July 6, 2016

Wednesday; 8:25pm

     Sitting in the library, have a new journal… my anger journal. so now I have journal(daily), anger journal, devotional journal… and certainly getting plenty of exercise for my hand. Lord been telling me to write… now I have an excuse.

I don’t want to fail at life… or be viewed as one (a failure).. really don’t have an option to control others perspective of me, nor should I really be concerned with their opinions– the only opinion I should be concerned with is Christ’.. by scripture–there will be those who don’t accept me… who don’t care for me… who don’t love me… who hate me… but as far as this goes– all my actions need to point toward Christ– if they do not like me– hopefully it will be the Christ they see in me- that they do not like. Self-control, I work on self-control each day… but my counselor and I have discussed, on more than one occasion, the critical attitude I hold toward myself… with others, I’ve gotten better at not being critical toward them… but I am suffering very much from being critical, also, I can see how my being critical has had negative effects on my past relationships and on myself. I expect perfection from myself as I expect perfection from those I am close to (Family, ex-girlfriends). I expect the world of myself and when I don’t meet my own expectations– I erupt in a ball of flames… this is a vicious cycle, God knows I have been living for too long, but now that we have diagnosed an issue… I can get closer to a solution.

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