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The First of Many Firsts

This is the post excerpt.

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The personal document of Corwin Hemingway II and the account of his experiences as a guest with the Miracle Hill Overcomers Program .

September 17, 2017

8:18pm

Father God, I admit, these next few days will be intense considering the schedule change with the new career and all, but it all pales in comparison with what my friend’s family is going through. Lord, I pray I spend no time griping or complaining about anything… considering this marvelous opportunity You’ve granted me, despite my shortcomings, I know it’s because of Your Sn and His actions alone… thank You for showing me truth… instilling the perfect fear for You in my heart, that I don’t abandon the gospel.

Thank You for helping me rest and awaken to serve You first and utilize my occupation for Your good, Lord— thank You for the patience You’ve given me, and opening my eyes and ears.

September 16, 2017

9:40am

Started this weekend off bumpy… struggling with the flesh…and everything that I spoke with the residents of the ‘OC’ about last night… I start work Monday and it’s like I’ve been just taking hits from all sides with the lust thing- I’m not living pure- and there’s nothing more debilitating than sharing the new found life God has invited me into knowing that I will at some point or another reach into a dark cubby-hold to pull a repeat of any number of imprudent behaviors. God’s shown me His faithfulness; time and time again… in spite of my ignorance, my lack of consideration, my selfishness…

So–I’m sitting right here at the house computer and I’m questioning some of those things that need to change… and I’m half nervous about starting work because I’ve never gone to work with the vulnerable frame of being that I will be going to start this career with… I don’t mean ‘flaky’… I just mean, without the attitude of having to be in survival mode… thinking someone is competing for my position and I’m gonna lose my job if I don’t give 100 percent more than the next guy… having a fear of being abandoned or discarded… but this simply isn’t the case, today… there’s support that I’ve never seen before… my steps are ordered– there is a future- there is a plan… which stinks all the worse when I willfully act according to the laws of sin… as a child of disobedience, rather than a child of light.

September 15, 2017

12:22pm

Good day, father, It’s Friday, and Your son has the afternoon off.. no class, no nothing, but I feel like I’m sposed to be doing something… go figure… Think I’ma change clothes and head to gym.

Spoke with a project manager, today, about my first day— they want me in the office- 5:30 am to meet a guy (DDubb) and that’s game-time, Father… help me to do those things this weekend that are pleasing to You that will prepare me for Day 1… I’ve not started this journey with You Lord for a mere job…This thing began with a pursuit of relationship with You, Father… You have come through in Your word and promises- more than I know… thank You for driving me to be faithful and hopeful toward the future. Thank You for cultivating me to be a loyal heat… a virtuous man… a man of integrity.

September 14, 2017

9pm

Sometimes

most times

I’m dead wrong

like a pastor leaving the strip club

runs off the road on his way home

feelings of uselessness-

deep seated fear of abandonment

happiness

a phantom sent

to intrigue me into a complacent

lower of defenses

wood adrift the river bent

toward a descent

weather increasingly inclement….

11:42pm

It’s incredibly late now, I’ve been on the phone with a friend- she has been struggling– as have I (hmmm… I wonder frigg’in why…) Why do we make situations worse we think we can make better, when the most obvious solution is to do nothing, and get out of the way… I’ve not spoken about it much at all, but yes, even with every blessing I’ve still managed to keep one firm grip on the not so expedient button… Lord— if it be Your will, deliver us from ourselves.

September 13, 2017

3:54pm

Father, I’m down here with Your kids… I am Your child- we are, all, also with the lost… I was utterly and desperately lost… at least, I was ling as such… I’ve unofficially completed my Core Curriculum class… and the day I officially return to the work force draws nigh… Of course I am excited… encouraged… but I’m asking You, today, Father that You steady my faith concerning my heart condition and fortify this thing You’re doing in my heart… to to be fearful of the faces or the tasks, but assisting me in fully embracing a life lived after You, Father… a life devoted. I’m grateful, Father… and I don’t wanna live a life that compliments the fallenness of this world… when people see me, I pray that my every step exudes gratitude, and that those I encounter in this life can’t help but acknowledge the work God is doing everyday… that He is worthy of praise, that He is glorious, that His presence is undeniable… show me Your ways Father, help me be a good brother to the family… a faithful follower– a soldier.

September 12, 2017

11:21am

Holy Spirit, I humbly ask your guidance in this week… leading up to the first day of my employment with ‘Dubb-squared” giving me the right questions to ask, helping me to abstain from wickedness, sexual immorality… desiring and rightfully dividing the word of truth… thank You for showing me, to some extent, what is to come;’ and preparing me. Help me to serve You in word and deed. Something about laying down on the floor helps me to get cal, so I am (laying down)… it’s lunch time at our house… we did yard work around home, considering all of the fallen branches and leaves in the yard…. once, lunch is over we will head to our warehouse (new), I believe… so we can do an inventory of a few things. Thank You, Jesus, for a safe day…. and for the people YOu’ve place in our lives for a help and for guidance.

September 11, 2017

1:08pm

Used to be that I was looking for any excuse to grab a beer. Now, I’m looking for a way to go donate blood… I’m kidding, (in my goofy voice) though, I do like to go when the blood bus is in my area, and I am free… it’s relaxing; the people are nice, and they give away t-shirts. Today is 9-11, so there was a twin- tower them for the shirts… I went to bus, which was parked downtown, shortly after leaving probation office… I’ve got a few payments to make but the moment I start working… I’m getting that thing off of my head…No, I’ve not been messing around… but just being in the system is a neurological stressor of sorts that I’m more than ready to be relieved of.

The hurricane is somewhere around the gulf of Florida moving NorthWest, so, it’s fairly windy in Greenville… it’s also raining… what momma’s call, ‘yucky’. The guys and I’ve got the day off… so we’re chill’in out mostly… playing guitar, watching movies, on and off the computer… believe it or not, I’m thinking about going out to the patio and seeing if I can not get this dollar store kite to fly… when the rain retreats of course. Thank You Jesus for the beauty of renewal and transformation.