Feelings have little to do with being close to God… Obedience is key to relationship with Christ…
*Got this from the movie-[Ragamuffin]-
Washing clothes, sharing/listening to fellow guests stories about their past–relating to them and understanding where we each came from… mann… I literally spent “years” trying to fit the view/opinions of others…seeking approval-seeking acceptance… always feeling like I had to earn my way to the top… earn my way into acceptance… I can’t stand the perverted/twisted/f’d up way of thinking I was subjected to as a child… sometimes I am 100% okay with not changing, who I am now as a result of all that crap, but other times I can find myself dwelling on the possibility that I could fall back into my mess; I know I shouldn’t think that way… but who says I shouldn’t …. it’s not that I shouldn’t– the fact is that in this stage, “I will” occasionally– my task is to capture these ideas and be vigilant–>evil is ready day in and day out to capitalize on my mistakes; I don’t have to die, (a spiritual death)… I will die a physical death but that is not an end. My meditations are of peace, and kindness… there is power in tenderness… power greater than anger.