July 14, 2016

5:06pm

     Keep telling myself I’m fine and keep minimizing the situation in my mind. Every f–g week I’m getting wrote up for something, at least that’s what it seems like. Part of me only wants to stay because I don’t want everything that I’ve been fighting to be allowed to manifest, being “here” will seem to have been for nought…I’m so f’n tired– and it’s not me who wants to continue- it is Christ in me… but both can not reside in me… I cannot desire the life of the flesh and continue to seek God’s will…well…really, I can… Paul says in one of the books he wrote that the desire to do evil was with him… even when he was doing good… The Word also says that the man’s strength is weak who faints in the day of adversity…why is it that I am willing to throw my life away for the sake of chasing the ghost of this life. I have to write a f’n mission statement… I really hope that helps me to get out of my mess of a head. this is a war… it is a WAR!– and it’s rough when everything in you seems to be pulling you in another direction, and the worst part about that is the inevitable ‘burns’ that I will most certainly receive if I forsake ‘the walk’ I’m on… the worst part about the journey I am on is that I don’t have to go anywhere in order to get lost.

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