May 18, 2017

4:26pm

I’m weak… (spiritually)… s’why I’m in my room right now seeking those answers that come only with silence and peace without distraction… intentional ‘speed-bump’… Without a doubt there is a disconnect of sorts… not in the way that; (intense 10 min. combat with maniac fly… 4 swings, TKO on the fourth…)

Some people need something to be going ‘left’ in order for them to function. I know something is ‘misfiring’ under the hood because of the fruit… or lack thereof… because of the change I’ve noticed (thank You Holy Spirit) due to changes in appetite (increase), communication, having a degree of acceptance for that which is secular… more of a passivity toward those things that don’t agree with my Spirit… Oswald says to keep my relationship right with Christ by keeping Him center focus. Also God is telling me that where my head and heart are, is not ‘It’. That my contentment can not be balanced with where others are in their walk… where God is calling me is where He is calling me… and He is moving me into something else, which is kinda’ amazing to know… but it’s not free either… there will be distinctions, everybody (including self) don’t get it, but God’s tuning me to hear His voice… and what I’m hearing that “Call”–“the Call”… but I can’t take that up… living, acting, doing whatever I want… It’s not me doing anything spectacular either… it’s standing and accepting the ‘call’ to service… All them times I said, “God use me…”, etc. etc. etc. Does one really know what they are asking for??? (I ask myself…) The call is to service… and that’s what it’s going to be… thank You Lord for choosing me.

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