June 22, 2016

P.M.

Looking at my nails, their round edges, I’m proud of them… my mom and her mom would be also. For some, it requires no effort to resist biting their nails or other such habits, but nail-biting is one of those habits I’ve had for years… where it came from, “who-knows?” Why is “things” being brought up? (nail-biting) it’s because I want to be proud of the growth God has blessed me with physically, spiritually, and mentally I am attacked regularly by “the old man”. He thinks he can just revive regularly and convince me to be a “jackass”. Wanting me to set aside all that has manifest and all that is to come, and step back from the ‘table” which the Lord has prepared for me… As imaginably insane as it may sound, if I allow myself I can roll over and over every ill-thought that makes itself appealing to the senses… my flesh cries out… it’s not even me! It cries, “let’s go… we can do this or that… and things will turn out okay,”.. but it’s a lie… am I to just give in for the begging that the flesh uses to plead with me… I can’t… the future is unknown, but to look and ask questions concerning whether I can get away with something’ in reference to eternity… you have to seriously be a MAD man… to love Christ is to abstain, to stand fast… to blatantly turn my back on all that I have given myself over to, in Christ, is a deliberate decision to quit and to give up. I remember a time my dad whipped me so bad that I quit fighting him, the feeling that left me with was complete and total shame. I felt very low, I didn’t feel my life could get worse… I quit caring some time back then… Holy Spirit.. renew a right Spirit within me… I am weary and weak… I don’t want to give up this fight… I want to be renewed and have a heart for Christ that is sooo set firm that my last considerations would never involve reverting to a previous ‘life of error’. What is wrong with me?! I know and I trust Him and I breathe and trust Him more because without His grace there would be no fight and the only decision to be made would be, what to abuse myself with first. (e.g. emotion, substance, etc.) I don’t want to live that way… Christ, thank you for solidifying the fact within me, that, I don’t have to.

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Author: clhemingwayii

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! Isaiah 52:7(KJV)

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