November 7, 2016

9:40ish PM

Election’s Eve Day

     Can’t help but notice, and I thank the Holy Spirit, that though I boast a message of peace and positivity; much of my brain power is exhausted in either thwarting negativity or being ‘negative’… not necessarily ‘doing wrong’, but focusing on my ‘failures’ rather than accomplishments. There have been no accomplishments, let alone ‘milestones’ of any sort without christ grace or mercy… just as I fail to credit any of my talents (God-given) I fail to consider my love for Christ, always making note of where I have not ‘stood’ for the Lord or where my life has poorly resonated with Christ message… sometimes I feel like, maybe, I am doing what God has asked of me… I am practicing obedience, and His grace is sufficient; at other times I am beating myself over the head because I’m thinking ‘this’ should have been done another way and ‘this’ was done wrong… and it’s crap… sometimes… lying down… I’m lying down thinking of how I ran into many recent graduates and they are all okay with being this way or that (minus drugs) or being this way or that without ‘batting an eye’. My alert system goes off and I feel/sense danger and I worry that so much will go South but that’s no solution to anything… worry is sickness and stress and useless… all worrying does is lure me into a vulnerable state… worrying is not a luxury for me, it is an expense I cannot afford… Focus is what I must invest in… Christ being the object of my affection, this is the beginning.

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