Some nights are definitely better than others when you are in such places as I am. Tonight was fine… it’s last night that was ridiculous; once I finished writing (my nightly/daily writing.) I opened my Bible and got to reading, I could hardly do that successfully, my mind was rampant with ideas of sexual immorality, drug use, leaving the program; accusations of being unclean and a prisoner to sin and unworthy of reading scripture… I read a little more, then I prayed and cut the lamp off, (the lamp attached to my bed.) Once it got dark I continued to wrestle my mind/ego –Spirit vs. Self, not knowing what to do… but what “not-to-do”, I held on with all that I could and for that God grant me peace… alongwith peace God also made known to me a source of the dilemma; the atm card I received in the mail about three or four weeks ago. It’s been burning a major hole in my pocket and my thoughts- nothing about it has given me peace. A good portion of that faith which belongs to Christ was granted directly to that card, and with it devotion, and with it desire, and with that – loathing of being here loathing of accountability, and all kinds of wickedness. Christ cleanse my heart, my mind, body, and soul. Endurance… thank you for helping me be sincere and not waste the opportunity you have granted me for a new life.