July 7, 2017

4:03pm

Good afternoon Lord… thank You for the day… Thank You for helping me make conscious and purpose-driven decisions today. It was humid and tempers were certainly tried, along with patience, but everyone come out of the heat unscathed.

8:28pm

The afternoon has been real relaxed. We did a devotion this afternoon discussing knowing our identities in Christ, trusting in God… and not combatting our fears by lashing out at people who trigger the fears… Received birthday cards from my grandparents. I haven’t been able to spend much time with them over the past few years; a few, being 15 or so years… stuff had been such a wreck in my life… and even when it wasn’t a ‘wreck’, per say, everything had to be absolutely perfect for me to come ‘home’— (to visit the family)… the need to get home seemed so heavy… as if that’d (making it back ‘home’ having achieved some kind of success) absolve me and all the time I’d spent away, but, no… I found out that home is where your heart is… and as long as I know Christ as my Lord and Savior… where I am is where I’m called to be… and when it’s time for me to be elsewhere, every provision will be made for me to be there.

July 6, 2017

7:21pm

Thank You Jesus, for warning signs, in Your word, examples in Your word… what have You not included in the gospel? What scenarios, what ignorance, what denial, what hard-headedness, stubbornness, pride, etc? (what has not been covered in the word?) Every walk of life has been covered in Your testaments to the people. Your word is perfect. You haven’t left us naked or alone.

Listening to:

‘I don’t want to go to Heaven if God is not there…” and that’s REAL… there is no heaven without God; noir is there any substantial kind of life here on earth…

So,  a lot of lil’ speedbumps I been hitting lately stemming from those skeletons that helped nourish fears in my life… speaking with one of my counselors the other day, we decided, well, she suggested, and I agreed that writing down these fears and coupling some truths with them is the best thing I can do to be proactive bout’ this… and honestly, it’s been on my heart to do the exercise for a good long while… but it gets put off, put off, put off… This list will include fears I’ve had and fears I have… thank You Lord for revealing the fears I protect and the truths I need to rid myself of them.

To name a few:

 

Fears—–Lies

no one cares about you

you might never be significant or you’re not significant

they ain’t gon like you (you don’t and won’t fit in)

misunderstood

misconceptions

lies-lies-slander!!!sabotage!

they don’t care about you, nothing, or nobody

situation is impossible…

being seen in the image of someone that blatantly doesn’t care about the word of gospel

being viewed as an unbeliever

July 5, 2017

9:25am

Waiting patiently for my monthly evaluation, to take place… I’m the last guy, aside from our newest addition. Pretty much waiting for the hammer to fall… I hate to say that, but this month has been very trying for me… but, it’s a great day, and I trust God to assist me in standing/sitting still and accepting correction.

9:02pm

Short day, good day, good class… great service… I was dragg’in a lil’ by service time…(Wednesday Night Service) just tired… tomorrow we will be working with volunteers… up early, but I’m actually learning to love those mornings… now that I think of it, my Opa (granddad-mom’s side)  made it a point to get up every morning 3am and go to work for over 20 years… working with the Postal service… He was a man people could count on… He was faithful and loyal to a fault… that’s pretty much how I frame all the men and women in my family… the greatest bits and pieces that I have of them from birth, …I’m making a conscious decision to hold fast to them/ to see the best in them… I suppose, the devil thinks he has a very strong chance at deceiving each of us into ignorance and separation from God (confusion amid family members)… but i’m not ignorant of his devices… s’why I must do all I can to stand- and after that- continue to stand. i am being trained up… I am a child of God. I am a child of light. I am a child of hope… and the captives will be liberated.

 

 

July 4, 2017

9:42pm

Thank You for liberty, Lord- thank You for life and waking me up this morning… F3 group was monumental..74 participants! It was awesome, we were all over downtown… A serious privilege, it was…

Sitting at kitchen table and having breakfast and coffee… praying the Lord help me to not take things overly serious as I should take my salvation… if I spent half the energy I spent trying not to be misunderstood or explaining my perspective, into my relationship with God… *phew*… might actually be working on something, then… straight up!!! Today, is a good day the Lord has made—thank You Jesus for helping me compliment the kingdom- not tear it down.

4:26pm

Few speed bumps, but all together it’s been relatively chill… at the house… guys are prepp’in dinner, and we’ll see what’s up after that. I’ma actually proceed on coast, for real, and that’s for everyone to know… I’ma focus on myself- which is what should be doing at all times, but it should be life in respect to Christ… and not toward everyone else… gee, that’s exhausting… cause’ everybody seems to have their opinion for how you should live life, or how they could live your life better for you… that really eats at me… but I am definitely seeking God’s help in re-configuring my thoughts and heart to live in some kind of practical peace in regard to this cyclical debacle.

10:45pm

Life doesn’t get easier,

we get stronger…

(quote a guy shouted out while we were working out (F3))

July 3, 2017

10:33am

Dentist appt. rescheduled… super-blessed. abundant-life, we’ve been hooked up with a day off recognizing the fourth… praise God for independence, but even more for Liberty God has given us…. Redeemed, we are, free indeed. The Lord ‘is’ that Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty… (2 Corin. 3:17)

There’s not much planned. HA! No one knew we’d be off all-day… so we’re all kinda’ basking in that right now… prolly’ check out some hotel prices for this weekend… (for family/loved ones) who can visit and we can spend some time together in G-ville… very much looking forward to it. Really, really looking forward to it… this weekend has been awesome!!! Life is good… thank You Jesus for every struggle and victory… thank You for life abundant…

Thinking about Canada’s independence and America’s independence prompted me to think of Mexico’s independence (recognized May 5, but historically Sept. 16) which prompted me to think of immigration and acceptance and improved relations and a conscious effort to learn Spanish and make a conscious effort to understand their culture and thinking, heritage, that a mutual (proactive) exchange can be cultivated, not silence; indifference, or fear… I’m just saying… I’ve never been offended or disrespected by anyone native to Mexico, it’d seem to me that Americans need to be responsible for the great changes we boast of performing in the rest of the world… rather than looking down Uncle Sam’s nose…

9:34pm

There are some falsities in my life… ideas that I accept as correct; manners, and ways of thinking that I believe are the answer… Lord, help me with these beliefs that are not pleasing in Your sight–> these ideas that are the shattered, distorted, remnants of what is true. Deliver me from the snare of the enemy and help me to keep away from every appearance of evil.

10:27pm

–I’m not my own, Father

–Thank You for not throwing me away… even when I wanted to throw myself out.

 

July 1, 2017

Today is July 1st, also known as the day of Canada’s Independence… ‘shout-out’ to my Canadian friend, (aka Bill Nye/ aka Tim Allen…  🙂 !!! today, being the 150th anniversary of all things Canadian!!!

Today was a full day… upon waking we, (self and roomies), went to play ball for a couple hours… came home, got clean, went downtown… called my ‘Goddaughter’ who I’m seeking to cultivate a relationship with… spoke with my cousin (Her mama)… came home, downloaded some music, made plans to stay after church tomorrow for a function (fun, food, softball, etc.) Looking forward to that, so, I really need to be going to sleep… Past two days have been great… but having fun can be exhausting… definitely going to need to rest some tomorrow evening.

Feeling relatively peaceful, it’s been nice to get out… God is good and His children are exceedingly blessed. Speaking of children, my brother/friend and his wife, delivered a baby about 2 hrs. ago… He sent me a pic of his wife and the baby and I was speechless, like, whoa! Cause, I spoke with him earlier today, and it is insane to know that God has blessed them with a living, breathing, little person… it’s unreal to say the least… Thank You Jesus for having blessed my brother and his wife… it truly is incredible to witness what you have accomplished in their lives. Thank You Lord Jesus for the futures prepared for us all.

June 29, 2017

8:17am

Week is ending, day is done… got my Little Caesar’s… bro and I are kinda’ watching a show about some guys tracking wolverines… tomorrow morning we will be hitting some kind of river… where we will be kayaking… I’ve never been kayaking… and it sounds very exciting… we will all be going… a time where we can all kinda’ unwind… and stretch out a lil’bit…

Had an appointment today to speak with one of my counselors (through an outside organization); to discuss my ‘lack of chill’… That appointment was put off and yet to be rescheduled… I called and spoke with my counselor, (to reschedule) but there were some other errands that needed to be run… so hopefully, next week I can have the appointment rescheduled… and I’m belittling the crap out of the issue… I was tied up with the worst knot in my chest and stomach around 11am… it’s stress… I’m sure of it.. the ‘movie’ is starting now… but , yea- I need to seek God and yea’, I need prayer, straight up.

11pm

Yes, I most probably-definitely should have been asleep by now… Now that I’ve made it to my room, I’m calming my mind and relaxing, setting alarms, and music for the a.m… Tomorrow is going to be incredibly interesting. Thank You Lord for a good time… and leading me to the ‘Chill’, Father.