes a weight greater than I can bear…where I run the risk of complete destruction. Thank You Jesus for bringing my doubts to surface, preparing my heart, Father, toward You. The p.m. service is at 6/7 pm tonight… I’ll be leaving at 5:30pm… I’ve invited a few of the fellas, I’m not sure if anyone will attend… we will see… I’m excited for what I don’t know… anything can happen… Lord I don’t know what I will become of me, but I will be more like You. Thank You for peace. Jesus, mercy, and grace. Long Live the King! Thank You Heavenly Father.