10 pm ish
Extremely tired, in the bed… this morning I did volunteer work… spoke with my brother about some of the perks of doing volunteer work. Spent the afternoon watching the Olympics… relaxed- made conversation with some of my peers concerning travelling to other countries… Sometimes I think about going to other countries, but if I were to go… my ‘recovery’ would have to be (recovery in Christ) the soul basis of that endeavor… to go there as a missionary or something… (to go with purpose) I was born in America. Seems that if god wanted me to go to a distant land, that He would point toward a means of reaching that place. (Not the means, but that door of opportunity would clearly make itself known to me… through the church body, Missions group, etc.) For me to just “up and leave” America, to visit a place without a particular goal in mind would seem absurd… then again, going anywhere without a particular goal in mind– not being lead of God; seems that those decisions could lead to unspeakable outcomes. I can “jump the gun” but I’m not/wasn’t trying to meditate on wrong things- though, while thinking about living at those other places– it sucks that it’s like, some people would be okay with, just, going to visit these places… but my old self would want to live the way you see people living in movies; plenty of money, drugs, alcohol, and women… the world is sick and I hate the doctrine of certain things that I was taught, and the impressions the world forces upon us. One day we will certainly be free from all that… but today, I must serve the Lord in fear and trembling.