July 19, 2016

8:32pm

     God’s grace is sufficient for me… as long as I don’t reject it. I did not struggle today in a manner that I usually do… I struggled in that I made up my mind by revelations of Christ via Holy Spirit making known to me that I have to put away the old man in a more fervent manner by claiming and proclaiming Christ by many humble rejections and violently if necessary… Guarding my salvation… I CAN believe how evil I am–but just to live to DIE… I really want to kill myself– I take that back… my old self really wants to kill me… I see a random girl walking down the street and I know/feel she’s not in the best times, but I still wanna go and just approach her and tempt her by whatever means… to go get high and degrade her and it’s MESSED UP! The last thing I should be thinking about is that… and I never used to think that way, but now that is a definite threat to my sobriety if not handled appropriately, as well as certain other temptations, I am still seeking more ways to deal with these perverted longings that coax me… it feels good when I am experiencing those times where God coaches me through these moments by His Spirit, but… … … there can be “No” buts!

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