July 24, 2017

Sidenotes:

Struggl’in with the same sins

like, hand back in the garbage can

reaching for a vine when I’m in the quicksand

but when I’m walk’in on da’ beach

I’m all bout’ mak’in up my own plans

energy depletin

losing my desire

for my life at all

cuz I got leaches tached’ to every vital organ

heart numb to instruction

property of the darkness governing

the air of the world the inhabitants

till’ Christ cracked the ‘ammonia’

under my nose

no longer froze in sin grip constrict’in

clarity com’in

the focus ensuing

the gospel renew’in

the path that’s been proven

the perfect lamb- walk’in- talk’in- and breath’in

beat’in down-

incarcerated- ridiculed

literally hated

for crimes not committed.

6:40a.m.

This morning, among other things, there are two things on my heart… the one is ‘It’s not all about me’… (though, I regularly fall into this delusion.) The second thought is ‘cancer’ is not not not winning! I wanted to shout this, during my morning (group) exercise… the guys in my group (don’t live with me) they had long faces and I felt sorrow over those who have passed, and are being hospitalized… chemos, dialysis, etc… and the familiar cloud, that I’m also ‘picking up on at my church; a cloud of sickness that comes with a sense of woe and seems like a submission of defeat, not a submission of a trust that brings life or joy… and Spirit inside me was saying, firmly, Chris is our King, our victory is Him, and cancer is not winning. Thank You Father, for promoting spiritually healthy thoughts, nourishing our spirits, and delivering us from hurt; within… we will be afflicted… but, it is ‘light’ it is temporal… help us not to question God in doubt… we will suffer persecutions, but it is working for us. Thank You Lord for taking thought of Your sins and daughters.

Closer to 9pm than 9:20pm:

We had a full day… wake up, F3, oil change, home, class, golf course (I’ve never been/ outside of times where I performed maintenance for the courses. Didn’t play today, I’m saving (can not afford golf to play golf, right now. But it was a good time nonetheless.)

We got home around 8pm, but I am worn ‘slap-out’ so it’s ‘pillow time’ Thank You Jesus for Your graciousness, liberty, deliverance, and working in the heart of my friend… (He relapsed a few months back, Lord… and so many shunned him and looked down their noses) Thank You for restoring him Lord and driving him to call me…and keeping him from giving up in pursuing You and drawing those to him who can actually walk with him and draw him out of the ‘cycle’ he’s triggered… Thank You for helping us all, renewing us, and giving us some momentum, Lord, thank You, I love You.

 

 

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May 13, 2017

11:29pm

-Keep inner vision clear.

-Don’t debate with God.

-Conscience- our ability to attach ourselves to the highest standard we know… that continually reminds me of what that standard demands.

-Conscience differs between people.

-God’s demands can be difficult, but they are to His son, in us… when we live a life submitted to God’s will, it gets easier.

8:30ish pm

—After the 6am work-out (F3)… I crashed like an ACME anvil… Ha! Boy… that ‘gig’ really took me out… so, shower, back to sleep, wake-up, devotion, breakfast, blog, invite to tennis (play with buds), started raining, we hit the Mighty Dollar–>> got a hat, come home, and did the ‘Mr. Potato’ the rest of the day (apart from trip to Wal-Mart), the ‘big score’ –> -Notebook -cream cheese — super large pizza – copy of ‘Lego Movie’… at Mighty Dollar I grabbed a Mama’s day balloon and an idea has shaped itself for a video I can send her tomorrow…

Dad and mom are sposed’ to be ou on a trip somewhere… don’t recall where they were going… mom woulda’ prolly’ told me, but she probably doesn’t know herself…

8:57pm

We’re watching UFC and the Stanley Cup… we have church in the morning… Need to pick out some clothes ‘for real for real’… it’s 9:08pm.

My bro just hit me, one of my older comrades… he called to see how I was, gave me some advice regarding ‘the house’… that advice was very much appreciated… by the mentality of ” Yo, I just wanna be successful…” living here would be gravy, a cinch, etc.… I’d have absolutely no regard for anyone else… I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… caring is hard… and it’s hardest when it feels like no one else does… BUT feelings are liars (AT BEST….they are indicators)… I think all my brothers care to some degree or another… I’m thankful to have this time to grow and be honed by the Spirit in me… with Gods assistance to hear His voice; the relationship He is guiding me into.