June 25, 2016

Today… wait a minute… starting over… waking up… dinner… slept most of today. I’m up now… usually help residents clean up after dinner, but I helped at lunch… and I need to get back to the basics, for real. I’ve been working on self-control since the day this journal began and I had an utter breakdown yesterday, and exhibited on more than one occasion, a lack of self-control… to be frank about the matter, I wanted to get high and drunk and ended up lusting in my mind to the point of action–3 times… I didn’t know what to do with myself and the last thing I wanted to do was pick up a Bible. Naturally, as usual, I felt like crap, felt like God was dissappointed and I felt estranged… I woke up, trying to feel better… I read my relapse letter, that helped some.. I read the Bible… I am depending on Him to help restore that part that I lose every time I find myself in these self-destructive states. I was really ill yesterday (emotionally), after going down to the library about five minutes ago, I found a book titled, ‘Unstoppable’ where the author has some major barriers to conquer, that he was born with, the back-cover tells of some of his struggles and I look at the situation, at hand, that I’m facing, and it is all the way positive… I have an option to keep fighting-to keep pushing- God will reward my perseverance.

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