July 1, 2017

Today is July 1st, also known as the day of Canada’s Independence… ‘shout-out’ to my Canadian friend, (aka Bill Nye/ aka Tim Allen…  🙂 !!! today, being the 150th anniversary of all things Canadian!!!

Today was a full day… upon waking we, (self and roomies), went to play ball for a couple hours… came home, got clean, went downtown… called my ‘Goddaughter’ who I’m seeking to cultivate a relationship with… spoke with my cousin (Her mama)… came home, downloaded some music, made plans to stay after church tomorrow for a function (fun, food, softball, etc.) Looking forward to that, so, I really need to be going to sleep… Past two days have been great… but having fun can be exhausting… definitely going to need to rest some tomorrow evening.

Feeling relatively peaceful, it’s been nice to get out… God is good and His children are exceedingly blessed. Speaking of children, my brother/friend and his wife, delivered a baby about 2 hrs. ago… He sent me a pic of his wife and the baby and I was speechless, like, whoa! Cause, I spoke with him earlier today, and it is insane to know that God has blessed them with a living, breathing, little person… it’s unreal to say the least… Thank You Jesus for having blessed my brother and his wife… it truly is incredible to witness what you have accomplished in their lives. Thank You Lord Jesus for the futures prepared for us all.

June 30, 2017

2:59pm

We are home, and what can I say??? The ‘Green River’- located in Saluda, NC’s awesome… For real, I almost grabbed one of those souvenir hats out the shop where we got outfitted to hit the river… I’ve been on ‘docked’ sailboats, and a few canoes, paddleboats, and the like… but I’ve never been on the water like we were this morning… we were on the water by 8am… we were all nervous/ anxious with excitement… we were in some kind of leathery-rubber type kayaks/boats (individual boats….single-person boats) called, ‘duckies’… the experience was well worth the wait, and well worth the time spent getting out there… we spent close to two and a half hours bobbing on and off rocks, learning how to navigate our vessels, HA! The greatest of our drop-offs was between 15-20 ft… it was intense… All of us- minus one of our crew took a few spills, nonetheless, I felt all the more amphibious. 🙂

After being released from the ‘treacherous’ confines of the murky deep, we ‘braved’ a 7/10 mile trail to our ,waiting, transportation… interesting fact… before the start of our ‘Green River’ Adventure we prayed that the rain would hold off… (forecast was for 97% chance of rain), and it literally began raining within the 10 min. following our exiting the water and starting up the trail. Thank You Lord.

June 29, 2017

8:17am

Week is ending, day is done… got my Little Caesar’s… bro and I are kinda’ watching a show about some guys tracking wolverines… tomorrow morning we will be hitting some kind of river… where we will be kayaking… I’ve never been kayaking… and it sounds very exciting… we will all be going… a time where we can all kinda’ unwind… and stretch out a lil’bit…

Had an appointment today to speak with one of my counselors (through an outside organization); to discuss my ‘lack of chill’… That appointment was put off and yet to be rescheduled… I called and spoke with my counselor, (to reschedule) but there were some other errands that needed to be run… so hopefully, next week I can have the appointment rescheduled… and I’m belittling the crap out of the issue… I was tied up with the worst knot in my chest and stomach around 11am… it’s stress… I’m sure of it.. the ‘movie’ is starting now… but , yea- I need to seek God and yea’, I need prayer, straight up.

11pm

Yes, I most probably-definitely should have been asleep by now… Now that I’ve made it to my room, I’m calming my mind and relaxing, setting alarms, and music for the a.m… Tomorrow is going to be incredibly interesting. Thank You Lord for a good time… and leading me to the ‘Chill’, Father.

June 28, 2017

4:40ish P.m.

Shout Out! J.E. I love You Bro…aka Bopete.  I’ll see you in a little while… God bless Your family.. Thank You Jesus for peace in the hearts of all friends and family… thank You for giving us beauty for ashes Lord! You are and forever will be worthy of praise. Thank You for new life in the hearts of Your believers… Thank You for encouraging the heart of all younger brothers Lord… increasing their courage… and the lives You have set for them… 4:45pm

We are heading to church in about an hour and a half… class went well… the hour we spent in the shop was a ‘trying’ one… dunno’ why… things just ran the way they did… some kind of communication misfire… I dunno’… I was more than glad to get out of there, today, though… Tech classes were good… teacher was able to explain to us more about some of the companies in the area that are recruiting reliable workers… pretty stoked about that, I am… if I can manage to find some ‘chill’ I think I’ll be fine… hehehe… I’m still in pursuit of the ‘chill’… Throughout the week, thus far, I’ve accrued a lil’ bit of insight… looking forward to this weekend…. the house’s White Water Escapade we’ll be taking part in…

June 27, 2017

7:03am

Thank You Jesus for the ‘rest’ You’ve granted me… a night of peaceful thought and restoration… Somewhere in a dream, I think mom and I were debating some point or another… *sheesh*–> but I’ve been well rested. Hallelujah!

Dunno’ if I’ve discussed this yet but it’s become exceedingly evident that I’ve got NO ‘CHILL’… not in the sense of being cool, but the ability to ‘relax gainfully’… at least that’s my personal definition… and this will be my target goal for the week… to gain some insight as to how to ‘relax gainfully’ (chill)… somewhere inside of me has been placed a firmly rooted seed of fear, that I rebuke in the name of Jesus, but I do firmly believe that it is the fear that time will be lost and that something will be missed or that something will not be accomplished… I’m not even necessarily trying to escape ‘it’ or ‘put a finger on it’… but I do wanna grow through it. Devotion is to begin shortly… so a review of last weeks studies are in order… Till’ later.. here’s to (glass clink) ‘Relaxing gainfully’.

3:54pm

(Home from work)(Personal Time with the Father)

Thank You Jesus for this process of becoming. 

10:46pm

Yo! I refuse to live in the fear of failing… *psshhh… My God’s arms are wide open…and yea, I fall short, everyday… but this bout’ more than just staying positive… there’s plenty people doing what they can to stay positive, but if that house is built on anything other than truth… then that house is temporary…and yea, my ‘houses’ been shook regularly to help me grasp this, and even today-, I’m understanding that, that’s what’s going to happen- the fears gotta’ be dispelled, the storms are coming, but NO MATTER… it’s for my good… Mold me, shape me, break me, recreate me, raise me… and whatever it takes… thank You for renewed faith and Spirit- taking any fears and help me see’em, and through’em… cause’ that’s all they are and they didn’t come from You… help me to recognize the good thing and desire that far above the wickedness… Help me remain driven, Father… bless my families, friends, and all I meet… and guard my heart against offense Lord… Watch over my enemies Father and if it be pleasing to You, grant them repentance.

June 26, 2017

9:40pm

Not my will… Lord Jesus, but Yours… be done… I’m glad i’m not in charge… cause’ You are the only one who can decree a righteous judgement… my own soul is not even within my grasp apart from You, Jesus…

Thank You for Your teachings, Lord… for helping me feel welcome despite all my shortcomings… and strengthening my faith by each of my weaknesses… I regularly fall short, but You’ve helped me understand it is not that I may be destroyed, but for my good…

Waiting on one of the bros. to come home from work… I’ve been instructed to give him a drug test and brealyzer… all dude had to do was call someone and let them know he’d be late… or that he was going to be working a double or something, but he hasn’t said anything to anyone… It’s really frustrating and I’ve addressed with the other guys how I was feeling, but they’re telling me… I don’t have to feel frustrated… it just irks me that the man I’m speaking of, has continually expressed in his actions that he just doesn’t care… (at least it comes off that way) and , yea, it bugs me…

Now, I’m being instructed not to let the man in the house without him speaking with the director… so, that’s what I’m gon’ be doing; sitting up, and being patient and waiting on my brother who I’ve lived with for about 7 months and known for over 12 months to ascertain whether or not the man is going to be allowed to continue living here… to find out what the deal is…

10:29pm

Just received a call from director… all is well and I can go to sleep… the guy was indeed still at work and he is on the way home now…

Praise God, thank You Jesus… for getting him here safe… and helping me to put my eyes on You and bringing priority back into focus. Form a sound perspective in me Lord.

June 25, 2017

Church of One

Hallelujah! Praise God!

I will lift my hands high,

I will clap like lightning,

I will stomp like thunder–

and rejoice like the rain

that has been long awaited-

without shame and without distraction

unlimited and steady

in my uneasy discoverings of Your righteousness

and glories…

For You came to save the sinner-

the heartbroken-

the needy…

Not the perfect

not the rich

or those given to philosophies

or false ideologies…

The message is for all

but all will not receive it.

This is no secret…

but if you’ve spent long nights in the desolate places

if you are not accepted-

if you have done the untold horrors-

if you have thoughts that you are afraid to share with anyone…

if you can’t stop…

if you’re dying by your own hands-

if you are bring death to your community or perpetuating the same

if you want to care but think it’s harder than not

if you are ‘ever-wanting’ and cannot cease wandering

if you are driven of passions that are inconclusive

but feel better than nothing at all…

if you are drowning in a tangible quilt of darkness and are breathing through a straw-

if you are waiting for the next set of evils to befall you…

If you have no feeling at all and have made it a truth in your mind that your situation is impossible and there is no place to pick up from, and everything is ruined…

The TRUTH

is that

there is restoration

there is a Rock to stand on

there is hope

there is a cup of plenty

a rich thereafter

there is deliverance

there is a better life

a better way

there is strength for feeble bones

there is meat for the hungry soul that shall never perish

there is that drink that quenches the eternal longings of those lost in a thick wood…

there is direction for the wayward—

light in the midst of the torrential wind.