June 1, 2017

7:28pm

Better now, but I was hurt’in earlier… Just tired of everything… … Altogether, beat… and ‘on edge’… Really wanted to say to hell with everything- going on where I’m at… but that’s ‘feelings’… Feelings are not not not to be lived by… there’d be countless flipped tables behind me, were that the case… Leaving the house would equate to leaving God’s will deliberately… leaving hasn’t been an option and it’s not an option… it hasn’t been– nor will it be… Were that the case (separation with house) I’d work from that point….. being that it is not the case, I told myself to get the ‘hell’ out the house… when two of my bros decided to make a trip up the road (into the city) I ‘dipped out’ –> ‘dipped out’ hard too, and that did me some good… Telling myself to let go let go let go let go let go, breathe!!! Nothing going on in this house should even have me ‘pulled taut’ in such a manner… but I’m far from perfect….

Lord help me stop- feeding the wrong dog… You see me better than I do… and I’ve made compromises… help me believe in Your work in me… help my unbelief Jesus… cause’ it won’t take much for me react marginally in response to someone’s ignorance. (and that ain’t right… <shaking head>)

I need YOU, Lord… <shaking head while smiling> I need You…

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