April 13, 2017

7:09pm

     For at least three months (past), very rarely have I consciously made time to sit and write, leisurely… I’m cramm’in to take up space on the page… there’s a one page minimum rule I abide by…(self-imposed)… this particular evening, the guys and I have ventured to the river… some guys are fishing off an abandoned bridge, a few of the guys are out in the other direction fishing farther upstream. When I began writing in this journal which has now become ‘these’ journals… I had not an iota of sense of where I was, who I was, or where I was heading… I was ‘ship-wrecked’… no food, no drink, no home, no direction, ‘sail-broken’; very little hope… without balance… with a heart cold, callous, and defeated; filled with shame, guilt, and condemnation. A jarred perverse perception of what love could be… I was beat…

     Today I’m sitting in the middle seat of a van out by the river, accompanied with various literature; to supplement the bible reading I’ll be doing here shortly. Made a deposit today into multiple accounts.. whereas, there was a point in time where I was blowing over 700.00 a week due to addiction… yea, my job was great, so was my super-toxic co-dependent relationship (kidding!!), my drinking was an act of ‘drowning willfully’ and when I moved on to ‘streetwalkers’ (prostitutes) and ‘harder’ drugs… yea, game over… death was at the door… the message today is the same as it has been for me at the start of the journey; March 30th 2016… this young man took ALL of his experiences, opinions, etc. and pushed them to the edge of a cliff… ready to throw himself and everything else off… with his last hope… he made an investment in Christ… He said Lord Jesus, I’m going to turn it all over,and give you the reins…I’m going to put You first Father, before anything else, and before everyone else… please show me a better way… and the mere fact, today, is that I’ve the privilege to be a walking/talking miracle, and to know the worker of the miracles personally… things go well, things go ‘south’ sometimes… but the peace, the joy, the faith… surpasses all that…

     Christ, You are faithful, You chose me… thank You for this life and the opportunity to share the Good News.

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