Thank you Father for the breath in my lungs. Still in the bed, breathe smells/taste like a very old ‘Twix’ and Coca-Cola… church services all over, were cancelled today due to ‘icy-roads’. Thus, I’m waking very slowly.
Not sure of the term for ‘childhood —…’ well… I guess, I could call it a ‘childhood tormentor’, I woke up around 4AM, or maybe it was 3AM, and the name and face of a long forgotten character entered my mind. The character’s name was, ‘The Ghastly Grinner’… apparently I woke up having to use the bathroom, and it is almost absurd the kind of reactions the conjuring of this ‘old friend’ had on my ‘psych’… it was laugh-out-loud “Nuts!” The ‘Grinner’ wore yellow and blue clown suit and made people laugh themselves to death, where toxic fluid, ‘fluid x’ would pour from the mouths of the victims. The character was featured in the show, ‘Are you afraid of the Dark’ back when it was a ‘hit’ t.v. show for pre-teens. Believe it or not, I did call on Jesus name… to some, they may have treated this apparition as a fleeting thought… whereas, I don’t believe in mistakes… or accidents, not in the realm of my Spirit… not for those matters that involve thoughts that surface in my mind. Those images that surfaced upon waking, instantly triggered a type of fight or flight state of mind. I called on Jesus because He understands, and He won’t begin to ridicule… and ‘this’, I refuse to call it ‘an attack’, it was more of a training exercise… being tired/half asleep is a state of vulnerability… this is when/how we are tempted… when we are vulnerable… God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind… the image was man-made, but the anxiety, doubt, fear, etc. came from a very real enemy… who has a very real purpose as a very real purpose as the deceiver, and a very real END in the Lake of Fire… The ‘lesson’ upon waking was on ‘strongholds and footholds’ (if NO footholds then NO strongholds) and the ‘light that shines in the darkness.’ God also revealed to me His grace was present with me as a child, though I saw and did not see… though, I heard and did not hear.
To bring this thing ‘full circle’, before I get out of bed… after going back to sleep, until maybe 7:15am or 7:20am, I began to awaken and experience certain familiar loosening and tightening of the muscles… yearnings of the body, with the usual flock of frenzied/scantily clad women; surfacing to dissipate, repeat… produced by the imaginations that are so conveniently constructed by our subconscious from the trash we see on t.v., computers, etc. throughout the day… (I’ll wear responsibility for the years I’ve spent intentionally funneling ‘trash’ into my mind…) Much of that forbidden fruit caused more disconnect and damage to myself (spiritually, mentally, socially, psychologically, etc.) than anything else, in the past… maybe, even still, today… The point I’m making… is the ‘first awakening’ and the ‘second waking’ were orchestrated that I could associate them with one another, thereby further assisting me to be liberated and be better acquainted with the enemy and his guises’ and method. He has different faces but he has not victory. he comes to steal, kill, destroy… but whom the Son has made free is free indeed. Lust in its truest form… is the ‘face of the ‘Ghastly grinner.’ Even as a child… It (lust/Ghastly Grinner) was who was waiting in the dark… but today my chains are gone… I’ve been set free. My God, my Savior HAS ransomed me, like a flood, His mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace. (Song lyrics.)
After showering and breakfast I aim to do some reading and meditating regarding my testimony… to better understand and utilize it in the most practical circumstances.