Happy B-Day! Self! Officially 28 years old day… and that’s bout’ surreal to me as it was turning 25… There’s a pot of coffee brewing, I’m waiting on (Bob Mentor) to get here… we’re gon’ have a cup of coffee and ‘catch up’ a lil’ bit, talk about some scriptures… sing a few songs… (very much looking forward to this… thank You Jesus, for Your disciples.)
After the devotion time with Bob, someone was feeling ‘live’/festive, so they bought some chicken, etc. to throw on the grill so i’m stoked.’
Hey Sun!!! (aka – Big Ball of fire in the sky… You are probably one of the greatest exclamations of God’s glory (in plain sight) a testament of His might and power… It’s a privilege to exist alongside you… with the privilege to testify of His majesty… Our God is unlimited, He made you, and He made me, He made us… He gave you purpose, He also created me with purpose… By Him do we all consist… People talk about the sun burning out… they speak of the capacity of your doing harm to all of mankind or neglecting humanity… truth is- You are obedient to your master- and you will perform no such thing outside of your creator’s design… thank you for your testimony (sun)… you are finite, as am I (flesh), but praise be to God for that glory that has yet to be revealed in us. All that has sustained us and held us in the balance… Thank You Father for Your infinite glory… for everything that is working together… for us… for Your will… thank You for Your faithfulness… thank You Father for helping me live a life by Your grace and mercy to show myself approved.
It’s one o’clock in the morning… my night light is a hand crank am-fm radio, complete with flashlight… come upstairs to go to sleep… Before going to sleep, for the nth time I’ve thought about this, and I won’t put it aside, tonight… this is proof and the evidence… the Word says that a prudent wife cometh from the Lord, and my memory retires at any attempt to recall the number of times I’ve wondered what she’d be like… where she’d be from, what she’d sound like, what kind of interests would she have… Focus is important and God has given me that… Patience is important and God has given me that, and perspective… to understand that patience isn’t for me to “wait for her” so much as the patience is for me to be patient with my discipline, training, and instruction… when it’s time, it’ll be time… and we will know… thank You Jesus for fitting me as a capable man, son, brother, nephew, cousin, grandson, and husband. I trust You.
Today went extremely well… cookout, volleyball tournament, resist temptation (successfully), grocery shopping, back home, ‘peace’d up’ everything with parents, cooked (cheeseburgers), watch t.v./movie, bout’ to lay it down for tomorrow… another big day with ‘Mentor name here’ aka the Pilgrim… he runs like that all the time it would seem. City to town to state…. it’s an admirable ‘walk’, it is, and I’m not aiming to miss the mark, but to accomplish the Father’s will in my life, as well.
Thank you Jesus for keeping Your sons and daughter’s today… keeping our hearts and minds stayed on You…
Here we are…in the living room. The ‘Masters’ are on t.v., but I don’t watch gold so much… Never, actually… listening to my roommate tell me about an incident from the past concerning his grandfather and Alzheimer’s condition…
We’ve spent the evening fishing, I reached out to dad, mom called me… things are still developing themselves… God is working on my heart… I know that, for sure… and if everything was perfect everyday– then who needs heaven? ………nah…..(that ain’t right)…. seriously…. I know God hears me… my heart, my mind, my thoughts, my insecurities, my trials, and they are engineered to enable me to draw closer to God, for growth; and to be in God’s will and remain there… that’s my desire… that the road I’m on continues to work in this new manner that He designed, where even my setbacks are geared to propel me that much more toward the Kingdom. Life with Christ is the fulfillment of purpose… to praise Him, share the message… Praise God for instruction and discernment… also for the President, his counselors… May Your glory be revealed Lord, in this life unto the next.
Yea, I’m at the house… and it’s Tuesday… I could have gone to work, but I’ve got the ‘cough, sniff, sore throat’ thing going on… I still went to devotion this morning, and talked about how we speak things into our lives that manifest as part of our lives… which is just great… Because I remember when I first felt a lil’ something (runny nose, itchy throat) I said, “yea, I think I’m catching a lil’ something too…” when I should have been denouncing every bit of sickness that was attempting to manifest. So, yea’, I claimed the ‘sickness’ to some degree… I accepted it, so to speak.
So, I’m in the bed, listening to the words of Paul… from the book of Philippians… just, straight up resting… probably listen to Philippians back to back for a little bit and lie here, meditating on good things… on how good the Lord has been to me… and put these books on some kind of ‘spin cycle… sometimes I like to read a little of each book I’ve been wanting to read and just kinda’ let all the information seep to where it may… ‘something’ is bound to stick somewhere.
Class beginning in T-5 Minutes… (not sure what ‘t’ stands for)… myself and another pupil are discussing things we would like to review and learn… before arriving to class we stopped at a gas station, I was standing in line and noticed a girl –>> I couldn’t help but notice… she had some kind of condition– she was not eating… or something… her condition appeared severe… (Class Begins)
She was very slender– I left the store, got out of line and dipped to the van. So I am sitting in van when she comes out of store and gets in her car. I wasn’t going to say or do anything, but I did… I got out of van- went straight up to her window –> the window was down–>> and said to her that I loved her–>> twice I told her–>> then, I looked in her eyes–>> I told her Jesus loved her… I told her to have a good week… she kept saying– ‘thank you’–> I wasn’t and got back in van and felt some tears ‘swelling’ and I felt- not well– at all — worried that I didn’t say what I should of or that she would not receive it, or that she’d think a number of things that… basically, mixed emotions– the goal was to let her know she was loved… Before I told her I loved her- I also told her, ” I don’t know your situation and it’s none of my business, but I just ant to tell you I love you, I love you, and Jesus loves you, have a good week…” I don’t wanna keep playing it over, but that’s what happened… I’m going out with mentor-, so I’m definitely going to talk with him about it… (not a whole lot else going on tonight) Just relaxing, bout’ to hook some baked fish up and go watch a movie… spent the afternoon riding bikes downtown–> that was more than ‘alright’ –> it was peaceful yet active, beautiful and vibrant… just to say ‘Yo, we gonna go do this’… and go do it… to have that liberty… no cigarettes, no alcohol, no bull-crap… Just breathing in His presence in our lives… those meditations keep life worth living. His life makes life worth living.
Thank you Lord for restoration… thank you for Your plans for my life… I can not yet see afar, but I believe in it’s beauty… I believe in Your glory in my life… But, that belief in Your glory is set down occasionally that I may look back to get a piece of “what”??? I ask myself… can’t get ahead if I’m looking for that familiarity… in *ughblahkabbas~~~~* and other undecipherable exclamations… I want to want what You want Lord, but this thang got me stubborn like I need to be attached at the hip with what ‘was’ and is not… as usual this hip has got a woman attached to it, but that just it… she is not being a woman… IS NOT!… IS NOT… IS NOT— and as much as I’m devoting this time and attention to what I’m doing… to the life I’ve been called to… I mean… dang!!! I’m worth it! Yo! Self!! You are worth it! I need you to stay focused… I know you are somewhat fidgety at times, but I need you to stay put… and trust in the BOSS! He said He will keep you… He said to trust Him… lean on Him… I need you fully invested ‘Self’–> let’s get ‘all the way’ in… there is more… it does get better… Christ is King, and you are His Son by the blood of His Son… don’t doubt that… keep that… the Lord He is faithful.
*Wait on the Lord– by S.O.*
If you ever catch scent/trail/glimmer/trace of what it is you are wanting to say or express–>> do yourself a favor and ‘let it rip!’ –> write it down–> make the delivery– you can’t hold those things down… this is coming out because I was in this position around 4PM… I knew exactly what and how I wanted to say IT… and I procrastinated to scribble it down until my mind was occupied by some ‘otherness’ …
Watching ‘Rudy’ now… I never knew Rudy’s brother died… (I think it was his brother.) He’s bout’ to hop on a greyhound bus… (the main character)… bout’ to chase his dream.. I remember ‘setting out’ from home… and every bus ride… every ‘bump in the road’ –>> I’m not ignorant of one twist in the journey/road… seems like multiple lives sometimes… it’s not been any light task coming to where I am today… it hasn’t been a waste… my life is recovering value in Christ at an alarming rate… we all have heard the phrase that, ‘the future looks bright.’ This is true, but my present is yet brighter… knowing who is in control and having that relationship with God today that I never had in the past… I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I am grateful to have seen today with the Lord.