May 16, 2017

6:45am

How would she view me, naked? (Thoughts upon leaving shower).

I’ve got a ‘trainer’ friend (fitness) and he told me, once, “most people who come to me, want to be healthy and basically feel good about themselves without any clothes on…

I’ve NEVER really thought about that, but when I say she, I mean her (who was) when I say me, I mean me, healthy. Who does a, b, and c to keep some kind of healthy build, and today I feel very good about myself… (physically)…Spiritually I’ve got to ‘reel it in’… this is the collateral damage of having a harmless conversation with ‘her’… I’d like to think that everyone at some point in time has or will have a him/her, for those times when we ponder previous relationships… she is mine… without a doubt… but but but, you see I’m at that quote-unquote- ‘critical-critical’, make or break time in life where a young man/woman has to focus on what’s what… not on loddy doddy’s, sweet-nothings, and day dreams… can’t be trying to work out anyone else’s salvation. It hurts kinda’, but I’m responsible for that hurt.

Thank You Lord for helping me to focus on You; for helping me capture my thoughts, for delivering me from any snare… helping me to intentionally and consciously focus on You and the relationships right here in front of me that need work… I know where You are, she will be. Thank You for molding me and helping me to focus on today… and Your will for my life.

9:23pm

Father, You see the cloud and You know exactly what it is… I’m describing it as a cloud cause’ it literally blew in while I was ‘camped out’ at the computer… the whispers of ‘dude, where are you at???’, ‘what are you doing here?’, ‘You ain’t doing nothing’, ‘ when are you going to drop charade… you know you want to just do what you want..’

That was the straight up voice of ‘doubt’, I’m sure of it… and it wasn’t a loud-condemning thought… it was semi-comforting; the tone of it… saying, ‘you don’t have to keep ‘this’ up…’ Needless to say, I half-way shook my head, and began searching out where the thoughts may have come from, and there doesn’t have to be a ‘for sure’ origin, but after doing a mental/spiritual inventory… I perceive that I’m carnally fat… not cause I’ve just been wallowing in sin, but by muck of just everyday living… I’ve been repentant but I’ve been consistently sleeping more, eating more, and altogether; I’ve been spiritually lazy… God has been calling me out of it… but day after day I’ve devoted my time to any number of distractions… or interests that are so totally irrelevant to what I’m doing and where I am doing it. (discipleship@HOH). Get real BRO!! (to self)… We are doing this to run long-distance… not for a ‘chip’… (recovery tag/etc.).. but to carry the truth… to give God glory.. obedience is key… and God’s not going to make me do anything… awareness is important… thank You Holy Spirit for keeping me attentive… helping me to stand, and not get discouraged.

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Author: clhemingwayii

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! Isaiah 52:7(KJV)

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