Where my head is right now… I have to believe that Christ has more for me than the fulfillment I desire of a few ounces of cocaine, (any damn drug there is out there)… or any amount of booze or any woman… whenever this place gets a lil’ uncomfortable; that familiar voice known as my own gets to whispering. it says, “come here, I have everything you want, you don’t have to feel the way you do, we can go, we can get back to work…” I have a covenant with the Lord for crying out loud!!! God answered my pre-entry prayer to this place and made known to me I should be here. That moment my prayer was answered I reasoned with God that this would be it. That I would do this… I stepped out on faith. Now, I’ve been granted a night to rest and seek peace before facing the board of counselors tomorrow… I feel that they know I am tempted to leave… I most certainly am, but even God’s Word speaks of how the temptation and trial f our faith is nothing we should be surprised about. Temptations will come our way and they come to induce growth, trials prove and perfect our faith within us… the trials are necessary to help us get to a state of usability (if that’s a word.) A state where we can be functional for Christ, in the Utmost of His Spirit living in us. I am eaten up with the desire to do evil. I have the Bible open in front of me and I am convicted of my thoughts but I feel like my heart is being carried away by the lust and this is by no means Christ intentions for me… I don’t think He wants me to feel the way I do… I think He wants me to deal with the feelings.