June 20, 2016

Just come back from escorting another resident to the DMV and let me tell you… it was an “experience.” It was hottt! and there were plenty of women out and about with nothing much on.. “short-shorts” and tights, you can imagine the rest… There seemed to be 100’s of them. Not overwhelming to the point of me being incapable of controlling myself… but enough to where I could feel somewhat on edge–“uncomfortable,” indicating I have some heart problems. (Of course I do) Not only did the number of women make me feel uncomfortable, but there was a guy (flamboyantly gay) homeless guy begging, asking people for money for food… He was dressed as if he’d been out the last few nights straight; dirty shirt, busted shoes (no strings), little-shorts… that whole experience was ‘crap!’ cause I know he knew where to get drugs… I had money and I know he knew where to find anything else I wanted. (girl, drugs, alcohol) I kept my focus on God, but every time I was trying to focus, a pretty girl would come by and I would inevitably chase her with my eyes, condemn myself, and then think about getting high… then I’d seek God–> re-focus and then keep doing this cycle over again. It was sickening and stupid… I am working on letting go… I asked forgiveness, and I am mentally working on letting go… it will come, I am certain (freedom). Or is it already here??? I’m seeking consistency in success against the flesh and lust, as of yet– I can count on consistently doing one thing and that has been failing. My only option is to keep doing what I have not ever done until this period of my life, and exercise putting God first.


Author: clhemingwayii

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth! Isaiah 52:7(KJV)

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