May 22, 2017

4:05pm

Fresh notebook status… (2nd page of new notebook)–Rarely do I write on the first page… (I’ve grown accustomed to that first page, of any notebook… getting mysteriously ripped out. :/ )

In my bedroom sitting on a ‘foot x foot’ box/crate that I made at work… (reminds me of Donkey Kong…ha!)

Woke up this morning about 6:47am… also with the intentions to fast… being that I’ve felt so led… because I’m tired of some of those struggles I’ve been trying to thwart, single-handedly, those fleshly desires, that arise more, now… than they have in a while… not as a direct result of anything I’ve done, but in some cases, I did not help either…

Nonetheless, from square one, out the bed I got up later than I had been determined I would, last night… After heading to kitchen, it seemed, instance after instance, that the day was just going to go left… as the day continued I prayed, worked, and ‘got low’, meditating on the desire of being on with the Lord… (as Jesus prayed, John 17)… and maturing inf aith, hope, and charity… I’m not sure of every aspect of where I am being led… actually I know very little… but I believe that where I am being led calls for another kind of yielding to the Holy Spirit… Throughout the day, there have been minor urges to go eat, bu that is redirected to what/why I have made this commitment today… the desire of a more intimate relationship with God… and victory in various areas of my life where I am not doing great… where I am struggling.

God has strongly impressed on me that some of the disconnect has not come solely out of things that I am not doing… but in those things that I am… by trying to force growth… I can promote and encourage growth but it is the Holy Spirit who makes things known to us… and helps us to apply that knowledge in a practical way that begets growth in the lives of others. The rest of the evening… I will mostly be reading, and meditating… most likely not a whole lot of venturing all over the house… this time is precious to me… I’ve gotta’ make a run with some of the guys to wal-mart, but when I come back, I’ll be back in my room seeking direction. Thank You Father, for liberty, and family, Your grace, and mercy.

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