August 22, 2016

     8:00pm

     Lying on my bed, listening to my roommate talk, waiting on the canteen to open up… need some bubbles for my throat… it’s (throat) seriously aggravated… congestion-allergies-“mold”- whatever it is- is super uncomfortable… whatever it is ‘sucks!’ Today was interesting… during class, my classmates (bout 20 guys) all had a chance to tell me about myself… listing a few of my character defects… along with some things I need to work on… the main defect was anger… people pretty much jumped on that wagon and rode it until the wheels fell off… the experience wasn’t quite as bad as I imaged it could be, but it did take a little bit of the edge off for tomorrow… I’m scheduled to do a ‘fifth step’… [walked to kitchen with roommate… in attempt to be at the front of the line, so I can get a soda… throat is seriously bugging me.] At one point in time I was ‘hyped’ up to do my fifth step, but not so much anymore (before this morning)… this morning did take some of the edge off.. like I said… the goal of this fifth step is to let go of the past and by guided counsel, letting go… forgiving myself.. to some degree… I don’t want to let go of this stuff– revealing stuff I haven’t spoken with anyone about… stuff I have never dealt with… most of the things I am uncomfortable discussing are things I don’t/ haven’t dealt with… just stuffing those ideas further and further within myself because I don’t know how to deal with the crap… I want it to just go away… apparently the stuff doesn’t just go away… and it is far less than healthy to not deal with these personal issues… if I attempt to coexist with these issues… they will, at my own will or against it, consume me on a later date.

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