July 10, 2016

7:40 pm

     I can see the rain clouds making their way over toward “the Center”… while i was on the bus (church bus), returning from the church we go to on Sunday mornings/nights. Used to spend countless rainy days getting off work, going to get drunk or high, or both.. finally thought I made it to where I was supposed to be… had a young lady who cared for me… had a car, had just upgraded jobs, (to a better job.) Had money all the time… finally got back toward wanting to be in church… I made it to one service, paid my tithes, and never went back– at that period of time anyway. Things gradually got worse… compiling siin on sin on sin and she never seemed to see anything wrong in the sense of dishonoring ourselves before Christ (being in an unconsecrated union), but she didn’t approve of the alcohol which later became drug-use, the situation DID NOT get better– we brought each other down in ways no man and woman should… just emotionally abusing each other. I hated all of it, but I did not want to let her go… I wanted to control her and mold her into all that I wanted her to be and looking back…if that was true– does that mean I wanted a girl who would agree with me sometimes, laugh a lil’bit, help me with some things, interact with a little bit, and have sex with??? The experiences we shared with one another were accumulated over 3 years, but WAS THIS NOT ALL THERE WAS TO OUR RELATIONSHIP???! We, or I, I know for sure had probably 60 percent invested into my relationship with her at any given time and then when things went south I’d tell myself I didn’t want the relationship any more… but all in all, everything hurt just the same, and I still miss her from time to time, but these thoughts don’t disrupt my decision-making in the manner they would have seven months ago… I thank God for that… I was miserable seven months ago.


Author: clhemingwayii

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! Isaiah 52:7(KJV)

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