May 11, 2017

7:01pm

My desire is that I know know know know what to do… that I am equipped to face the spiritual challenges facing me… in the form of some of the guys living at the house… the issue keeps resurfacing over and over again, simply that “there is an issue..” Continually I find that I am saying to myself, ” I don’t have a problem with him…”, that maybe my biggest issue with him is that he is incredibly self-defeating, that he doesn’t believe in himself, and that he seems to have an issue with everything I do…

There is no excuse for me losing my cool… I’m “with that”, and accept that, but the guy cops out to everything in the book for why he does what he does…

example: “maybe I’m (talking about himself) jealous”, or “something in my past– blah-blah-blah”…

*It’s running out….for real.. (patience) but I know I’m renewed for real.     :/

I’ve got my reading to do tonight… and I don’t wanna hurt… and I don’t want no one else to be hurt… Just want to shout “dude, you are tripping over wwwhhhhaaatttt???!!!!”

7:50pm

Stepped over to kitchen to get some food, I’m ‘ill’ with the dysfunction of the whole status of that relationship, and yes, I still have a very large reservation to be violent… Lord,        –>help me stand–> it’s uncomfortable, but I’m not fearful… these lil “headbutts” create a headache, but I know You are greater than the circumstances, and You will guide me in this. I know You can break the garbage away in our hearts, but I’m trying to ‘let go’ and know you will get rid of it in his, as much as You will for mine… help me let go.

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