December 4, 2016

3:27pm

     Sat in sanctuary this morning… definitely dreamed up about 4 sermons… amazing how an afternoon lunch, bible study, and 1 hour later.. the mind draws a serious ‘BLANK!’ So what then, do I throw away the notebook and say, ‘time to stretch out on the couch and lay out for some t.v. time…’ ?? I don’t think so…

     Thank you Lord Jesus for meeting me somewhere in these pages. Until today, I had been coming home from work and jumping straight into the ‘computer-action’… that can not remain as such. Once I come home from work, that time must be purposed to the Lord… well… that’s what it’s ‘gonna BE’.. I’ve been praying for a heart of gratitude… and making it home from work… in one piece… phew!!! is that not something to be grateful for??? It goes way deeper than that… my walk throughout the day — each step should be in gratitude and that’s what I hope each step I make is ‘in’ gratitude– every breath, but I’m speaking of ‘consecrated time’… time set apart.. solely for ‘Christ and me’ time… to some extent– my relationship with Christ is… I know God is all around me, that the Spirit of God is in me, and there is a desire for His word and to have a more personal relationship with Him. Keyword is personal… I’ve probably spent more time on my phone than I’ve spent on my knees in prayer… am I going to hell? No, but… it’s worth taking a look at… Now, taking a quick glance at what I’m asking for… ‘a life devoted…purposed for the kingdom. Willing to carry the message to the world unto blood. Never forsaking the Son of God… by word or deed… laying down this life if necessary…” this what I’ve essentially been asking for, when I say, “God!! Pick me… Reign in my life… use me to draw men unto you.” That’s me saying one thing… but, then I got my hands working ‘elsewhere’ on this, ‘I’ma help her type stuff’ –>>cause I “care” about her………..nah!!! That’s a distraction… truth is… she can not receive the message from me outside of what’s already been expressed… she can see… over time… maybe that can be of some support… but the ‘mouth-service’ has to be ‘laid to rest.’ God, thank you for that perfect peace needed for that matter, cause’ that ‘thang’ been eating me up… s’my own fault…

     In other news… there was a minor altercation yesterday afternoon… I don’t want to go against the grain… but, as I’ve so often done in the past, when met with pressure I found myself in a struggle with the flesh in a fight or flight… I wanted to ‘strike’, like every hair on my body ‘peaked-out’… I was on the balls of my feet, fist balled, ‘hard-hat’ gripped firmly–, the ‘authority-figure’ was standing in front of me, all I heard was ‘if you make me look like this (undermind) in front of these people, then I’m going to do ‘this’ to you…’ In that moment I seen me swinging that hard-hat full force against the side of his head… I ran..(walked) as quick as I could to the left of him and kept it moving… calling the supervisor (via phone)… to seek instruction and notify him of the current development… I don’t want to lose this opportunity especially not to any bullying/confusion/lies of the enemy… this man is not my enemy… and I’m definitely not his enemy. God’s word states that those who do the will of the Father, the same are my brother, sister, and mother… this man is my brother!!! God help me view him as such…

4:09pm

     Sipping coffee… cold and raining today found a new place to sit and write, away from t.v.’s (nothing wrong with t.v….Ha!!! okay… there is… but, too much milk can kill you too… it’s a distraction.) The space is away from ‘traffic’ areas and I’ve got my headphones on, so, noise is ‘controlled.’ I’ve read my devotion for today (ACT LIKE MEN) but I’m bout’ to get my ‘Oswald Chambers’ on. It’s comforting to know I’m being groomed toward ‘righteousness’ and that many valiant men trudged before me as examples, as encouragement, as teachers, as friends, as family… I’m not alone… as believers… none of us are… nor’ will we ever be again.

     On my way upstairs I came to remember one of those ideas that was orbiting my mind during service. During my earlier stages, where I’d come to recognize my salvation– I began to read material that would have me ‘out my seat’ mentally, and I’d want to share it all… but there was so much to retain… I started using notecards… but the amount of content was overwhelming… It’s become exceedingly apparent that our minds are indeed ‘sponges’… sponges dry out… they take in information but without regular exercise… well… everyone knows that old cliche- ‘ a mind is a terrible thing to waste…’ In all reality… my brain probably shouldn’t even function, and though the enemy may find it unfair… and though the enemy may find it unfair… God has seen fit to go through all the abuse I put myself through… that I would embrace the King James Bible, meet Christ, and be acquainted with A.B. Simpson, Oswald Chambers, John Maxwell, A.W. Tozer; these are some of the ‘sinks’ that I know I can wring my sponge in. Whereas, I used to just have the name Jesus and manically wave Him around like a piston in my early teenage years up unto that ‘complete dismissal of convictions’… God is balancing the armor of God on me… the Holy Spirit is the taylor fitting me for the celebration of Christ return.

     The heading for the Dec. 4 entry of Oswald Chambers’ devotional novel was  , ‘the Law of Opposition’… directly related to the ‘sponge’ concept… we have to be intentional in our pursuits and interactions… what we take in… and we can only guard ourselves from external threat by how we nourish ourselves, internally. I’ve gotta prepare for our (roommate and self) ride over to the center for bible study. We go to the center (O.C.) Sunday nights as a way of maintaining our focus on where we’ve come from, and as a way of ‘giving back’, being an encouragement.

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