To tell the truth… I am feeling a little bitter… “it’s” all in perspective and I’m not in an unhealthy ‘way’- I just, want to understand why in the world no one would tell me my younger brother was going to New York, I mean, what the crap?! There were numerous occasions by which someone could have ‘dropped me a line’ or something… I’m not mad at anyone… it’s, more so, my own insecurities… like, family (mom and dad) overlooked it.. and my bros. didn’t care enough to share. This is all a ‘flipp’in lie’, (the delusion is that my parents don’t care and my bros. don’t care….. NOT TRUE…but..),when ‘you’ (self) are ‘away’, sometimes you feel FAR away… like, I’m not far from my ‘core’ family, but sometimes it seems like I might as well be in Tokyo… It’s ‘all’ good, though, for real…my hands are being steadied! God is making my feet like hinds’ feet. He is guarding my step… ordering my steps…
Just got off phone with mom… I spent a few minutes with her debunking all of the fallacies that were working to snare any sound thought in me… then we spent a few minutes discussing when my brother’s graduation would be… we also discussed some of my mother’s historical findings in reference to ‘her’ side of the family… also some of my dad’s historical roots… that was fun… interesting stuff… definitely going to have to do more digging there.