March 28, 2017

11:05pm

     Dedication, motivation, endurance, loyalty, etc… it’s fairly late, tonight… I’ve been blessed to have been working on a repair at our house that involves laying brick… Thank you Lord… the day went so well I suppose my mind had to concoct a way to be disgruntled… this came by way of a counselor I went to see today… when she asked me how things were going with my new roommate… my imagination erupted concerning his interactions with his counselor (she works at the same establishment…) admittedly, I have to denote that, yea, I want my stuff to appear ‘tight’… and everything about my visit to this establishment to say,  “I’ve got it together…” and “I’m growing.” My thinking also gets slightly distorted when I go to counseling… not intentionally, of course…

      I’d like to keep the analysis of my actions accurate…. I went in to the environment very unguarded, without focus to what we have been discussing… just–> casually and nonchalant… I’ve not been to see the counselor in a “month or so’s” time… and sometimes I feel that the counsel with this particular person is unnecessary… but it’s not wholly ineffective… the counseling and interactions with any of the number of counselors in my support group have definitely revealed to me a lot about myself and I’ve also learned a lot….

     I went into counseling feeling like an oasis and came out feeling like I was in a desert. (self-imposed…so I worked to shrug it off immediately… after resolving not to say anything else regarding the matter until next week->> when and if counselor emails me. I felt a little better… the whole scenario is pretty minuscule… outside of the pride that crippled me at the start of the whole ordeal… (pride along with issues of control.)

     Thank you Lord for liberty, peace, stirring in my heart, performing a new thing in me.

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