Warm, sunny, and quiet. Extremely humid… nothing on my plate, but to sort this “block of a head” out. If I had one million dollars I wouldn’t bet it, but I’m more than 85% sure that someone in a 50 mile radius is finding out that they need help with their addiction and that they have a problem. Someone else is trying drugs/alcohol for the first time. Someone is dying as a result of their “use”. Someone is walking around blaming everyone and everything on the world and outside of it for their issues. someone has stopped using and wants to, and someone is using that wants to stop… and I’m sitting where I am– on the top deck of (balcony) of the back porch of where I live contemplating life and the full committal of my heart to Christ. I have to seek Christ… too many times my thoughts have sought to condemn me to make me feel as if I don’t deserve “better” because I still crave b.s. and I remind myself of the glory that is in the lord.. I know god can fill my heart with a joy and peace that will cleanse me of unrighteousness, and give me a greater happiness and fulfillment than any I have ever known, that will surpass any high that I have ever known. My current status is one of meditation, guardedness, and openness, and perseverance. I don’t want to quit and I don’t want to fail, but the only deliverance I can acquire is from trust and faith in God. I need to get in the bible.