Wow! Suppose it doesn’t do much good to discuss the end of days (or the great tribulation; in light of the coming election.) right before going to sleep. I get wars, rumors of wars, “bread-lines”, executions, computer-chips, riots, —man! what is man… that thou art mindful of Him, Lord? I sin, I have been a sinner… I pray that I am to be fully transformed… Renew me daily Father, that the good work you have began in me will be made complete. Lord, I am not panicking– please Lord- continue to help me surrender my heart–“broken”- that I would stop “chasing my tail” and be lifted up in your name that I may do your will, and not my own… I want to help Lord. I have grieved the Lord on many occasions. Deliver me God– that I would no longer oppose myself. still working on the second volume of the “Holy Spirit” book. I love the book honestly. Thank you God for your perfect will and your perfect timing. I received 1 new book from one of my peer brothers. he gave it to me before it was time to lay down. I won’t be starting it tonight. It’s called Imaginations but I think I’m going to finish out tonight with the Bible.
am — SATURDAY
For the Record:
I L-O-V-E, “neat-blank spiraled paper” and clean, brand-new pens and pencils. The potential of what can be done with it… the not-knowing what can/will be done with that paper… it exhilarates me… I would, that all people of all ages be endowed with that kind of desire;(supposing they have a greater desire for God’s word… and relationship.) to record, express, inform, educate, and expand their minds in the conquest of forming sound/clear/precise thought.
It’s been said that “more money” is the cause of more problems, but, I think that rule more specifically suits those who love money… not that I received any money today or anything like that… I hate the fact that I want to get “messed up” in one way or another… very much sometimes, why in the hell would I want to do anything close to that? In light of all that has happened throughout my life… it doesn’t compute on any level… I hate fighting the desire- well I’m not fighting it… In reality the Holy Spirit is doing this for me but our relationship strains, (or the wickedness that exist on Earth) and I am stuck feeling like I need to give more to Jesus… I really need to let go, and I’m not…More sin does not increase unto godliness.
It’s late… and I put this off all day, but twas’ necessary/ considering all that I was involved in this afternoon. Did some exercising: including running, push-ups, crunches. Felt good to run, in the manner that I did… I haven’t run for exercise in I don’t know how long. After exercising there was dinner. Once we finished dinner there was chapel service. I took a shower and proceeded to chapel. Once done with chapel, (where a graduate come speak to us. We congratulated him on the job he was hired for today.) A few of the guys and I had it scheduled to meet up and put some music together; the whole thing with that has been, always remembering to put Christ first/ God first, God most certainly will not receive the worship we create during “that” fellowship (our instruments were constructed of whatever miscellaneous items we could acquire from the center’s toolshed….e.g. buckets, old wooden handles, assorted metal objects, etc…) if we do not issue it forth to Christ in Spirit and truth. After playing some music, I was saddened to learn that one of my brothers in Christ received bad new today, from his family… it was hard listening to him because I couldn’t find the words to say… so I determined not to say much. Myself and another guest did all we could to attempt and console him, and I think he understands he has to trust in God concerning the situation he has going on, it’s hard to change, but it’s possible! it’s harder to change during adversity, but God’s grace is sufficient for us.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you… that is the “M.O.”, (mission objective), loving my neighbor as myself… this is the task at hand, aside from loving myself… but the truth is I can’t love myself… at least not in the way necessary for me to continue to live unto eternal life… my heart is deceitful and tells me that I love myself and that I can change because i’m smart and I know better. I have a saviour by which I have been delivered from hell, but if I do not seek by the Holy Spirit (who, alone, know how to properly praise and worship Him who has redeemed the world, I can not grow in relationship with Christ and I cannot grow into a relationship of love with the creator, my words are vain, my thoughts vain, etc. If I do not learn to love Christ by His Spirit and seek Him out diligently–my life is vain.
*The Sanctification of the Spirit:
A person cannot expect salvation without regard to their spiritual condition. (They can, but it will be for nought.) It is impossible for me to live a holy life without a holy heart. The Holy Spirit puts to death our old lives and unites us to Jesus. My relationship through the Holy Spirit to Christ is progressive–>leading me from glory to glory…
Devotion: So That They May SEE:
Concerns incorporating Christ’s action and deeds in their salvation, without their lifestyle being affected. People believe Christ was divine so He alone can live the way He did; when in reality Christ set aside His heavenly powers and lived His life ministering through the Holy Spirit. Our actions should stem so much from Christ who is within us that the world will see us in that light. We must imitate Christ but through the Spirit. (Power of the Spirit).
Verse for the day: John 14:12
If I am to ask the Father of anything, christ you have assured me that you will do that thing which I have asked. What then shall I ask of you Lord? I know not what I should ask or what should benefit me in regard to the kingdom. I know not what would benefit my family or those around me. There is but one thing I should or could ask in your name that would/could not harm me, lead me astray or fail me; and that would be YOU Lord. Night and day my thoughts are plagued by evil. Past, present, and future. You are the Sovereign God and who can stand against you? I could ask for more of you, to help me with that which has already been instilled in me… but to what end??? I want to please you Lord and I believe I know what I must do…thank you for helping me do that.
I went to the place where I like to pray this morning. There was some noise from another room and it made it a little difficult to find a state of silence within myself. Once the surroundings made themselves so quiet I could hear a pin-drop, my inner-being/voices, my mind grew restless with thoughts of others from the past, certain relationships (not only intimate ones.) Just a large cluttering of craziness; I focused on centering, centering, centering… until finally I became “still” and could seek what God would have me pray for… I finally prayed that if there be any animosity, ill feelings,I harbor against anyone, I asked that the Lord would make these people known to me that I would be able to forgive them and myself; so the enemy or my mind will no longer be able to keep a wedge between God and I in my prayer life. I seek that the Holy Spirit will continue to assist and guide me in prayer.
Devotion: ‘Answering Prayer’
My book on devotion spoke of how we should come with open hands to Christ, that He can fill us with the “concerns of His heart”. (In regard to prayer.) In our a.m. chapel service we briefly reviewed Philippians 4:6 which reinforced the idea of praying for all things with thanksgiving, but in regard to the devotions I read this morning, I’ve come to understand that I need to seek the Father’s heart before searching my own… what I should pray for.
Devotion: god loves me and considers every aspect of my life, including, but not limited to the social and economic spheres of our lives… God IS NOT only concerned with our spiritual lives. Fragmentation, deprivation, and alienation are all states that Christians experience not only in the world, but also in our churches. The church can not only preach to the inner man, but in a manner that touches our whole life. (The whole man.)
Verse: 1 Thessalonians (reflections)
I am excited and anxiously, yet, patiently enduring the process of sanctification… this is a “must”, I know, but I also know that as the Holy Spirit continues to manifest itself within me and my old self is relieved of the hold it once had on me; the value I place on my salvation will continue to grow; not that I would place a price on it, but I will cherish it all the more.
All together, today went well… it was a very relaxed Memorial Day. We had some “game” tournaments, e.g., volleyball, foosball, etc. I took a handful of losses, and a handful of wins… it was fun… we ate a great breakfast, lunch, and dinner… we were truly blessed.